Going T Total : Any advice please

[helpimcrap]

Just be careful with this if you want a permanent solution. I know that for me personally if I followed the driving option mentioned here, it would have taken about 20mins for me to decide to leave the car and have (several) pints, or if I really couldn't do that I'd have left after 30mims feeling miserable, and left the car next time I went out. To me things like this make good excuses to avoid difficult conversations, but aren't tools to prevent you from drinking. I believe to stay sober, and not just remain alcohol free, which is what it sounds like you want in the op, you need to deal with the causes.

Thank you for your earlier thanks, I'm not special, and if I can do it so can anyone. If they want it.

Depends if you're an alcoholic and have a problem - anything short of AA groups won't help.

I'm assuming people have willpower however are easily led so this has stopped me doing it in the first place.

I have strong willpower however I am easily led once I get going... If I have 1 drink i'll be crawling home £100 lighter. So I don't do it in the first place by driving and realising I need to drive the next day as that is when it still affects you. If I limit my options by taking them away it makes it easier to resist in my experience.

 

[sigma]

It's good to see this thread (as bad as that sounds) because it means you're able to stand back and realise that you can't continue, so many people fail to do this - as you are well aware.

What about trying ginger ale or something similar?

Also what about trying something else out to socialise with the same people from the pub - perhaps a sport or something? Even if it's once a week. Should be a good stress reliever too, so it's a win-win. If you don't want to do a sport then maybe join a gym? Or go rock climbing (indoor)? Caving? Hiking?

 

[helpimcrap]

It's good to see this thread (as bad as that sounds) because it means you're able to stand back and realise that you can't continue, so many people fail to do this - as you are well aware.

What about trying ginger ale or something similar?

Also what about trying something else out to socialise with the same people from the pub - perhaps a sport or something? Even if it's once a week. Should be a good stress reliever too, so it's a win-win. If you don't want to do a sport then maybe join a gym? Or go rock climbing (indoor)? Caving? Hiking?

Agreed - recognising you have a problem and are seeking help is the first and most difficult step.

 

[Catanonia]

Agreed - recognising you have a problem and are seeking help is the first and most difficult step.

TBH, was probably the whole point of this thread. Thank you.

And thank you all for keeping the troll posts off limits. It took some courage to post this.

 

[helpimcrap]

TBH, was probably the whole point of this thread. Thank you.

And thank you all for keeping the troll posts off limits. It took some courage to post this.

You are to be commended for being so brave to face this so openly. I'm sure it will help many other people afraid to ask or question.

 

[DominicStar]

I don't know the answer to your situation, but wish you all the best. I've had to push my wife so hard to moderate her drinking that it wears me down. For me giving up totally is not an option as I drink ale and wine for taste and I am rarely drunk and only by accident. I sincerely hope you find the right answers.

 

[Tunney]

I think replacing with substitutes or switching to sugary or chemically drinks won't help. I drink sparkling water with loads of lime wedges and don't avoid the pubs. Been to all my Christmas parties.

Christmas parties must be very tough. Well done on your iron willpower!

OP - sounds like you need proper support. Try Alcohol Concern if you think the God aspect of AA might put you off.

 

[Catanonia]

I don't know the answer to your situation, but wish you all the best. I've had to push my wife so hard to moderate her drinking that it wears me down. For me giving up totally is not an option as I drink ale and wine for taste and I am rarely drunk and only by accident. I sincerely hope you find the right answers.

yes, you summed us up, but sometimes I just take it too far even though we have tried. No excuses, it is wrong and it needs to end.

Thank you all, been a **** (intentional) Christmas and many tears and watching the news in a hotel room with the floods and wars and made me realise some home truths.

Yes my wife is reading this.

Thank you all,

 

[RoyMi6]

Just in here voicing my support for you guys.

I'm t-total myself for about 10 years. I won't go into the reasons why but I was never (what I'd consider to be) addicted like yourselves.

I was purely a social drinker (with friends) and never particularly enjoyed the taste of alcoholic drinks, so quitting for me was just as easy as deciding not to.

I'm also fortunate enough to have an awesome family that don't push drink down my throat and I choose my friends wisely, so it's not an issue there either.

The only time I suffer any grief is from "friends of friends" - but being a fairly charismatic and outgoing person I usually manage to turn the situation into a talking point (which I'd happily avoid!) rather than a bone of contention.

One thing I enjoy doing on a night out is trying the "virgin cocktails". Asking barmaids / barmen to rustle you something up can be fun and an actually good talking point ("Oh, you should try this! You might want to add vodka though...") and gets you some variety to your drinks rather than just the usual array of soft drinks.

While not going through the same process as yourself I'd reiterate what others have said though, stay away from "direct" non-alcoholic substitutes. By which I mean you get products like "Shloer" which are obviously aimed at being "non alcoholic wine" but don't actually taste anything like wine - they're just fizzy fruit drinks. But I don't see any point in non alcoholic beers which are designed to taste EXACTLY like a beer - just my opinion though.

