Unfortunately my Grandad on Mum's side of the family passed away last night.
My Gran and Grandad divorced a few years back mainly due to my grandad's drinking problems although things between them had never been great. My grandad didn't go to my parents wedding as he thought my dad was too much of a commoner for my mum (although he was happy to flash his wallet and let everyone know he paid for it all). I think ever since then things between my grandparents were somewhat stressed.
My gran has lived with us the last couple of years, and we now live in what was my grandparents house, and indeed the house my mum lived in until she met my dad (parents bought my grandad's half off him when he divorced from my gran).
Over the last couple of years none of us have had much contact with him until he arrived on our doorstep out of the blue just before fathers day this year.
He was drunk as usual but not as bad as he often can be, and had a 10 min chat with mum and left without creating a scene.
Because of this mum decided to send him a letter on fathers day and offered to go and see him.
She got to the point where every month or so she'd go round for a couple of hours for a coffee and a chat. He was still difficult and awkward, but she was happy to at least spend some time with him and see that he was better than he used to be.
I still hadn't seen him for several years, but always said that before I move away (in a month or so) I'd go and seee him and have a chat and show him my graduation photos etc to try and make up for lost time and get him a bit more involved again.
Mum saw him for their monthly coffee and chat on Friday, and at the time he said he was due into hospital yesterday for a checkup on his heart (he'd been having problems for a while).
Mum got a phonecall mid-afternoon on Tuesday saying he'd been taken into hospital, but the phonecall came from some neighbours who had seen the ambulance rather than the "friends" of his that were with him. They were there 10 hours before my mum found out, why they didn't think to phone her I have no idea.
The problem was not actually directly related to his heart, but he had a large aneurism.
(The friends were people that used to work for a couple of his businesses before he drunk himself to bankrupcy, and were the very people who right until a few days ago kept him supplied with plenty of bottles of whisky).
My mum went to visit, but they would not leave his bedside so she didn't get any time alone with him (he was dosed up on morphone anyway, and not in a state to tell them to leave, and the sister said she couldnt do anything).
Mum was told they'd operate on him on the next day (Wednesday) and he'd be moved to intensive care and at that point only immediate family would be able to see him, so they'd get their time alone.
Wednesday came and mum phoned the hospital. They had decided to put off the operation for 24 hours to do more tests on his heart to make sure he was strong enough to operate on. Later on mum got a call saying that he'd had a heart attack but they'd managed to bring him back around and she had best come to the hospital straight away.
He died whilst she was making her way there, about 10 minutes before she arrived. The aneurism had burst and he went into cardiac arrest and there was nothing they could do.
I was out whilst all this was going on, and got back just after mum left for the hospital and felt terrible for not being there (my dad didn't go because of them never getting on and him and mum agreed it wouldnt be right for dad to be there).
This morning mum got a phonecall from the consultant who was due to operate on him, apologising for putting back the operation 24 hours (playing it safe due to his heart condition) as if they'd have operated when originally planned there was a chance he'd have survived. Not really what mum needed to hear.
It came at a bad time as mum wasn't expecting it. If he had had the operation and not recovered then that would have been one thing, but to receive a call out of the blue when as far as you're concerned he's stable and due for theatre the next day isn't nice.
At least Mum had recently started talking to him again and made her peace with him.
Unfortunately I'll never get that chance. He was never the perfect grandad, most of my memories of him are of him drunk, but with him seemingly relying less on the alcohol I really hoped that I'd be able to see him and have a fairly normal relationship with him again. I was all set for going to see him and spending some time with him to try and make up a bit for the relationship we never had.
I should have gone to see him sooner as soon as him and mum were back in contact, and definately would have done if I knew this was going to happen. He was in his early 70s and most of his problems (he also had bad lungs and kidneys) could probably be attributed to his years and years of heavy smoking and drinking.
I'm sorry this is a bit of a ramble and probaboly not worded perfectly, I just wanted to get my thoughts out and down somewhere.
My advice to anyone reading this who has lost contact with friends or family but who hope one day to put things right, is to not leave it too long and speak to them sooner rather than later, as one day you may unexpectedly no longer have the option of doing so.
You may not think it now, but if it ever happens you'll regret not speaking sooner.
