jokie

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This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out. The tramp said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside.
A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman. This drunk also demanded a cocktail stick if he was to leave quietly. There had been no trouble the first time so, once again, the barman obliged and the old drunk quietly left.
Soon after, a third wino came into the barman and without hesitation the barman offered him a cocktail stick to leave. This time though the drunk turned him down and said he would only leave if the barman gave him a drinking straw.
Curiosity finally got the better of the barman and he asked the old drunk why he wanted a drinking straw when the other two drunks had asked for cocktail sticks. The wino said "Well, someone was sick outside and all the lumpy bits have gone now!"
 
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Very funny.

Funny enough, me and my Dad actually witnessed a tramp throw up and start eating his own vomit in Glasgow once. He only used his hands to pick at it though. :)
 

Baz

Baz

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I'll lighten the thread up with another bad joke, though not as gross :)


[SIZE=-1] Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "I'll tell him."[/SIZE]
 
Capodecina
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I remember that being told in the playground when I was about six. I don't know how anyone who was even slightly mature could find it funny.
 

Baz

Baz

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Baz's Joke was way better :D

Thanks, I'll be here all week, at the end of the pier...


:)


Whilst I am on a roll..... :eek:

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,
"I think I'm planting them too deep."




A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," his friend replied, "and left me £25,000. Then in September my father died, leaving me £90,000."
"Losing both parents in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me £15,000." His friend continued.
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," concluded, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"



:)
 
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