I don't know if I want kids or not
- Thread starter redrabbit29
- Start date
Associate
both me and the other half are the same age as you OP, I feel exactly the same way. The other half likes the idea of a family, but doesn't like kids, if it happens it happens. I would really love a dog though 
very true, but if I'm blaming critical mass, generally I have to blame the Chinese! Aside from that, having kids blows all your thoughts apart, it really does, and it's kind of great..
Im 28 and my GF is 32. We've been together for nearly 5 years and whenever we spoke about kids it was always "Urgh children no thanks". In 7 weeks im expecting our first, a boy! 
Until now i never see myself ever having kids and never aspired to have any. When i found out she was pregnant i must have smoked a whole pack of 20 cigs even though i've quit for 3 years! I was sick big time and a big old nervous wreck.
Moving on to the present day i'm totally buzzing for him to arrive. It might come off as a bit soft but when i was decorating the nursery to surprise the GF I was putting all his tiny shoes and clothes in his wardrobe I wept like a right wuss
Looking back now, i think if i never had any kids it would have been the biggest regret of my life. Sure it'll be hard work but it gives you something money or material possesions never will.
Until now i never see myself ever having kids and never aspired to have any. When i found out she was pregnant i must have smoked a whole pack of 20 cigs even though i've quit for 3 years! I was sick big time and a big old nervous wreck.
Moving on to the present day i'm totally buzzing for him to arrive. It might come off as a bit soft but when i was decorating the nursery to surprise the GF I was putting all his tiny shoes and clothes in his wardrobe I wept like a right wuss
Looking back now, i think if i never had any kids it would have been the biggest regret of my life. Sure it'll be hard work but it gives you something money or material possesions never will.
I don't like other people's children for the most part but love my own and can't imagine life without them. A lot of care, responsibility, time, money, energy but very rewarding in ways that are hard to describe- likely because it arouses a primitive part of your brain that regards survival of the species. It's also nice to know you are adding, hopefully, decent people to the world that you can raise at least as well as you were.
The issue is the ideal time to raise children is when you are retired. Sadly biology doesn't work that way so at some point in your 30s you need to get down to business.
The issue is the ideal time to raise children is when you are retired. Sadly biology doesn't work that way so at some point in your 30s you need to get down to business.
I dig want kids, if my gf ever does and I'm still off this opinion, it will be end of relationship.
My wage isn't enough (in my opinion) to have kids. But it is at the level where work isn't that stressful.
To support kids id need more money, and have more stress from life (ie kids) and work.
I also need my own time sometimes, you can't choose this work kids, I like my hobbies, my sleep etc. The worry about losing my job due to dependants. Budget holidays, the list goes on
I also don't really like children, but love animals.
I imagine if I had have had kids work my ex. How much harder it would have been to move on, and difficulty finding a new relationship.
I'm glad I know this, that I know is make a bad parent etc.
I rarely hear people telling amazing stories about the kids, it's usually moaning.
Is much too much a sacrifice and risk. What if I had them, and hated it, there's no going back.
Only thing I worry about is that I want an amazing relationship, and not wanting kids can leave you alone as so many women want kids ss an absolute. Shame that
My wage isn't enough (in my opinion) to have kids. But it is at the level where work isn't that stressful.
To support kids id need more money, and have more stress from life (ie kids) and work.
I also need my own time sometimes, you can't choose this work kids, I like my hobbies, my sleep etc. The worry about losing my job due to dependants. Budget holidays, the list goes on
I also don't really like children, but love animals.
I imagine if I had have had kids work my ex. How much harder it would have been to move on, and difficulty finding a new relationship.
I'm glad I know this, that I know is make a bad parent etc.
I rarely hear people telling amazing stories about the kids, it's usually moaning.
Is much too much a sacrifice and risk. What if I had them, and hated it, there's no going back.
Only thing I worry about is that I want an amazing relationship, and not wanting kids can leave you alone as so many women want kids ss an absolute. Shame that
36 and still not convinced I want them. The type of life I lead and future I've mapped out for myself in my mind don't allow for them. I've struggled too hard to get where I am professionally, financially and personally to mess with that. I finally started living how I want to and work stresses aside, I live a fulfilling life free from obligation and anyone's needs. Hardly unique in that way, but I value it a lot.
I understand (as much as I ever will NOT having firsthand experience) that there's something or someone out there that's a part of you, etc etc etc, but intellectually that don't really spin my wheels enough to want to experience that. If I'm ever overcome by an urge to have a part of 'me' out there, I might donate sperm and let the chips fall where they may.
I understand (as much as I ever will NOT having firsthand experience) that there's something or someone out there that's a part of you, etc etc etc, but intellectually that don't really spin my wheels enough to want to experience that. If I'm ever overcome by an urge to have a part of 'me' out there, I might donate sperm and let the chips fall where they may.
