Holiday tomorrow.....STRESSED

GreenMint

GreenMint

GreenMint

Soldato
Joined
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Hi guys, not even sure why i'm posting this, i guess i just feel i need to vent somewhere, and this is as good a place as any, any psychology students might have a field day here!

I'm 26, my gf is 25, and we're meant to be going away tomorrow for a week with my paresn (62, 59) and my brother (30) and his girlfriend (27), but for the life of me, i'm dreading it and really tempted to bottle it and not go, i'm quite a shy person, as is my gf and while i love my family to bits and get along with them well, my brother and his gf have a lot to talk about with my parents, whereas still living at home, my gf and i don't really have anything to say and just feel uneasy having long talks with them, i don't mind flying, persay, but i hate takeoffs and 48 hours before going away i start absolutely bricking it and can't calm down/relax and just dread it, I can't really think much about when i am there cause, and i'm being honest here, i'm trying to think of ways to not go, i know i probly sound like some stupid spoilt brat, but its nothing like that, i just have a really angst about going away, i just get so worried, stressed and freaked out beforehand it really seems easier for me to not book/go in the first place and save myself this mental agony every time.

I'm sure there will be good things about going, ffs its a holiday, of course there will, but as stupid as it sounds, i feel VERY uneasy about spending a week in such close proximity of the entire family and get very clostraphobic feelings, and i worry WAY too much, if they go out somewhere there, i imagine if i just say "nah, i'll stay here for today" makes me look unsociable, stupid, selfish, whatever, and i just don't want to put myself in that situation, i'd rather just not go and avoid stressing myself out, worrying too much and pi**ing myself of to a stupid degree beforehand and in the process of doing so!

I know this probably looks like a stupid, idiotic post, i don't know if it'll even get a reply (What the hell can you say to something like this!) but i just wanted to get it out somewhere!
 
I imagine you will enjoy it whilst you are there. How else for you and the GF to get to know your bro and GF properly. If you think that they think less of you because you live at home then I would put money on you being mistaken!

The more times you go away the easier the travelling part will become for you.
 
just go you big sissy!

if you don't fancy doing something the others don't want to go just tell them you want to do summet with your gf, i'm sure they'll understand :)

i do know how you feel though - i'd class laying around the house doing nothing for 2 weeks more of a holiday than the stress of going abroad for a week.
 
I don't think they think less of me for being at home still, but being there, and working from home, i guess its maybe enclosure leading to lack of "exciting" things happening, that just make it hard to have a good chat with them, i still get shy talking to my dad a lot (I don't know why!!) maybe cause of all the stress associated with living at home still :eek:
 
Man up?

You'll be fine once you get there and you're bound to get some time to yourself once in a while. Spend time with your parents while you still can, one day you might wish you'd spent more with them!
 
stop being a pussy

if you said all that to my face, i would have slapped you lol and said stfu tbh

read over what you posted - how silly does it all look?

do you want it to be like this for the rest of your life?

why not just go for it this time, go with the flow and see what happens, go out with your parents while you are there, make the effort - its only for a short while its not forever, and i bet it will make them a lot more happier, think about other people not just yourself
 
A2Z said:
stop being a pussy

if you said all that to my face, i would have slapped you lol and said stfu tbh

read over what you posted - how silly does it all look?

do you want it to be like this for the rest of your life?

why not just go for it this time, go with the flow and see what happens, go out with your parents while you are there, make the effort - its only for a short while its not forever, and i bet it will make them a lot more happier, think about other people not just yourself
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Bit of a hearltess reply, even though it seems you meant it as a reality check.

This feeling of shyness around your parents, or not being good enough, etc. This probably stems back to something in your past, did you feel left out? Not good enough then? If so your feelings of angst, etc will still be with you now unless you deal with them.

Take a step back, and look what you have. A job, money, a girlfriend, a family wanting to spend time with you, etc. These are all good things, of which a lot of people don't have. From my experience with other people, you wont think others to be happy with you unless you are happy with yourself. Do you feel there is something vital missing in your life?

