How do you spend your evenings in your 30s, 40s, and beyond?

Soldato
Joined
6 Mar 2007
Posts
9,008
Location
SW19
My usual weekday evening after finishing work is :

Gym
Cook & eat dinner
Watch TV and/or play ps5 for a few hours
Bed
 
Soldato
Joined
13 Jan 2010
Posts
24,929
Location
Llaneirwg
I and we are also child free.

And absolutely not changing that. We know that if either of us changed our minds the relationship would end. So that's a definite.

I spend my time..
Kayaking
Biking
Body boarding
Procrastinating
Playing boardgames
D&D
Looking after my hens
Holidays again soon hopefully
Endless DIY (lol seriously how much money does a house take!)
Photography
I moved to Wales to be closer to my hobbies


So I'm pretty busy. Way too busy for kids. Honestly, at 34 I thought I had finally got my life together and couldn't imagine taking all that away with kids.

My hobbies don't lend to it either.

What has been tricky is making friends in a new place at 36.
Most are actually my age without kids. Or older with older kids. We have a paddling group I set up. I go on mountain bike meets. On Sunday I was body boarding with a new friend.
On Mondays and Thursdays have D&D online or in person with 2 groups.
At weekends I'll mainly do outdoorsy stuff on my own with friends. Or. With gf if she can.



My life is full.


No disrespect to anyone with kids. I'm definitely not a militant 'I hate kids' type. But for me, with some mental health issues I cannot imagine anything worse than having kids. I've not made great life choices. But not wanting kids and moving to Wales are the only 2 good ones!

At 36 I know time is running out. To do this active stuff so I want my time now not when I'm 50.

Life can be super exciting if you make the effort. But you have to make the effort. It is harder making friends when you're older. But there are many people out there waiting to be reached out to.

Oh, I will add I can in summer easily be down the beach for 4 hours. Being so close now.

I'm toying with the idea of moving to snowdonia (near Aberystwyth) as had a holiday there and absolutely loved it. It's so beautiful, quiet and clean. No yobby kids like round here at all.





The pic below is for inspiration. This was taken in the mini heat wave we had recently at Dunraven Bay, a little beach in S Wales . It was nearly 10pm on a week night.
The sea was calm. There were Fire spinners. On beach. People playing nice music. People having little bbq's.

It was just an awesome evening. Life doesn't have to be boring!

BfIBJbA.jpg
 
Last edited:
Associate
Joined
21 Jan 2010
Posts
1,678
Looking after the kids and so on. I aim to finish up chores around 9.30, and watch some telly and have a chat with my wife.

She goes to bed for 11ish, when I'll either read in bed with her before sleep, or i'll stay up and play pc games until 1.30ish. I need around 6 hours sleep, so that's fine for me- but not for her. She is weak and "needs" 8 hours.
 
Soldato
Joined
30 Dec 2010
Posts
9,857
Location
Wiltshire
@413x unless you have some health issues then why is time running out? I see plenty of grey haired old people in way better physical health than me when I'm out hiking or by the boating lake.
Also I agree, not having kids best decision I ever made, I knew from 17 I didn't want any.
 
Soldato
Joined
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Posts
24,929
Location
Llaneirwg
@413x unless you have some health issues then why is time running out? I see plenty of grey haired old people in way better physical health than me when I'm out hiking or by the boating lake.
I had a health scare at 33. I suddenly had knee pain in both knees that basically crippled me. I thought

"this is it, I'll never be able to do x, y, z again"
I got. Back into the dark place.

Managed to turn it around and after 2-3 years it's gone. But it really put into perspective how life can change at any moment and to make most of things.

Before this I was super in shape. Had never felt better etc etc. And bang. Gone.


It may not come back. It may do. But it made me realise, really realise, there are no guarantees in life. And time can bite you at any point. Don't waste it
 
Soldato
Joined
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Posts
9,857
Location
Wiltshire
I had a health scare at 33. I suddenly had knee pain in both knees that basically crippled me. I thought

"this is it, I'll never be able to do x, y, z again"
I got. Back into the dark place.

Managed to turn it around and after 2-3 years it's gone. But it really put into perspective how life can change at any moment and to make most of things.


