Joke

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Could not find it, but I am absolutely positive some of you have seen it before :)

'From an Aussie friend'


BILLY'S DAD

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children

what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out,

fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc but Billy

was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about

his father.


My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his

clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good,

he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with

him."


The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little

Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."
 
Plenty of times, about plenty of different sports and clubs. Older than time itself :)
 
My wife received this by text yesterday. The sadist in me decided to share.

"I'm in hospital but don't panic. I've managed to poison myself! I ate what I thought was an onion. It was actually a daffodil bulb. The doctor says I'll be out in the spring."

:o
 
checjb said:
My wife received this by text yesterday. The sadist in me decided to share.

"I'm in hospital but don't panic. I've managed to poison myself! I ate what I thought was an onion. It was actually a daffodil bulb. The doctor says I'll be out in the spring."

:o


Leave now :p
 
What do you do if you're in Northern Ireland and try to kill someone, but get caught?


.....claim you're a terrorist and try it again tomorrow.


I thought of that one myself :rolleyes:
 
Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It
was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of
the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only
broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin.
Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......


BUMP........


BUMP........


BUMP........


Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving
rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.

BUMP........


BUMP........
BUMP........


He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box
approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more
clearly....It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put
his head down and started walking briskly home.



BUMP........


BUMP........


BUMP........

He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking
faster.........

BUMP........BUMP......

BUMP........BUMP..

BUMP........BUMP......


The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he
heard the coffin speed up after him......

BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...

BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...

BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...


He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ......


BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.


BUMP...BUMP..BUMP...BUMP.....


BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only
seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys,
His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside
slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and
slumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the
coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact
broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its
rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could
take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........

BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...

BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...

BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...

The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and
launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the
bathroom door flew off its hinges..... The coffin stood in the doorway,
then started to approach the young terrified lad.

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom
cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at
the coffin.......still it came ......

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it.....still it came......



BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...


He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it....still it came......

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH..





He grabbed some Benilyn cough mixture and threw it........













The coffin stopped

:o :(
 
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