Housemate advice

Jasoncmor said:
He's currently away again so I really want to decide on how to deal with this now.
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Tbh...you should have dealt with it already - you've basically allowed this to continue when he ought to have been out of there by now!

Obviously you're not to blame for the mess itself, but come on, you knew the guy was like this already, it isn't worth it, don't live with people like that, it was madness to let him stay.
 
My previous advice re: the rubbish itself:

dowie said:
While technically violating his privacy I think screw it, it is a health issue for the whole house, can attract rodents etc... you could perhaps get the landlord round to have a look then when he gets back you can tell him that the landlord came around and wasn't happy so you guys had to go in there and clear out some of the rubbish... Obvs you don't need to tidy up the room etc.. but I think you're perfectly entitled to remove pizza boxes, takeaway containers etc...
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Previous advice re: the tenancy.
dowie said:
Same answer as before, kick him out, why tolerate living with a ****?

If it is awkward kicking him out now then as per your post where you mention the tenancy needing to be renewed in June, don't renew it with him. Just let him know that you (collectively) aren't signing a new contract on the place, you're going to live with the others and he isn't welcome and so he needs to find somewhere else to live. Then you either stay where you are and fine a new flatmate or you all move out and you guys find a place without him, you don't need to tell him if you are staying put, hopefully by the time he finds out he'll have signed a contract/put down a deposit on a new place anyway.
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Obviously the above is rather more difficult now that you're living with him post June and have presumably signed a contract together for the whole year!

this is a bit deja vu, you posted this a while back, thinking it was sorted but...

Jasoncmor said:
Apologies for a bit of a late reply, but I spoke to him a few more times and it seems to be under control now.
Although, I have another issue I would like a bit of advice with, if possible.

There is a bit of a stench coming from his room, and he is currently away at home for a couple of weeks...
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Just tell the landlord and kick the guy out.... what is the point in posting here asking for advice if, when most people say kick him out and you come back with, oh I had a talk with him and we let him stay... but now we've got more problems...
 
Cheers for your responses all.
So, after reading your comments, and having a good think, I have decided I am going to talk to him as soon as he gets back, and lay everything out for him, give him a couple of days to get everything sorted, then take it to the landlord if its not dealt with, I know I should have dealt with it sooner and been more upfront and stricter with this guy, but because i'm a "nice guy" i just rathered kept the peace and let him deal with it, but obviously, this was the wrong approach to take.

darael said:
I'd email the photos to the landlord and explain the situation.
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This will be the second step if he doesn't sort it after I tell him to deal with it.

HybridX said:
******* hell, just move without telling him or boot him out the house.

This is what happens when people are too nice and enable **** like this.

In before someone says its a mental health thing and you should be more understanding
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Yes, you are right, I have been too nice and lenient with him, I am a nice guy by nature which sometimes really does annoy me because it means I can avoid situations like these, but you live and learn i guess :(


dowie said:
Tbh...you should have dealt with it already - you've basically allowed this to continue when he ought to have been out of there by now!

Obviously you're not to blame for the mess itself, but come on, you knew the guy was like this already, it isn't worth it, don't live with people like that, it was madness to let him stay.
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You are also right, I should have dealt with this sooner, but being the type of person I am, i didn't want to make things awkward, or cause some kind of situation, but obviously this was the wrong approach as it hasn't changed.

HybridX said:
If op has signed for another year with this pig... then words fail me
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It was a tough call, but we really didn't want to move, and didnt have anyone else to move in, so I spoke with him which seemed like a good idea and clearly it wasn't lol.
 
You’re hesitating by not sorting it now, it’s gone on for a long period of time, you’ve spoken to him numerous times and you’re now saying you’ll talk to him when he gets back? Why? Do you think he’ll magically change his ways after all this time?

It’s past the point where you have to look at yourself and realise it’s gone on far enough. You literally sound like your room mate quoting these posts and agreeing then giving them another chance
 
.Lethal said:
You’re hesitating by not sorting it now, it’s gone on for a long period of time, you’ve spoken to him numerous times and you’re now saying you’ll talk to him when he gets back? Why? Do you think he’ll magically change his ways after all this time?