It may not come back. It may do. But it made me realise, really realise, there are no guarantees in life. And time can bite you at any point. Don't waste it

Ah ok, well I'm glad it worked out! Great advice too.
 
Soldato
Joined
11 Oct 2005
Posts
4,656
Location
Manchester, UK
Without sounding like a condescending ****, it seems like people without kids think they stop you from doing anything?

Yes, the first 4 or so years its difficult to incorporate them into your activities but once they are old enough to get involved, it's fine. Especially if you have a partner who is accommodating.

We still go biking, on long walks, on holiday etc. I play golf a lot as that's my main hobby and my wife goes on nights out regularly.

Just this past week, I was out playing golf for 6 hours yesterday with 31 other mates. My wife went on a night out with her friend on the Friday. We all went out for a nice walk and bite to eat on Saturday.

The weekday evenings haven't changed much. Other than putting a child to bed, which takes 30 minutes max, it's just like having another friend here all the time. It's not like I have to carry round some inanimate object around with me that adds nothing to my life.
 
Soldato
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Wiltshire
@DanTheMan For me having them involved isn't a desirable outcome either. I could never see any benefit in having them, only a whole list of negatives.
Everyone is different, I'm the sort who would pay extra (were it possible) to have things like flights and supermarket trips out in a kid free zone.
Its the same reason I never wanted a dog, it's something I have to consider in everything I do.
I think you're just wired to want them or not, neither decision is a wrong one.


I'm kind of grateful. It gave me a real kick to not waste time. Maybe without it I wouldn't be so determined to max out my time now!

I hear you. I thought I found a lump once on one of my balls and the things that go through your head at lightspeed is insane. Made me think what would I do differently etc.
 
Soldato
Joined
13 Jan 2010
Posts
24,929
Location
Llaneirwg
Without sounding like a condescending ****, it seems like people without kids think they stop you from doing anything?

Yes, the first 4 or so years its difficult to incorporate them into your activities but once they are old enough to get involved, it's fine. Especially if you have a partner who is accommodating.

We still go biking, on long walks, on holiday etc. I play golf a lot as that's my main hobby and my wife goes on nights out regularly.

Just this past week, I was out playing golf for 6 hours yesterday with 31 other mates. My wife went on a night out with her friend on the Friday. We all went out for a nice walk and bite to eat on Saturday.

The weekday evenings haven't changed much. Other than putting a child to bed, which takes 30 minutes max, it's just like having another friend here all the time. It's not like I have to carry round some inanimate object around with me that adds nothing to my life.

I agree. If you have a good relationship, both organised kids don't hold you back for long.

But they are added cost, added time, added stress. And if you are good with all of these you life can be fairly similar to a child free relationship.

However if you are disorganised, not well off enough, have other issue (mental and physical) it's going to be much much harder work. And potentially create a stressful situation.


Youve got to be awesome people to be able to have kids and to have a fairly stress free life. That's my opinion anyway. Not everyone is blessed with that

I wouldn't make a good parent, so it's definitely a good thing for me to abstain from it.
I lack the mental Aspect mainly. I'd hate to pass on a few of my issues too.
 
Soldato
Joined
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Posts
4,656
Location
Manchester, UK
@DanTheMan For me having them involved isn't a desirable outcome either. I could never see any benefit in having them, only a whole list of negatives.
Everyone is different, I'm the sort who would pay extra (were it possible) to have things like flights and supermarket trips out in a kid free zone.
Its the same reason I never wanted a dog, it's something I have to consider in everything I do.
I think you're just wired to want them or not, neither decision is a wrong one.




I hear you. I thought I found a lump once on one of my balls and the things that go through your head at lightspeed is insane. Made me think what would I do differently etc.

I agree. If you have a good relationship, both organised kids don't hold you back for long.

But they are added cost, added time, added stress. And if you are good with all of these you life can be fairly similar to a child free relationship.

However if you are disorganised, not well off enough, have other issue (mental and physical) it's going to be much much harder work. And potentially create a stressful situation.


Youve got to be awesome people to be able to have kids and to have a fairly stress free life. That's my opinion anyway. Not everyone is blessed with that

I wouldn't make a good parent, so it's definitely a good thing for me to abstain from it.
I lack the mental Aspect mainly. I'd hate to pass on a few of my issues too.