Hehe, it's what I hear as well.
Been teasing a guy at work who just had a baby with his wife. When he comes in knackered, chain smoking, skint and glum, I always ask him if 'its worth it yet?'. Maybe I shouldn't as he's been absentmindedly muttering that getting a prostitute once a week would probably have been a better course for his life.
Man of Honour
I think that if you don't know you want kids then you probably don't want kids. It's not really a "maybe" kind of thing.
If you do have kids, you might find that it's wonderful and easily worth every cost. I've seen some parents drag themselves into work day after day half dead from sleep deprivation and without any money spare for anything and they were as happy as a pig in muck about it. Every day. It's quite strange looking in from the outside, like it's some kind of sci-fi story in which people are drugged into being happy all the time. They're still happy about it years later, though in a less grinning and babbling kind of way
You might also find that it's terrible, ends your relationship and blights your life.
You might also find that it's anywhere in between.
Seems like a massive gamble to me, especially for someone who doesn't seem to want kids. It's crossing the Rubicon - make that step and you're committed with no going back.
Caporegime
Kids are the dichotomy of loving something and resenting it at the same time.
I have two and adore them, but they are humongously annoying and challenging. My two year old is currently screaming for us to come to him whilst we're both tucked up in bed with a nice cup of tea. He's been awake since 5:30.
Without them, my wife and I could also go on holiday when and where we wanted, have better stuff, eat out willy nilly, etc., and we talk about this openly, but none of that is as fulfilling as laughing and playing with your kids.
I was very much on the fence about marriage and kids but in the end, just rolled with it and whilst I don't at all regret it, I could have been happy either way.
One thing being a parent has definitely done for me is push me on to give my kids the best lives I can.
I have two and adore them, but they are humongously annoying and challenging. My two year old is currently screaming for us to come to him whilst we're both tucked up in bed with a nice cup of tea. He's been awake since 5:30.
Without them, my wife and I could also go on holiday when and where we wanted, have better stuff, eat out willy nilly, etc., and we talk about this openly, but none of that is as fulfilling as laughing and playing with your kids.
I was very much on the fence about marriage and kids but in the end, just rolled with it and whilst I don't at all regret it, I could have been happy either way.
One thing being a parent has definitely done for me is push me on to give my kids the best lives I can.
I never liked kids at all, but my daughter is different. I have never loved anything as much. It's really hard to explain without coming across as very patronising, but all the clichés are true and it's something you have to experience for yourself.
It's hard, it's tiring, it's bloody expensive. It's worth it all when she gives me one of her mischievous little smiles, or when she snuggles into my neck when she's sleepy.
It's an experience I wouldn't want to have missed out on, but as others have said, I could have been happy not knowing what I had turned down.
I went with it because we were getting to a point where it was now or never and I didn't want to regret not taking the chance.
Your choice, but I can tell you it's an amazing experience
It's hard, it's tiring, it's bloody expensive. It's worth it all when she gives me one of her mischievous little smiles, or when she snuggles into my neck when she's sleepy.
It's an experience I wouldn't want to have missed out on, but as others have said, I could have been happy not knowing what I had turned down.
I went with it because we were getting to a point where it was now or never and I didn't want to regret not taking the chance.
Your choice, but I can tell you it's an amazing experience
Soldato
I'm the same age and of the same mindset as the OP. I'm not really that interested in having kids. People often say who will look after you when you're old? But let's be honest some kids are crap and don't give a crap about their parents anyway lol.
One big fear for me is having a child then it turns out to be Autistic or something. That would be horrendous to think about. It effectively ends your chance of normality forever.
I think I'm just quite a selfish person.
My own Father is terrible at being a Dad. He's got no significance in my life. If I turned out anything like him I'd be ashamed of myself. I share some of his traits and that kinda worries me too.
One big fear for me is having a child then it turns out to be Autistic or something. That would be horrendous to think about. It effectively ends your chance of normality forever.
I think I'm just quite a selfish person.
My own Father is terrible at being a Dad. He's got no significance in my life. If I turned out anything like him I'd be ashamed of myself. I share some of his traits and that kinda worries me too.
Soldato
Soldato
73 and no kids - Married at 30 in early 70's and got our first house - interest rates went up and we were both stuck working - By time we could afford to live on one wage any maternal instinct had gone and I got snip just to be sure - Main thing that put me off was wife's sister with her kids - No way I wanted my genes diluted by wife's family.
Niece hit her maternal spot 10 years ago and had IVF which didn't work then last year she picked up this stud who stuck her up pudding club at 40 - They spent a fortune on stuff - I could have bought a car for that - Boy was born and there is something wrong with him -
I am so glad I never put myself in that position.
I have never like anyone else's kids till moved here and guy over the road has 5 - nicest kids I have ever met - new neighbours have a little girl - What a grissly thing she is - whine whine whine.