It’s past the point where you have to look at yourself and realise it’s gone on far enough. You literally sound like your room mate quoting these posts and agreeing then giving them another chance
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Thank you for the firm points.
The problem partly lies with me as I hate confrontation, but I see from everyone's replies that I need to put that aside and just deal with it.
I haven't directly said to him, I've seen the mess in your room you need to sort it, its been can you put your rubbish out, i've been quite laid back with it all, but now enough is enough, I will tell him how it is when he gets back and then give him chance to sort it, if not, ill go to the landlord and deal with it that way.

We certainly won't be living with him next year, after all this.
 
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This is what your GF has been waiting for! Show her you are the boss of the house, before she sleeps with your housemate!
 
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@Jasoncmor

Sorry man didn't want to come across as being harsh on you but you do need to act on this as he obviously isnt getting the message and he isn't going to change. After seeing those pics i felt compelled to tidy my house, that isn't untidy but did need a few things doing!

I wouldn't give him a few days to sort stuff out, i would sit him down, say "look there's been a smell coming from your room for some time, your room is a ******* mess and we know its been like this for months but we've tried to be nice about it and drop hints. You have to go because we cant live like this."

Don't give him a chance or a time frame to sort himself out... just lay it down he has to go in 1 month. Tell him he can either do it this way and do it right or you will get the landlord involved.
 
Sees OP from Jan.
See state of room.
Sees said housemate has still, now AUGUST, not been given the boot.

Christ alive, get rid and get on with your life. You owe him nothing.

Once you learn that people will continue to take advantage of you if you allow it you will realise this.

To put my money where my mouth is, I've kicked a paying lodger out for breaching our agreement. Called a taxi for him, packed him a bag and gave him a week to return to collect his **** before I gave it away.

This isn't even your property so just do yourself a favour.
 
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Additional... if he gives you any **** when you speak to him or starts acting like a nob...... plop those photos on facebook to his parents and friends.
 
HybridX said:
lol and that's a problem because? It just proves hes been a slob for 8 months at least
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Well it might be embarrassing for the OP, thats my first thought! It might also cause extra friction for the OP having invaded someone privacy AND posted photos of said invasion to the public. I'm not judging just saying it could cause uneeded aggro for him.
 
Threepwood said:
Well it might be embarrassing for the OP, thats my first thought! It might also cause extra friction for the OP having invaded someone privacy AND posted photos of said invasion to the public. I'm not judging just saying it could cause uneeded aggro for him.
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I guess you may be right but at the end of the day, the slob housemate has himself to blame for all of what happens
 
HybridX said:
******* hell, just move without telling him or boot him out the house.

This is what happens when people are too nice and enable **** like this.

In before someone says its a mental health thing and you should be more understanding
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Of course it's a mental health thing. But the OP is not his therapist and neither are the other tenants. There are reasonable limits to how far a person should go to accomodate other people. There are also various ways that can be more effective than either extreme. Mental health sources provide information on living with someone with depression. I think the OP should look there for advice, even contact them to ask for more pertinent advice because most of the material deals with friends and family, not co-tenants. I'd be inclined to place a time limit, e.g. "get some help within a month or we're going to the landlord", but I don't know if that's the best way. In that situation, I'd seek advice from a mental health charity.

Imagine you're in the OP's position and you follow your advice. A couple of weeks later, you find out that this person has killed himself because he's homeless, lost his job, etc, on top of being depressed. Would you care? I think the OP would. I think the OP is after the best solution, not the easiest one for him.
 
The OP has been more than understanding and put up with a hell of a lot more than most people would. He is not this slobs keeper nor his parent.

What ****** me off the most is anything like this... everyone jumps on the mental health bandwagon which actually IMO takes away from people with real mental health issues. The only mention of mental health issues is from people saying "he must be depressed to live like that" so lets assume he has mental health issues and isn't just a filthy slob.

If he get clinically diagnosed then ill change my line but even then he needs booting out and his family need to be picking up his care not the OP but until then this guys needs to take some personal responsibility and sort his **** out. If he gets kicked out then he needs to turn back to family to put him up, if thats not an option... pc needs selling to fund somewhere to live while he sorts himself out.
 
This is one of those ‘speak the harsh truth to be kind’ moments....

OP, at this point, you are not being a ‘nice guy’, you are being a wimp. You are tolerating far too much. Re-establish your boundaries, tell this slob to sort his crap out and stop enabling him. Don’t carry his weight for him.
 
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