Yep, I absolutely get not wanting to have children for a whole host of reasons. I just wanted to share the reality for a lot of people.
 
Soldato
Joined
6 Oct 2004
Posts
15,727
Location
Birmingham
I agree. If you have a good relationship, both organised kids don't hold you back for long.

But they are added cost, added time, added stress. And if you are good with all of these you life can be fairly similar to a child free relationship.

However if you are disorganised, not well off enough, have other issue (mental and physical) it's going to be much much harder work. And potentially create a stressful situation.


Youve got to be awesome people to be able to have kids and to have a fairly stress free life. That's my opinion anyway. Not everyone is blessed with that

I wouldn't make a good parent, so it's definitely a good thing for me to abstain from it.
I lack the mental Aspect mainly. I'd hate to pass on a few of my issues too.

There's a lot of luck involved as well, some kids can be a lot harder work than others! Our first was relatively easy, and is now old enough (9) that he can (mostly) look after himself in day-to-day stuff, our second is now 18 months old (well actually 15 months...), and has been a constant struggle since before he was born :D.

Mum spent the last 4 months of a 6 month pregnancy bedbound (other than hospital trips 2-3x a week) before the little bugger decided he'd had enough and came out at 26 weeks. Spent the next 3 months in NICU (in the middle of Lockdown #1), and another 3 months at home permanently attached to an oxygen tank (not that we could go anywhere anyway, but in normal times it would have been very restrictive). He still has almost weekly checkups, physio visits, progress monitoring etc. and so far has had 3 extended overnight stays in hospital with bronchiolitis. It does make us very careful of where we take him (particularly with covid still hovering around) especially for overnight stays when we are always considering what we can do/where to go if he needs urgent treatment.

Hopefully it's something he will grow out of soon (he's a strong & stubborn little fighter), and we wouldn't change him for anything, but the constant juggling of taking time off work due to illness (as of last week we are now both out of annual leave! :(), our finances being impacted because of my partner's loss of income due to first the illness, and then effectively losing 3 months of maternity leave due to him being premature, all takes its toll, and it's not really something you can prepare for, or "work around"
 
Soldato
Joined
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24,929
Location
Llaneirwg
There's a lot of luck involved as well, some kids can be a lot harder work than others! Our first was relatively easy, and is now old enough (9) that he can (mostly) look after himself in day-to-day stuff, our second is now 18 months old (well actually 15 months...), and has been a constant struggle since before he was born :D.

Mum spent the last 4 months of a 6 month pregnancy bedbound (other than hospital trips 2-3x a week) before the little bugger decided he'd had enough and came out at 26 weeks. Spent the next 3 months in NICU (in the middle of Lockdown #1), and another 3 months at home permanently attached to an oxygen tank (not that we could go anywhere anyway, but in normal times it would have been very restrictive). He still has almost weekly checkups, physio visits, progress monitoring etc. and so far has had 3 extended overnight stays in hospital with bronchiolitis. It does make us very careful of where we take him (particularly with covid still hovering around) especially for overnight stays when we are always considering what we can do/where to go if he needs urgent treatment.

Hopefully it's something he will grow out of soon (he's a strong & stubborn little fighter), and we wouldn't change him for anything, but the constant juggling of taking time off work due to illness (as of last week we are now both out of annual leave! :(), our finances being impacted because of my partner's loss of income due to first the illness, and then effectively losing 3 months of maternity leave due to him being premature, all takes its toll, and it's not really something you can prepare for, or "work around"

Absolutely.
And you cant get an exchange either.
It's one of those gambles I couldn't take.
 
Soldato
Joined
11 Sep 2013
Posts
11,533
This is about, well, how do you spend your free time as an adult in ways that feel fulfilling and exciting?
Playing in a band, going shooting, doing archery, reading books, watching films with swear words in, riding motorcycles, playing computer games for hours on end... basically doing all the stuff that having kids would either prohibit or seriously impact.

Every thread over the last few days has made me question whether I am on a forum for tired old men, and being groomed.
Well you need not worry about that - We're not interested in ugly ones. :p
 
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