Niece hit her maternal spot 10 years ago and had IVF which didn't work then last year she picked up this stud who stuck her up pudding club at 40 - They spent a fortune on stuff - I could have bought a car for that - Boy was born and there is something wrong with him -
I am so glad I never put myself in that position.
I have never like anyone else's kids till moved here and guy over the road has 5 - nicest kids I have ever met - new neighbours have a little girl - What a grissly thing she is - whine whine whine.
Soldato
- Joined
- 19 Jun 2012
- Posts
- 5,293
There seems to be a stigma in deciding to have no children. We made the decision last year that whilst the idea of a family is nice, the actual reality would be very different for us, even in best case scenario of a healthy baby.
Both of us have sacrificed so much time and effort into gaining stability we have done nothing but work, eat, sleep for quite a few years now. We have better times on the horizon and that is our chance to enjoy ourselves and do the things we always wanted to do.
Will we regret it? No idea. Possibly, but you make your choices in life and live with them.
Part of me feels its fundamentally failing in life not to have kids purely in biological terms. But our brothers and sisters have plenty! So the family wont die out anytime soon
Both of us have sacrificed so much time and effort into gaining stability we have done nothing but work, eat, sleep for quite a few years now. We have better times on the horizon and that is our chance to enjoy ourselves and do the things we always wanted to do.
Will we regret it? No idea. Possibly, but you make your choices in life and live with them.
Part of me feels its fundamentally failing in life not to have kids purely in biological terms. But our brothers and sisters have plenty! So the family wont die out anytime soon
Soldato
Two children here (son *7* and daughter *3*)
When we first had our son TBH I struggled at first with the whole concept of being a dad . My wife is Indian, and culturally for her there was massive pressure to have children, I gave way after 5 years of marriage.
Up until the point I had become a father I had always lived a very selfish existence, I could do what I want when I wanted and suddenly this all changed.
My wife had a horrible recovery after her C-section (emergency not our choice) and our son seemed to be (to me anyway) hard work, I had to change everything about myself that I had deemed important up until that point in my life.
I was simply not used or happy with being unselfish.
Six months later everything had changed for me, and I could not fathom not being a dad, and four years later we had our daughter.
Do I have to make compromises? Financially no, because fortunately I am in a position where money isn't really a concern, but with my time yes, and I do not feel complete without our children being around us.
Even when me and my wife go out alone I miss my children, so I have had a complete change of heart.
Is it hard? Hell yes,
Do I get frustrated with our children sometimes? 100% yes
Do they compromise time time? Yes....but I simply do not look at it that way anymore. They help me to fill my time.
Children isn't for anymore and during the first few months of our son I was really concerned that I was not 'dad' material, other friends I knew just seemed to take better to fatherhood than me, and I had helped to bring a boy into the world that would never feel loved by his father.
Fortunately for me I was quickly in a completely different place, and now I could not or do not want to move on with my life without my kids.
When we first had our son TBH I struggled at first with the whole concept of being a dad . My wife is Indian, and culturally for her there was massive pressure to have children, I gave way after 5 years of marriage.
Up until the point I had become a father I had always lived a very selfish existence, I could do what I want when I wanted and suddenly this all changed.
My wife had a horrible recovery after her C-section (emergency not our choice) and our son seemed to be (to me anyway) hard work, I had to change everything about myself that I had deemed important up until that point in my life.
I was simply not used or happy with being unselfish.
Six months later everything had changed for me, and I could not fathom not being a dad, and four years later we had our daughter.
Do I have to make compromises? Financially no, because fortunately I am in a position where money isn't really a concern, but with my time yes, and I do not feel complete without our children being around us.
Even when me and my wife go out alone I miss my children, so I have had a complete change of heart.
Is it hard? Hell yes,
Do I get frustrated with our children sometimes? 100% yes
Do they compromise time time? Yes....but I simply do not look at it that way anymore. They help me to fill my time.
Children isn't for anymore and during the first few months of our son I was really concerned that I was not 'dad' material, other friends I knew just seemed to take better to fatherhood than me, and I had helped to bring a boy into the world that would never feel loved by his father.
Fortunately for me I was quickly in a completely different place, and now I could not or do not want to move on with my life without my kids.
Caporegime
I don't want kids. Like Malevolence, I don't even want a long term relationship. I don't really know why, but neither appeal to me. I feel sorry for a friend of mine, he was single until the age of 40, he then met a girl he had known years before and fell for her. Within 6 months, she had moved in and fell pregnant. They had a little boy, but he tells me that even though he loves his boy like crazy, he's really not enjoying married life and misses everything about his old single life.
I think it's the freedom with me. I have one life. I want to spend it being able to do whatever I want to do and when I want to do it.
I think it's the freedom with me. I have one life. I want to spend it being able to do whatever I want to do and when I want to do it.
Caporegime
Then you should have kids or not.