Inappropriate jokes / moments in life

I was sitting on a bus on the way home from work a few months ago, and the route's always full of elderly people. One old boy was trying to chat to a couple of young girls a few seats in front of me and said "I'm 84, you know", in that confident manner the very elderly have when they get to an age they feel is worthy of boasting. One of the girls replied "Really? Not long now, then", which cracked me up. The old guy didn't seem to get it.
 
eddiemcgarrigle said:
I was first in attendance to a fire in a flat where nieghbours had noticed whispy white smoke issuing from the open front door. They also reported the owner being 'very drunk' when they last saw him.

I made my way into the flat to find the owner lying on the floor, very badly burned about the face and body. He had managed to spill half a bottle of some sort of cheap aclochol down himself and had then attempted to light a rolll-up ciggie which he dropped and he then went up like a Roman Candle. Unable to get off the couch he had been sitting on, the fire burnt around him and partially through him (exposed ribs anyone?). He only made it onto the floor when the couch collapsed. Absolutley nothing that could be done other than to administer oxygen and attempt to console him.

Did I mention that as I walked into the room the radio was blaring out the Trammps classic, Disco Inferno? The chorus of 'burn baby burn' had just reached it's peak as I looked down on a very badly charred drunk. Remember kiddies, drink responsibly.
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Thats horrific! Yet also quite funny with the music blaring out like that.
 
eddiemcgarrigle said:
I was first in attendance to a fire in a flat where nieghbours had noticed whispy white smoke issuing from the open front door. They also reported the owner being 'very drunk' when they last saw him.

I made my way into the flat to find the owner lying on the floor, very badly burned about the face and body. He had managed to spill half a bottle of some sort of cheap aclochol down himself and had then attempted to light a rolll-up ciggie which he dropped and he then went up like a Roman Candle. Unable to get off the couch he had been sitting on, the fire burnt around him and partially through him (exposed ribs anyone?). He only made it onto the floor when the couch collapsed. Absolutley nothing that could be done other than to administer oxygen and attempt to console him.

Did I mention that as I walked into the room the radio was blaring out the Trammps classic, Disco Inferno? The chorus of 'burn baby burn' had just reached it's peak as I looked down on a very badly charred drunk. Remember kiddies, drink responsibly.
Click to expand...

Ever seen final destination? Death always makes sure to play appropiate music for the situation whenever he gets the chance :cool:
 
worked with a guy that in his first week asked the directors wife (who also worked for the company) when she was due.... however she was not up the duff at all, just a bit of a porker..

for the next few years we never let mark forget about that...

(not related to the thread but someone also created a word macro that replace the directors wife name with "fat cow", it would not have mattered so much but she was a trainer and loads of letters were sent to clients to confirm their trainer was "fat cow")
 
Only happened a few weeks ago but I was out and started chatting to a girl. I noticed she had something on her face, without even thinking as I was pretty drunk I told her ,but it was one of those piercings above the lip. I felt so stupid :/
 
I'm also one of those people impropriety seems to seek out and dump on. I just can't help it. :p

Only a week ago, we were at a mate's house having a drink with him and his mrs. We'd not seen each other for a couple of months after our house move, and were making up for lost time (a couple of vodkas, takeaway, good chat etc). My fiancée, my mate and his mrs went outside for a smoke, but I was busy faffing around inside looking for my cigs.

I finally find them and get to the back door, to be met with the other three (my fiancée and my friends) mid conversation: "...so she's stood there with this big cucumber, and looked proper chuffed with herself!".

Drunkenly, I ask "Phwoar, who has a cucumber and what did she do with it? You can't shut up now I'm nursing a semi!".

*awkward silence*

"Erm, we were just talking about [insert name of their 2 year old daughter] discovering new foods at nursery mate"...

"E...er...u...erm...." :o

:\

They lol'd and took the mick, but I died a little inside and sobered up a fair bit quite quickly as you can imagine. D'oh!
 
My brother, gf and I were watching Team America one night having ordered a Chinese. About half way through the film the phone rang and my brother picked up with the words "ohhhh herrowwww" to which the Chinese guy on the end of the phone said "ohhhh herrrohhh". My brother nearly kacked his pants and very quickly blurted out that he was going to hand the phone to someone else.

At work one day a guy from our video library came in to talk about something random (i honestly dont know what) and the other guy in our suite blurted back "thats what your mum said last night". The librarian then noted that his mother had died some 5 years previously in a car accident. Stupid blurter guy was distraught. Fortunately Librarian took it the right way and just wanted to see the horror on the guys face.
 
I had a meeting with my landlord when I was 17 and my mum had to come along for verification (underage and all), and she managed to make the lovely mistake of asking "how old is she", as in their 4 year old son :( Landlord sharply corrected my mum with "HE is 4".

Most inappropriate moment I've experienced has been when I was on a language course in Devon and we where on the bus with this guy who had the most disgusting greasy hair, a face full of spots, a cap on and very odd clothes. So me an my friend couldn't help but notice and started making fun of the guy (in Norwegian) only to see that he was sitting almost in tears at the end of the ride before his friend asked him what was wrong, in Norwegian.. Never felt so bad.
 
I was out in Birmingham a few months back with a mate of mine, and there was a bible-basher with a sign saying "have you coveted, stolen, wanted another woman, idolised another god (etc etc)? If so, you won't go to heaven." My mate (slightly drunk) said "I have done none of those things, but I have raped and murdered somebody. Do I get into heaven then?"
 
I've regularly made paedo jokes around someone who was apparently sexually abused as a child. EVERY time I do it I immediately cringe just as the words finish falling out.
 
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