Soldato
Indeed, what's the difference between a creep and a stud? Assuming both approach her and ask her out in exactly the same manner, only her attraction makes a difference but one will be labelled a creep and the other she'll be
Guy asks girl out at work, twitter kicks off...
- Thread starter dowie
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Indeed, what's the difference between a creep and a stud? Assuming both approach her and ask her out in exactly the same manner, only her attraction makes a difference but one will be labelled a creep and the other she'll be
Her digital footprint isn't easy to erase ?, she should probably think more about the impact of her shaming tactic on her future prospects,
maybe a lesson that her ability to communicate and evaluate people to avoid mis-communication is a trait (she's supposed to be a doctor - has she seen this going to hurt)
maybe a lesson that her ability to communicate and evaluate people to avoid mis-communication is a trait (she's supposed to be a doctor - has she seen this going to hurt)
The context of my post really was unsolicited via professional systems but in a wider context there are degrees to it - sometimes people show interest and it wouldn't be entirely unsolicited to ask them out.
Wang size
Man of Honour
I never said it could never happen to me, I said I wouldn't be that guy in the first place. I've asked plenty of people out via a text medium, I'm simply well coached in what is considered creepy thanks to some supportive female friends. I have been that guy before, I took steps to ensure i wouldn't continue to be.
'hey fancy grabbing a coffee sometime?" in the right context cannot be manipulated, if what you're doing can be so easily manipulated into something sinister you've gotta ask yourself if you should be saying it or if it's an appropriate time.
Speak to some women about their experiences and you can start to understand why things don't always go through the proper channels or why they simply don't just rebuke efforts.
Soldato
What if their showing interest is unsolicited?
You're a guy in a bar, all dressed up in a nice suit and shirt, hair done, looking good and a girl you aren't interested in keeps staring at you, should you ask the bouncer to kick her out because she's creeping you out and sexually harassing you? Of course not.
"In the right context" is the key part. We don't know the context here, we only have the context that she has given which she will have "edited" to suit her agenda.
What if their showing interest is unsolicited?
You're a guy in a bar, all dressed up in a nice suit and shirt, hair done, looking good and a girl you aren't interested in keeps staring at you, should you ask the bouncer to kick her out because she's creeping you out and sexually harassing you? Of course not.
Well that is another story again.
The original Twitter post gives very little context beyond what can possibly be inferred from reading between the lines.
She makes no real comment herself - for all we know she showed an interest in collaborating with the guy, then for whatever reason decided not to but he picked up on that from finding out she was collaborating with someone else rather than her saying anything to him, etc. etc. which somewhat changes the context.
Or he could have entirely fantasized about the whole thing, based on maybe something completely innocent, and made up in his head that she wanted to collaborate and this, along with the original email, was his approach.
EDIT: To be honest unless she is prepared to elaborate on the background to that email I think she should retract publishing it publicly.
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Soldato
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I've had a couple of girls in a bar come up to me and a mate once being quite sarky like, "ooh your really fit ect" clearly them being sarcastic and on a wind up( i am an average looking guy). It was quite intimidating to be honest.
Soldato
It's all about context and since it begins with 'I have a few questions..... promise not to bother you again'
I'd go on the side that he's been trying to slide into her work emails and she's been unresponsive. If he's been pestering a bit for personal info then call out is justified.
Saying that who knows what the actual story is.
I'd go on the side that he's been trying to slide into her work emails and she's been unresponsive. If he's been pestering a bit for personal info then call out is justified.
Saying that who knows what the actual story is.
Soldato
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You don't ask someone out in a work email.
this, just weird at best but moreover, would almost certainly be against company policy and would normally be reported to HR as harassment.
True.
You also don't escalate people's mistakes straight to Twitter, where it has every chance of going viral.
Go through proper channels, i.e line manager, HR. I suppose if they make light of it (doubtful in today's hostile environment for toxic masculinity) then yea, expose them on social media.
Yes, but it doesn’t make him a total nutter or a bad guy, or worthy of public humiliation or worse, which is what some of those Twitter replies are suggesting. Surely just say, I’m not interested, if he doesn’t get it, then escalate it to a manager or HR. If she said I’m not interested, he might have said apologies I never meant to offend etc.Who knows, maybe the guy is lonely, suffers from anxiety etc.
Don’t get why people can’t just be realists instead of grabbing pitch forks over what could be (given we don’t know much more context) a fairly basic error of judgment. Like I said before, if she was attracted to him I’m sure the outcome would have been different!
Soldato
women must NOT be approached under any circumstances.
This lady acting like she doesn't get DMs on the daily...
This lady acting like she doesn't get DMs on the daily...
If the guy was just good looking in general there wouldn't be a discussion. But there seems more to the story than what she has posted on social media.
The fact she went out her way to post this on social media shows something about her.
I didn't bother to screenshot them, but two of the replies (one older female and one younger one) went along the lines of 'Euw, it's not OK to make advances on someone just because you happen to share a space or workplace with them - that's what dating apps are for', and 'I'm older, but even I know this is disgusting. Just because a person is often in the same place as you, doesn't mean you get to make advances towards them'.
I'm left wondering how these people think procreation has proceeded for the last few millennia, before the Internet was a thing? Or how it's meant to continue to happen in the presence of it? If you can't develop a relationship with a member of the opposite sex you find attractive, and who is in your personal orbit, because they happen to be in your social or workplace proximity... how exactly are you? It used to be a case of meeting that guy/girl at work, someone from the local gym, or the amazing person you keep bumping into at $location. If it's not a case of 'Find hot $opposite_sex and make advances > If successful $procreate' I don't know what it is?!
I thought dating apps objectified women, and rendered them faceless and disposable meat for the sexual grinder of the misogynistic, aggressive and toxic patriarchy? Or is Tinder OK when they find it convenient, like 'Euw don't suggest I use Tinder, that's objectifying! But euw, don't approach me in the real world that's what apps are for'?
The guy was clearly an awkward doofus, who should have engaged his brain and not randomly asked out a woman at his workplace - at least what appears to be out of the blue and over work email. But did this really necessitate anything other than 'Sorry I'm not interested, and it's not really appropriate to approach me at work like this'?
I'm left wondering how these people think procreation has proceeded for the last few millennia, before the Internet was a thing? Or how it's meant to continue to happen in the presence of it? If you can't develop a relationship with a member of the opposite sex you find attractive, and who is in your personal orbit, because they happen to be in your social or workplace proximity... how exactly are you? It used to be a case of meeting that guy/girl at work, someone from the local gym, or the amazing person you keep bumping into at $location. If it's not a case of 'Find hot $opposite_sex and make advances > If successful $procreate' I don't know what it is?!
I thought dating apps objectified women, and rendered them faceless and disposable meat for the sexual grinder of the misogynistic, aggressive and toxic patriarchy? Or is Tinder OK when they find it convenient, like 'Euw don't suggest I use Tinder, that's objectifying! But euw, don't approach me in the real world that's what apps are for'?
The guy was clearly an awkward doofus, who should have engaged his brain and not randomly asked out a woman at his workplace - at least what appears to be out of the blue and over work email. But did this really necessitate anything other than 'Sorry I'm not interested, and it's not really appropriate to approach me at work like this'?
Soldato
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I didn't say it did, but if you put something in a work email that isn't work related, you may well be called out upon it, and the court of public opinion is now the go to of choice, and frankly, for anything work related that about as appropriate as asking someone out in the same way.
Both at fault.