If England play Brazil at the World Cup

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Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks.



"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're fully star swearing out and we can't be bothered". Ronaldinho looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub." So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)". He is beating England all by himself!



Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on...."Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 (Crouch 89 minutes)". They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against England !!



They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.



He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"



"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes"
 
ok ok didn't realise it was that old. try this one on for size:


A Rangers and Celtic fan get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Rangers fan replied,"Totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"

He hands the bottle to the Celtic fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands back to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?" The Rangers fan replies, "Nah...I think I'll just wait for the police......"
 
Are you stealing these from a certain football jokes website?

If so, post the one about Cudicini and the baby (although everyone here has probably already read it)!!
 
I just realised I heard both of those jokes over 15 years ago. Damn I'm getting old. :(

edit: same goes for the goalkeeper/baby/fire one.
 
Heres a very old one that Frosti probably hasn't heard either (substitute your own teams) -

A Leeds Fan, a Man U fan and a Liverpool fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.
The possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia,
so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers,
they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Leeds fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Leeds fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying for his mummy with pain when the punishment was done.
The Man U fan was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my flowery dress"
But even two pillows & 1 flowery dress could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.

The Liverpool fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but
before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs and restaurants in Europe, your city and football team is known throughout the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Cheers la, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The Liverpool fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave."
The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.

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"Please tie the Mancunian to my back."
 
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