Funniest football quotes

Soldato
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I just read this from a list of amusing quotes on the talkSPORT website:-

“I’ve got passion but no idea of tactics. I’d be like a black Kevin Keegan.”
Ian Wright throws his hat into the ring for future England coach.

It cracked me up anyway. :p

Feel free to throw in some more. :)
 
Barry Fry's tactical advice shouted from the touchline to a full back under pressure:

"Leather the ****!!"

:)
 
"With scholes playing like this, he might get a call up for the England squad again."

Channel5's dire commentator from last nights friendly vs Celtic. He retired 2 years ago you twit :rolleyes:
 
5ingh said:
"With scholes playing like this, he might get a call up for the England squad again."

Channel5's dire commentator from last nights friendly vs Celtic. He retired 2 years ago you twit :rolleyes:

to be fair i did hear a rumour on the radio that Scholes would like to come back now the Swede has left
 
*Claudio Ranieri says something in Italian*

His hopeless translator: "It was a game of two halves"
 
"Strikers have to miss them to score them and he was a bit unfortunate at times."
Everton's assistant manager Alan Irvine on Andy Johnson not scoring during their 3-1 win over Bury.
 
Reporter to Gazza before England v Norway game:

Reporter: "Have you got a message for the people of Norway?"
Gazza: "Yes, **** off Norway"
 
England v Germany game, England's attack was broken up & the ball passed out wide to a midfielder:

Motty - "And here come the Germans again, Kuntz..."
 
Anything by Kevin Keegan

"They're the second best team in the world and there's no higher praise than that."

"If I had a blank piece of paper there'd be five names on it"

"You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw."

"I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona."

"The 33 or 34 year olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful."

"I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is."

"Chile have three options : they could win or they could lose."

"He's using his strength and that is his strength, his strength."

"Gary always weighed up his options especially when he had no choice."

"The tide is very much in our court now."

"One of his strengths is not heading."

"He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted."

"There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight."

"England can end the millennium as it started - as the greatest football nation in the world."

"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different.."

"In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg."

"Despite his white boots, he has real pace..."

"That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved."

"Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late 2Os or 3Os."

"The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today."

"The ref was vertically 15 yards away."

"It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card "

"There are two schools of thought on the way the rest of this half is going to develop; everybody's got their own opinion..."

"I'd love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half- time."

"The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it."

"I'm not disappointed - just disappointed."

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different."

"A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly came off."

"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game."

"That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong.
 
JOHN LAMBIE, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.

"Great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
 
'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'
- Ian Rush

'If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.' - Robbie Earle

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - Steve Lomas

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham

'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.' - Ian Wright

'We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.' - Ruud Gullit

'Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them.'
- Arsene Wenger
 
ian holloway is always good for quotes.

To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, you've done what you set out to do. We didn't look our best today but we've pulled.

Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they're not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi.

She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee.

edit, some more:

“Right now, everything is going wrong for me - if I fell in a barrel of boobs, I'd come out sucking my thumb!”

“I reckon the ball was travelling at 400mph, and I bet it burned the keeper's eyebrows off.”

I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season
 
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Ebbe Skovdahl (Aberdeen manager at one point)

"Statistics are like mini skirts, they give you lots of good ideas, but hide what's important"

"The operation was a success but the patient died"
 
Smit said:
Ebbe Skovdahl (Aberdeen manager at one point)

"Statistics are like mini skirts, they give you lots of good ideas, but hide what's important"

"The operation was a success but the patient died"

classic!
 
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