How do I break bad news to a mate?

regulus · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:27

Short version of the story...

I have to pick two guys by this Friday for permanent contractors positions and a very good work mate is just assuming that he is going to get one of the vacancies since we're such good mates. Problem is....he is not going to get it. I've already identified two other guys who is far more deserved of the jobs, will fit the positions perfectly, and I've put their names forward this morning and they're about to be excepted. Then Jason (the best pal at work) called just now and started going on how great it's going to be to work together all the time and how he'll finally be able to afford (it's VERY good money) a 360 and kick ass PC and may or may not buy a bike and that a mortgage may be on the cards etc etc. I just didn't have the heart to tell him the bad news since I know he'll take it bad and I'll also feel terrible.

I cannot even lie to him and tell him the the suits went another way since it's solely up to me to employ the guys since I'll be their direct supervisor and Jay knows it. I'm getting the feeling that his little call this morning was a bit of mental campaigning as well and he was playing to my feelings which I think is a bit low. To be fair though, I probably would've done the same.

I'm dreading the rest of the week.

Any advice on how I can break it as gently as possible?

Adz · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:29

Woah. I don't have any useful advice I'm afraid except to be totally upfront and honest with him about why he didn't get the job but damn... I don't envy your position

.

vincent1989 · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:30

your a guy right, and we all know the worst thing to do is to pussy foot around like women do

so just tell him that the other two were far more qualified for the position, and you had to pick them

i know he'll be hurt, but just make it clear that it's got nothing to do with you not 'liking' him or anything, and that you dont want it to affect your friendship? kinda stuff

D4VE · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:30

Difficult. Would have been easier if you'd suggested to him right from the beginning that he might not get the job, so dont get too excited.

Sounds like you are in a tough position now and the lad is in for a big shock.

helpimcrap · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:31

just tell him, they worked harder and earned it. but be aware.... no matter what you did you would have been in the wrong either way.

your supervisor so any crap comes back to you....

4T5 · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:31

Exactly why didn't you give him the job ?
He is your mate and it would change his life for the better.
If you feel you made the right decision you must just state this and live with the consequences.

Agent_matt · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:32

Be honest with him I guess. If his a good mate then hopefully he'll understand but admittidly it's a lot easier for someone to say this than to actually do it.

Good luck, hope it goes okay.

pinkegobox · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:32

i do agree that it sounds like engaging in a little mental campaigning. You've obviously had to justify to yourself why the other guys got the jobs, be honest with him and tell him the reason... that way he knows how to progress in future, and make himself a stronger candidate next time.

mark_t50 · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:32

You need to tell him as soon as possible, the longer you leave it the worse it will be for both of you. I would just be honest with him, tell him he didn't get the job and why, and maybe explain that you hope it won't affect your friendship.

It's a bit late, but when he first applied for the job I would have made it clear that he wasn't guaranted the job and that you would have to pick the best candidates for the positions. If you already did this then hopefully he will be understanding.

shadow4509 · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:32

I would have picked my best mate, for the simple fact that if it was my mate making the decision i would have expected him to pick me.

I would just go see him and tell him the truth face to face!

PsiFox · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:34

Make friends AT work but never employ a friend, if you want them to stay a friend.

helpimcrap · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:35

pinkegobox said:
i do agree that it sounds like engaging in a little mental campaigning. You've obviously had to justify to yourself why the other guys got the jobs, be honest with him and tell him the reason... that way he knows how to progress in future, and make himself a stronger candidate next time.

thats the way he SHOULD see it.... but the way he will NEVER see it unfortunately.

Vixen · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:36

malc30 said:
Exactly why didn't you give him the job ?
He is your mate and it would change his life for the better.
If you feel you made the right decision you must just state this and live with the consequences.

Because the other two were better? Who is to say that this job won't be a huge step up for either of them? He has done what is fair, and employed the better candidates for the role.

Cybermyk · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:37

Sounds like he's using your familiarity to pressure you into a decision anyway. Which is just as bad as if not worse than not giving him the job as he's a mate. I don't think you should feel guilty about it.

Just tell him straight.

leaskovski · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:37

Tell him you couldn't employ him because the company is an 'equal opportunities' employer.

titchard · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:38

shadow4509 said:
I would have picked my best mate, for the simple fact that if it was my mate making the decision i would have expected him to pick me.

I would just go see him and tell him the truth face to face!

it doesn't work like that - friends are friends, work is work.

what would happen if he got it in the neck for hiring his best mate who turned out to be crap? he would look bad in the eyes of his bosses, not being able to do HIS job right.

Rich

regulus · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:40

malc30 said:
Exactly why didn't you give him the job ?
He is your mate and it would change his life for the better.
If you feel you made the right decision you must just state this and live with the consequences.

He showed up late for work about 20 times so far this year. He can be very argumentative and doesn't take well to authority. He might not listen to me since we're mates and joke around a lot. I take work very seriously and he not so much. The other guys I've employed are a shining example of punctuality, work ethic and have been there much longer than he has.

m@rty · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:40

Well he will be gutted for sure and will probably be pretty mad at you for not picking him, if it was my best mate i would have picked him.

Flash Maclean · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:40

I would have employed my mate and explained to him that he needs to work bloody hard or he'll let me down big time.

As for breaking the news, you both need to get very drunk first.

edit - after reading your last post, I'm not sure I could give him the job after all, those are very compelling reasons. Send him the link to this thread.

regulus · 5 Dec 2006 at 12:41

titchard said:
it doesn't work like that - friends are friends, work is work.

what would happen if he got it in the neck for hiring his best mate who turned out to be crap? he would look bad in the eyes of his bosses, not being able to do HIS job right.

Rich

Quoted for the truth. Work is work. I don't mess around at work and would like to think my co-workers feels the same way. We are on a very sweet wicket and I'm not going to temp fate.