Is it me or are a lot of couples breaking up at the moment?

Caporegime
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I don't overly understand it, do people not spend time together before they commit to marriage these days? I first went out with my wife in 1988, when she was 18, we didn't get married until 1993. We're still together.

Met my (then) girlfriend in 2010 and got married in 2018.

Marriage changed nothing (good thing) as far as I'm concerned.
 
Soldato
Joined
4 Aug 2004
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5,205
As the title says, I've noticed a lot in the last 6 months that a lot of couples that I know and that my wife knows have been splitting up.

It might be my age as I'm 37 and at that point in life people have been together a long time but it does seem particularly rife right now.

Am I being over sensitive here or has anyone else noticed?

I don't know of any.
 
Soldato
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7,684
Statistically I read that over 50% of marriages now end in divorce in the UK. I know absolutely loads of people that are divorced. It's so accepted these days and "normal" that people won't work at marriage problems. I think also cheating has become less accepted as a mistake, and basically the first time = over straight away without question. I'm not saying this is wrong, just that in the past, I think mistakes were possibly forgiven more? Ah....maybe not. Dunno.
 
Man of Honour
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I’ve ended loads of relationships on the basis that I didn’t ‘feel right’ even though I liked the person - there was some nagging feeling. But basically, not once did I ever say “hey - I’m feeling a bit poopy, what do you think?”. I just ended it on the basis of “I do not feel happy therefore it’s wrong”. I mean, that’s insane. Not once did I try and grow personally or, heaven forbid, actually work at the relationship.

Relationships are complicated and require work to build and maintain intimacy. Some more so than others. But what matters is your willingness to commit and accept the risk that the relationship may cause you pain - relationships can make you pretty vulnerable and well as making you very strong.

I also think that a lot of young couples have children before they even begin to figure out who they are as a person.

With all of that said: “If first you succeed, try and try and try and try again. Then quit. No point being a damn fool about it”.
 
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Cuffing season: When a partner is just for Christmas

In a nutshell: pull someone around September time, cuddle up with them in the colder months, take them to Winter Wonderland, spend Christmas together, then dump them. Sadly, it happens with pets too with dogs being abandoned, when really a pet should be for life, not just Christmas. No difference with partners - at least try and make it long-term.

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BBC News said:
Summer is a time for festivals, long lazy days in the park and for some of us... being single.

But come September, as the daylight hours get shorter and temperatures drop, you might find yourself wanting someone to cuddle up with.

That is basically the premise of "cuffing season" - that's when people who are normally happy being single decide it's time to find a plus-one for the Christmas party.

And then swiftly dispose of them before their trip to Ibiza in the spring. Brutal.
 
Caporegime
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I’ve ended loads of relationships on the basis that I didn’t ‘feel right’ even though I liked the person - there was some nagging feeling. But basically, not once did I ever say “hey - I’m feeling a bit poopy, what do you think?”. I just ended it on the basis of “I do not feel happy therefore it’s wrong”. I mean, that’s insane. Not once did I try and grow personally or, heaven forbid, actually work at the relationship.

Lol, to me this makes you come across as a bit of a pyscho. It might be an age thing too. I dunno, no need for pseudo analysis, it just creeped me out and made me laugh.
 
Soldato
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In Christ
.

Relationships are complicated and require work to build and maintain intimacy. Some more so than others. But what matters is your willingness to commit and accept the risk that the relationship may cause you pain - relationships can make you pretty vulnerable and well as making you very strong.
Agreed

I've only been married 6 1/2 years but there have been some really difficult times/experiences where if we weren't committed and constantly choosing to work at it, it could have split us.
I'm glad of it, our marriage is the most precious thing, it's more rewarding and we're far stronger together now than we ever have been.
 
Man of Honour
Joined
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Lol, to me this makes you come across as a bit of a pyscho. It might be an age thing too. I dunno, no need for pseudo analysis, it just creeped me out and made me laugh.
Haha it does, although you’re the person laughing at the misfortune of others, psycho :p

Yes, my post was acknowledging my previously fickle behaviour and inability to deal with conflicting emotions (which I have gone on to address), in part as follows:

1) coveting can strangle a relationship.

2) you need your relationship to breathe.

3) conflict is healthy and there will always be some degree of conflict or compromise.

4) it’s not your partner’s responsibility to make you happy.

5) acknowledging relationships are hard at times.

Otherwise, relationships are ‘fine, wonderful and easy’... until they are not, at which point the relationship simply ends because of your inability to interpret the situation any other way than ‘this is the end’.

As I have mentioned elsewhere, behaviour I avoided that I considered highly destructive (saying “I’m not happy in the relationship”) has actually been phenomenally constructive. Working through a conflict bonds you, even if it’s a conflict between the two of you.
 
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Caporegime
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Buckinghamshire
Past year I've seen probably four/five people I know split up from their long term partner or wife. Then probably another handful from others I'm aware of in the same extended circle.
 
Soldato
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I've noticed a lot of relationships tend to break up around this time of year. I've had one relationship break up during the week after new year. She broke up with me, though she was starting to annoy me. From what she said when we started talking again was she was doing it on purpose so I'd break up with her. Oh and she wanted to wait until after Christmas/New Year so she'd get any presents I bought her. I didn't get that annoyed because I was glad to know the truth and I was outta there.

I think relationships require some work from both sides, and in my situation I noticed for a long time little things where she would become unreasonable and didn't seem to care about hurting my emotions or the relationship. I think when someone gets like that you need to end it. At the time I thought maybe its a passing phase. But trust me, its not. End it there and move on.

I remember hearing a few years ago someone said, we hurt the people we love more than the people we hate. If you love someone then its rare people tell them the truth. If you hate someone then usually you'd be more blunt and direct with gives them clarity of whats happened.
 
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