Help me out! Good jokes needed

kitten_caboodle · 10 May 2006 at 09:57

Hi guys,

wondered if you could help me out here. Looking for good one liners on the subject of 'You know you need a new car when....'

So far I have these:

1. You are beaten from the traffic lights by a 16 year old on a moped.
2. Your car is repeatedly mentioned on local radio traffic reports when discussing the cause of tailbacks.
3. When you are idling at the lights people run up and ask if anyone was hurt.
4. Airbag? A whoopee cushion sellotaped to your steering wheel is as close as you get.
5. You start off with passengers, but turn left and they've disappeared.
6. Your car is repeatedly reported as 'abandoned' whenever you park it.
7. Your passenger seat is an area protected by the National Trust History Museum.
8. Film companies keep ringing you to ask if they can use your 'vintage' car in their drag racing movies.
9. You hear people humming 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' whenever they see your car.

LeoWyatt · 10 May 2006 at 10:16

you know you need a new car when you are overtaken by people walking their dogs

you know you need a new car when thieves actually put extra change back in the ashtray

Beepcake · 10 May 2006 at 10:27

You see steam coming over the Rover badge?

Sorry, someone had to

Bill101 · 10 May 2006 at 10:38

when you drive your new Alfa out of the showroom

when the sticker in the back says ''my other car is a Model T''

SgtTupac · 10 May 2006 at 10:41

Beepcake said:
You see steam coming over the Rover badge?

Sorry, someone had to

You really are up yourself aint ya?

paradigm · 10 May 2006 at 11:55

SgtTupac said:
You really are up yourself aint ya?

And you're in denial, its all good

"you know you need a new car when... hellmans are paying you for "servicing""

tom_nieto · 10 May 2006 at 12:37

paradigm said:
And you're in denial, its all good

"you know you need a new car when... hellmans are paying you for "servicing""

Haha good one

SgtTupac · 10 May 2006 at 12:38

paradigm said:
And you're in denial, its all good

"you know you need a new car when... hellmans are paying you for "servicing""

Next track day, come along and youll see what denial is. End of the day, i paid £1200 for my car where you paid silly money for yours.

Firestar_3x · 10 May 2006 at 12:40

SgtTupac said:
Next track day, come along and youll see what denial is. End of the day, i paid £1200 for my car where you paid silly money for yours.

Yea but he actually has a proper car, you just have a mayo factory on wheels.

Phate · 10 May 2006 at 12:43

SgtTupac said:
Next track day, come along and youll see what denial is. End of the day, i paid £1200 for my car where you paid silly money for yours.

oh dear. hit a nerve has he?

dude lighten up was only a joke.

:rolleyes:

good ones so far

agw_01 · 10 May 2006 at 12:46

Firestar_3x said:
Yea but he actually has a proper car, you just have a mayo factory on wheels.

Bit harsh tbh.

You guys really need to cut it out. Is it any wonder the Rover owners on here act the way they do?

I enjoy a good old joke about Rovers... ask anyone at the MM meets, but I think enough is enough.

Joking is fine, but when you're insulting someone else, that's when it's gone a bit too far.

paradigm · 10 May 2006 at 12:47

SgtTupac said:
Next track day, come along and youll see what denial is. End of the day, i paid £1200 for my car where you paid silly money for yours.

No need to get tetchy. End of the day I bought a car that I liked and could afford, much like you have. I didn't pay "silly money" I paid a decent price for the car I got.

So what if you have a fast rover, great, good for you. I'm happy that I DON'T own one.

Firestar_3x · 10 May 2006 at 12:47

agw_01 said:
Bit harsh tbh.

Tbh i agree it was a little ott, but no chance is his car better than a LCR, so what el spent what he did on it, great value for money if you ask me, does he mean anyone who spends over 1,200 on a car has spent too much?

Freefaller · 10 May 2006 at 12:53

SgtTupac said:
You really are up yourself aint ya?

It was obviously & clearly a joke. The more you show yourself getting wound up about rover jokes the more people are going to tease about it. I'd learn to ignore it - like water off a duck's back if I were you, before your comments are misconstrued. Besides you make a point that you're really happy with your car, so why get so wound up?

To everyone else:

If I'm honest I don't think it's harsh, people give Penski a hard time about his cars, he takes it on the chin. People have a go at Fox, he stands his ground and so on. All without being aggressive or breaking the rules. I think people just need to calm down.

I like the camaradarie that we have here in the motors forum, let us not get all aggressive when people are just pulling legs and having a bit of fun. Give as good as you get by all means, but let's not make it personal, derail threads or be aggressive.

SgtTupac · 10 May 2006 at 12:55

Freefaller said:
It was obviously & clearly a joke. The more you show yourself getting wound up about rover jokes the more people are going to tease about it. I'd learn to ignore it - like water off a duck's back if I were you, before your comments are misconstrued. Besides you make a point that you're really happy with your car, so why get so wound up?

The jokes dont bother me, its when people have personal digs at other peoples cars on this forum! Some of the comments people have come out with about other peoples cars, not just rovers is quite disgusting. We all wernt born with silver spoons in our mouths. To some people a 1.2 Cosra or a Rover 214 is their pride and joy. Then you get some muppet saying how they should have bought a 2.0 Mondeo! Just stupid..

paradigm · 10 May 2006 at 12:57

No one got personal until you attacked MY car though. Up until that point reference had been made to ROVER, not sgtTupac's Rover.

Freefaller · 10 May 2006 at 12:57

SgtTupac said:
The jokes dont bother me, its when people have personal digs at other peoples cars on this forum! Some of the comments people have come out with about other peoples cars, not just rovers is quite disgusting. We all wernt born with silver spoons in our mouths. To some people a 1.2 Cosra or a Rover 214 is their pride and joy. Then you get some muppet saying how they should have bought a 2.0 Mondeo! Just stupid..

Understood - see my updated reply ^^

Beepcake · 10 May 2006 at 13:01

agw_01 said:
Bit harsh tbh.

You guys really need to cut it out. Is it any wonder the Rover owners on here act the way they do?

I enjoy a good old joke about Rovers... ask anyone at the MM meets, but I think enough is enough.

Joking is fine, but when you're insulting someone else, that's when it's gone a bit too far.

I agree; but the first (and only) personal insult came from SgtTupac.

To be honest, I get people with this attitude quite a lot; and as per SgtTupac's message, I just ignore them for the rather pathetic comments that they are. Many people think that as soon as you spend a reasonable sum on your car, that commenting in a negative way to anything cheaper is somehow no longer allowed and is 'arrogant' or 'up your own arse'.

HGF on Rovers is folklore in the general motoring community, and always poked fun at, even by Rover owners. I'm sure my joke wouldn't have caused any issue if I drove an old banger.

kitten_caboodle · 10 May 2006 at 13:06

<<<<Not interested in the in-house fighting tbh>>>>>

Can we PLEASE have my thread back O/T?

Thanks

Freefaller · 10 May 2006 at 13:08

Right can we get back on track please. This is the last time I'll post in this thread without closing it.