Help me with a girl

M0T

M0T

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Right, theres this girl I have been friends with for a while, who I always quite fancied but up until now had thought she had a boyfriend - Theres this guy at uni she hangs round with all the time and everyone thought they were together.

Anyway I was talking to her on tuesday and said something about them being together, she got really upset and told me that they had only ever been friends. Subject was changed and we talked about something else.

Spoke to her on wednesday and she brought it back up again and was asking me when I decided they were together and was this the reason I had and had not done certain things. She then once again said they were just friends and then asked me if I wanted to go to a gig with her on friday. Now thats the first time shes ever asked me to do anything and she made it seem a bit like a date. She said she'd give me the details on thursday so I said alright.

Anyway on thursday I was going out so I asked her to send me an email with all the info in it because to make sure I knew what was going on in case I couldn't get hold of her. I get home and there isn't any email.

So on friday I manage to speak to her and she tells me she wants to go with me and says shes just got to work out times and things and because I am going to my mates birthday thing she'll text me.

Gets to about 7:30pm and I haven't heard anything so I send her a message asking her whats going on, she replies 'Some of my dads friends were going and none of mine were so I didn't want you to feel left out, and I thought you were out with your friends', even though she knew I wasn't.

From my perspective it looked a bit like she never really wanted me to come because I had asked her 3 times for the info and she didn't tell me, plus it seemed like she had bottled going on what she made out to be a date. So I messaged her asking why she didn't tell me this earlier so I could arrange something to do with my friends and I asked if she had actually wanted me to come in the first place. She sent me an angry message back that didn't make a whole lot of sense and now she won't talk to me.

I'm not so angry about her chickening out of going out with me, because I'm still her friend and its possible that she just doesn't want to ruin that, but what really got me is that she couldn't even be bothered to tell me.

Do I try and sort things out with her or should I just leave her to stew in her own juices and hope she apologises and still wants to be friends?
 

Nix

Nix

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She sounds like she's 17.

I think let her stew in it for a little bit, if nothing comes of it in a couple of weeks time... just move on. Try talking to her again, but don't bring it up. Take it as a second chance. Hopefully she'll come clean with whatever it is though.
 

M0T

M0T

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Yeah I suppose.

Its just so annoying because if one of my other mates had done that there would have been some shouting and then pizza and beer and everything would be sorted within 2 hours.

Nix: She does seem to act like a child a lot of the time, especially when she doesn't get her own way, she just ignores people and shys away from her problems.


Edit: We are near as dammit the same age! :D :p
 
Soldato
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Seems to me that you've gotten a bit clingy and tried not to project this in your post. 7:30 isn't exactly late, and if you've been chasing her up on details since the invite, rather than just going with the flow, you may have put her off.

Back off, don't bother asking her about the details. It seems to me you just need to chill out and let things come to you a little more.

Treat 'em mean keep 'em keen, the addage may be a bit extreme, but acting a little aloof and leaving them with less than the whole picture is never a bad idea in the beginning.

Take it easy and good luck,
Ant :cool:
 
Soldato
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Sounds like she bottled out on you.

Ask her out on a date where you know she will be there, say youll pick her up from her house..

Then her only get out clause will be illness.. then youve just got to decide whether she is telling the truth about being ill or not..
 
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WantoN said:
Seems to me that you've gotten a bit clingy and tried not to project this in your post. 7:30 isn't exactly late, and if you've been chasing her up on details since the invite, rather than just going with the flow, you may have put her off.

Back off, don't bother asking her about the details. It seems to me you just need to chill out and let things come to you a little more.

Treat 'em mean keep 'em keen, the addage may be a bit extreme, but acting a little aloof and leaving them with less than the whole picture is never a bad idea in the beginning.

Take it easy and good luck,
Ant :cool:

What he said basically.

Coming on too strong or keen is a huge NO NO where women are concerned. Let her chill out a bit and if she brings it up the next time you speak to her, tell her it's cool cos you ended up going out with some mates anyways.

Play it cool!
 
Soldato
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christ why don't people just talk. Speak to her face to face and ask her how she feels about you, if she says she doesn't want you to be her boyfriend then that's it, problem solved if she does then sorted also.

Seriously why mess about with "playing it cool" when you can just get an answer, never understood that :p
 
Soldato
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Ugh you've messed up.

Wait till she asks you do to something, then turn her down and don't apologise. You're busy doing something else. Anything else. She'll probably want to have it where other people are around (gig etc) which is no good.

Edit - asking a girl "How do you feel about me?" at this stage is for the the loose.

Then wait a few days and ask her for a quiet drink one night, just you and her. Can't get more obvious than that.
 
Soldato
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Kami said:
Seriously why mess about with "playing it cool" when you can just get an answer, never understood that :p

Are you serious? Asking upfront once is fine, but at the end of the day, excitement is the key, it's not particularly exciting if the fella is chasing you up about details. Women like confidence, nothing screams a lack of confidence like hounding someone for details.

7:30 is barely the evening, I wouldn't have bothered texting till the following day.

Ant :cool:
 
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WantoN said:
Women like confidence, nothing screams a lack of confidence like hounding someone for details.

TBH, if someone cant tell me when and where i need to be if they want me to be there i cant be arsed fiddling around trying to get the info to be there..
 
Soldato
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I never said hound her just ask her there's a world of difference. I had a girl pester me before and I ended up losing the head at her about it because she wouldn't take a hint, her response "well why didn't you just say".

Fact is I think anyone would appreciate honesty in a situation like this, no reason to keep the poor guy hanging. Ask her straight out, get a straight answer and move on with your life one way or the other. Playing it cool is for chumps, real men just want answers and no messing about :p
 
Soldato
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Just say stay with me for I fear I may become like this without you....(its a male)

Mezco_Toyz_Austin_Powers_Fat_Man_Figure_Toys-resized200.jpg
 
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