Sometimes we have to do those family things, despite what we want to do. But i don't think it's that you don't want to, more that you feel inadeequate or uncomfortable. Am i right?
 
Matt-Page said:
But i don't think it's that you don't want to, more that you feel inadeequate or uncomfortable. Am i right?
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I think those 2 things, combined with my shyness and "nervousness" around new things, probably culminated in me not wanting to, yeah, the idea as a whole, isn't a bad thing to think about, but knowing me and how I get, it makes it very very hard to do these kind of things, and i'd rather not be there than be there and feel out of place, due to the uncomfortable feelings that would generate for all.
 
TimBrad said:
I think those 2 things, combined with my shyness and "nervousness" around new things, probably culminated in me not wanting to, yeah, the idea as a whole, isn't a bad thing to think about, but knowing me and how I get, it makes it very very hard to do these kind of things, and i'd rather not be there than be there and feel out of place, due to the uncomfortable feelings that would generate for all.
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I'm probably out of line for saying this, and a MOD can delete my comment if necessary, but your feelings you have about new things and being around your family are by the sounds of things ruling your life and determining what you will and wont do. I've seen this nervousness in all sorts of people, from people with IBS (needing to know if they can get to a loo in a hurry if needed) but from how you describe it, to people with aspergers/autism. Although a stupid thing to say, and it is a widely confused topic, the feelings you mention and how you explain them seem this way. Have you had any traumatic experiences in your past that have triggered this?

What is it about being around them that makes you feel so un-easy?
 
Your also in a vicious circle here mate, you feeling this way like you do, and KNOWING it, just makes you worry more, then worry about worrying, then get angry because you worry, then feeling down/upset and just wanting to be in familiar surroundings, on your own. Is this right?
 
yeh the post above is right you HAVE to break this or it will bring you and others down. the best way to break shyness/anxiety etc. is to get up and go for things. its terrifying while its happening but then when you come out the other site you feel a lot stronger. push yourself to go for this and then you will can feel proud of yourself once you do it. if you experience this sort of anxiety a lot it can sometimes help to get help?
 
Shut up and go. :)

Edit: Sounded a bit harsh but I meant it light heartedly. Imagine us in the rain while you're out there. :p
 
Matt-Page said:
I'm probably out of line for saying this, and a MOD can delete my comment if necessary, but your feelings you have about new things and being around your family are by the sounds of things ruling your life and determining what you will and wont do. I've seen this nervousness in all sorts of people, from people with IBS (needing to know if they can get to a loo in a hurry if needed) but from how you describe it, to people with aspergers/autism. Although a stupid thing to say, and it is a widely confused topic, the feelings you mention and how you explain them seem this way. Have you had any traumatic experiences in your past that have triggered this?

What is it about being around them that makes you feel so un-easy?
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I really don't know what it is that makes me feel uneasy, whats what p's me off the most, i just feel i can't "be myself" around them, whatever that means, it just feels hard and almost like a chore to try because it makes me feel so anxious and and totally uncomfortable, whilst i get along with the family, i'm not one to really sit and chat with them, and the thought of that is truly suffocating, just makes me worry so much and i find it very hard to be myself around my family, which in itself is a real feat :mad:

As for Traumatic experiences, nope, nothing bad, just grew up as a shy kid really, is all.
 
Why can't you be yourself? What is it you are like? Why do you think you can't be this way around your family?

Learning to accept you are your own person can be hard. You wont always be how you were when you were a nipper, nor will you always be how your parents want.
 
I really don't know why i can't be myself, just some silly struggle to act how i usually do around others, maybe it is the stigma of just because they are my parents, i don't know, but its just a pain feeling like this.

I don't think its a case of acceptance, or wanting to be what they want me to be, because they accept who I am, they don't like all the choices i make in life, but at the same time they know its my life.

I just detest feeling like this.
 
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