My Gran and Grandad divorced a few years back mainly due to my grandad's drinking problems although things between them had never been great. My grandad didn't go to my parents wedding as he thought my dad was too much of a commoner for my mum (although he was happy to flash his wallet and let everyone know he paid for it all). I think ever since then things between my grandparents were somewhat stressed.
My gran has lived with us the last couple of years, and we now live in what was my grandparents house, and indeed the house my mum lived in until she met my dad (parents bought my grandad's half off him when he divorced from my gran).
Over the last couple of years none of us have had much contact with him until he arrived on our doorstep out of the blue just before fathers day this year.
He was drunk as usual but not as bad as he often can be, and had a 10 min chat with mum and left without creating a scene.
Because of this mum decided to send him a letter on fathers day and offered to go and see him.
She got to the point where every month or so she'd go round for a couple of hours for a coffee and a chat. He was still difficult and awkward, but she was happy to at least spend some time with him and see that he was better than he used to be.
I still hadn't seen him for several years, but always said that before I move away (in a month or so) I'd go and seee him and have a chat and show him my graduation photos etc to try and make up for lost time and get him a bit more involved again.
Mum saw him for their monthly coffee and chat on Friday, and at the time he said he was due into hospital yesterday for a checkup on his heart (he'd been having problems for a while).
Mum got a phonecall mid-afternoon on Tuesday saying he'd been taken into hospital, but the phonecall came from some neighbours who had seen the ambulance rather than the "friends" of his that were with him. They were there 10 hours before my mum found out, why they didn't think to phone her I have no idea.
The problem was not actually directly related to his heart, but he had a large aneurism.
(The friends were people that used to work for a couple of his businesses before he drunk himself to bankrupcy, and were the very people who right until a few days ago kept him supplied with plenty of bottles of whisky).
My mum went to visit, but they would not leave his bedside so she didn't get any time alone with him (he was dosed up on morphone anyway, and not in a state to tell them to leave, and the sister said she couldnt do anything).
Mum was told they'd operate on him on the next day (Wednesday) and he'd be moved to intensive care and at that point only immediate family would be able to see him, so they'd get their time alone.
Wednesday came and mum phoned the hospital. They had decided to put off the operation for 24 hours to do more tests on his heart to make sure he was strong enough to operate on. Later on mum got a call saying that he'd had a heart attack but they'd managed to bring him back around and she had best come to the hospital straight away.
He died whilst she was making her way there, about 10 minutes before she arrived. The aneurism had burst and he went into cardiac arrest and there was nothing they could do.
I was out whilst all this was going on, and got back just after mum left for the hospital and felt terrible for not being there (my dad didn't go because of them never getting on and him and mum agreed it wouldnt be right for dad to be there).
This morning mum got a phonecall from the consultant who was due to operate on him, apologising for putting back the operation 24 hours (playing it safe due to his heart condition) as if they'd have operated when originally planned there was a chance he'd have survived. Not really what mum needed to hear.
It came at a bad time as mum wasn't expecting it. If he had had the operation and not recovered then that would have been one thing, but to receive a call out of the blue when as far as you're concerned he's stable and due for theatre the next day isn't nice.
At least Mum had recently started talking to him again and made her peace with him.
Unfortunately I'll never get that chance. He was never the perfect grandad, most of my memories of him are of him drunk, but with him seemingly relying less on the alcohol I really hoped that I'd be able to see him and have a fairly normal relationship with him again. I was all set for going to see him and spending some time with him to try and make up a bit for the relationship we never had.
I should have gone to see him sooner as soon as him and mum were back in contact, and definately would have done if I knew this was going to happen. He was in his early 70s and most of his problems (he also had bad lungs and kidneys) could probably be attributed to his years and years of heavy smoking and drinking.
I'm sorry this is a bit of a ramble and probaboly not worded perfectly, I just wanted to get my thoughts out and down somewhere.
My advice to anyone reading this who has lost contact with friends or family but who hope one day to put things right, is to not leave it too long and speak to them sooner rather than later, as one day you may unexpectedly no longer have the option of doing so.
You may not think it now, but if it ever happens you'll regret not speaking sooner.