 

[Catanonia]

Thank you, some food for thought.

I am deliberately not quoting, so others please don't as this is sensitive and others may want to delete their posts.

 

[PapaLazaru]

One day at a time. Don't set longer term goals, start tomorrow, get through it and try the same the next day.

And avoid non-alcoholic drinks that are meant to be alcoholic.

 

[darreny]

I did it changing to alcohol free, I didn't have a problem but felt the urge quite bad when Friday came around so decided enough was enough and pure away what I had left and changed to alcohol free just so weekends still felt different then after a few boring months of that the habit was broke of getting drunk so knocking that on the head from new year.

As long as it's habit and not addiction you should be fine

 

[lsg1r]

Been t-total for years, stopped because I didn't really like the taste of most of it and it just wasn't the 'manly' thing to drink alcopops (didn't mind the orange ones) plus I usually had to travel a fair way to go out and liked driving my car more than alcohol lol

Not sure what to suggest to stop you drinking the alcohol other than try to find an alternative drink that you like the taste of that does not involve any alcohol and just don't touch anything with alcohol in it, you'll just crave more after you have some.
I'd also maybe suggest not going to a pub for a while, especially 'adult only' ones as you're more likely to get merry with similar age people than say in a 'family pub'.

Couple of suggestions for alternative drinks
Shloer, they do a red grape drink that could easily replace a 'red wine' in my opinion and they do other flavours too.
There's plenty of flavoured waters which might be an alternative too.

 

[DominicStar]

One day at a time. Don't set longer term goals, start tomorrow, get through it and try the same the next day.

And avoid non-alcoholic drinks that are meant to be alcoholic.

I think that is very sound advice. I did the same for meat. I'm not vegetarian and don't moralize on it, but I only eat meat 2-3 meals a week now rather than twice a day. I have seen others try and fail because they have tried to eat junk like Quorn (my opinion and not meant to detract) as a meat substitute, rather than recognizing that that eating vegetarian is almost entirely different to eating meat based meals and cooking entirely different things.

 

[darreny]

I think that is very sound advice. I did the same for meat. I'm not vegetarian and don't moralize on it, but I only eat meat 2-3 meals a week now rather than twice a day. I have seen others try and fail because they have tried to eat junk like Quorn (my opinion and not meant to detract) as a meat substitute, rather than recognizing that that eating vegetarian is almost entirely different to eating meat based meals and cooking entirely different things.

There's quite a difference between stepping down meat intake and alcohol intake. Habit can make you feel like an addict when that time comes around when you usually have some. I found a non alcohol version a far easier pill to swallow

 

[DominicStar]

Yes I appreciate that. I have never totally abstained from either so I can't match your experience. The point I was trying to make, perhaps badly, is that if there were viable actual substitutes, rather than alternatives, they would be the mainstream choice already and that I would avoid them.

 

[Dis86]

It's really easy. In the last 10 years I've probably drank a grand total of about 2 pints. Both of which were just to try something that was apparently amazing (in one case it actually was!).

Granted it may be easier for me as I have no desire to drink, no need and the ability to say "no thanks" when someone offers me a drink.

 

[Diddums]

It's really easy. In the last 10 years I've probably drank a grand total of about 2 pints. Both of which were just to try something that was apparently amazing (in one case it actually was!).

Granted it may be easier for me as I have no desire to drink, no need and the ability to say "no thanks" when someone offers me a drink.

You go girl.

 

[Devrij]

I tend to drink water because it's free and doesn't make my mouth all sugary and wack, although of late I've branched out into appletiser territory when out. If you think you're going to have problems stopping, I recommend avoiding the pub and other temptation spots. It's generally not advised, and caused me issues in the early days.

If your friends are good friends they'll get it. If they are just drinking buddies then you genuinely won't miss them after long.

As papalazaru says, break your goals down. Anyone can do something for just one day. Deal with tomorrow tomorrow. Hell, I used to break it down to just staying sober on the walk from a meeting to the train station, from the train station home, home to bed. On the rough days that's what it can take to walk past an inviting pub. Don't worry about quitting drink forever. Just do it today and make the same decision tomorrow.

 

[TwsT]

some alcohol free beers leave you with a worse hangover than the real thing. Not all but some, and it seems to be different for different people. The missus can't drink cobra 0% but becks blue is ok.

Krombacher does one of the nicest 0% beers i've tried and clausthaler isn't too bad.

mocktails are a good thing for being out usually aren't too expensive.

Honey mojito (pretty simple to make) is a nice alcohol free mojito honey fresh lime mint and soda water over crushed ice. melt the honey in a bit of hot water first don't worry about it cooling too much as once you throw in crushed ice.

Sadly its beating the temptation and breaking the cycle that's hardest so good luck