Lads - this happened to you? Wife of 5yrs fallen out of love

DB_SamX said:
With all these supportive messages such as "It is for the best", have any of you on here actually felt they were better off or met someone even better once your other half left/divorced you? By that, I mean when you were "dumped" and didn't want to. Not mutual breakup either. I'm genuinely curious.
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I often find it is although it dose not seem that way at the time. Sometimes you don't realise for a few years and then look back and realise it was for the best .

I bumped into one of my ex the other day she looked like a bag lady (was very pretty) I thought thank God I did not marry her :D
 
Awww man ya'll are the best. Seriously when those feelings of despair hit me (it comes in waves) I run to my PC and fire up this theard to see what all my OcUk forum-crew have said. You have no idea how much its helped.

I mean...shes out there on holiday with friends and family...I cant stay here and be sad all the time. Cant let her see me miserable.

Right time to install Red Faction Guirella and sledgehammer somethin!

I often find it is although it dose not seem that way at the time. Sometimes you don't realise for a few years and then look back and realise it was for the best .
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Thats very true mate...Im sure that in time I will appreciate that comment even more :)
 
Just noticed this thread and it made quite interesting reading.
I'm with my 4th mrs (actually shes technically the 5th but as she was also the first I'll call her the 4th).
All my women were very different both in looks and character and after the dust settled I realised that I had actually changed for the better after each break. Older, wiser,mentally stronger and definately not as naive. Thats the way of the world, what does'nt kill you makes you stronger.
Bet you don't make the same mistakes again (if any).
 
I thought I had made my mind upon something, but since reading this thread I've started to think about it again! :rolleyes:

But seriously OP, sit her down and have a chat, or take her out to a nice restaurant, where you can talk there, if she doesnt want to at first, try to persuade her. Make the evening exciting! ;)

I think this is also a lesson for most of us lads, don't neglect them if you can help it.
 
Awwww that really is aweful and I feel for you :( Had you only been together 5 years? As in dating or married for five years and together for longer?

Being only 21 I haven't much experiance with true heart break, having to accept I am truely going to loose the one I love. I do fear it every day but I am lucky it hasn't happened. I hope she will see the light or that you move on and find someone who appreciates little things about you like gaming and stuff like that
 
KatanaDV20 - Only had a quick browse through this thread but can I say well done for admitting the things that was wrong on your part as many people wouldn't do that.

BUT

Why she didn't try and speak about this to you before hand is beyond me.
 
But seriously OP, sit her down and have a chat, or take her out to a nice restaurant, where you can talk there, if she doesnt want to at first, try to persuade her. Make the evening exciting!
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That is an idea mate and its very tempting but Im also concious of that the fact that she is TOTALLY swtiched off on me. For example she told me:

"I can never be physical with you again"

And then she:

1. Changed her appearance (hairdo)
2. Removed her wedding ring
3. Moved into the spare bedroom
4. Her texts and emails to me dont even mention my name anymore

This is what Im up against so I dont know what she will say to a dinner....she returns 16th Feb I will have to watch her body language closely and then risk asking her.

KatanaDV20 - Only had a quick browse through this thread but can I say well done for admitting the things that was wrong on your part as many people wouldn't do that.

BUT

Why she didn't try and speak about this to you before hand is beyond me.
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Thank you - well I had to admit that cuz I didnt wanna make you all think I was Mr. Innocent in all of this.

But yes...I find the fact that she kept it in for 5yrs very distressing - she did give signals but obviously I missed them. Why she didnt sit me down and say "Look chuck heres the deal....blahblahblahblah.....it will one day make me resent you and I will end up leaving you...please...lets fix this now"

My gosh if only that had happened this thread would not exist.

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@ Globul - cheers mate. Unfortunately it is the way of the world and Nature says if your heart can be loved it can also be broken. Its one of the Trials of Life. I only hope that someone like you has read this thread and keeps the main points in mind so you dont make the same mistake. One day you will meet the woman of your dreams...just remember the PS3 aint goin anywhere...give some time for her. And watch her body language like a hawk...if she seems to be holding something back you sit her down and talk about it right then and there.
 
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cm1179 said:
never happened to me but it happened to a mate of mine christmas 2008 and his girlfriend of nearly 10 yrs. said she still loved him etc but he didn't pay her enough attention. just totally cut him off cold and told him to not contact her etc. he did this and it was over. he saw her over the following summer (when he was almost totally over it) and she said that if he had faught for it over the christmas period, she thinks it could've worked out and that if he had proposed to her she would've said yes!
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He's lucky he didn't propose, then. She explicitly stated she wanted him to do something, then months later told him she actually wanted him to do the complete opposite. Not a person to spend your life with - you would never know what to do, but you could be sure you'd be wrong anyway. That would grind you down.
 
KatanaDV20 said:
[..]

I did speak to her asking her why she didnt give me a butt-kicking like this earlier on. She said she did tell me stuff but I missed all the signals. Again Im afraid she is right.
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Signals have to be received for them to be signals. If you spent years sending signals to someone who wasn't receiving them, would you consider it solely their fault? Or would you try making clearer signals? Like, for example, using words that actually mean whatever message you were trying to send.

It's not solely your fault.

All those times she asked me to save my GTA or COD4 game and come to bed.
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OK, that one is your fault.

All those times she hinted she wanted to go somewhere nice for a holiday.
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But never said anything clear. She could have communicated clearly with you, but chose not to. That's not solely your fault.

The moaning I did after 4 hours had passed in a shopping mall.
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How often did she moan after spending 4 hours playing GTA or COD4 with you, i.e. doing something you wanted to do and she didn't? In other words, like you doing something you didn't want to do (wandering around a shopping mall for hours) and she did.

I didnt realize the damage I was doing because I kept doing it for 5 years. She was bottling it up. So while she was throwing a lot of hints she does acknowledge she should have pulled out a bat and given me a good bash to wake me up (like she did now - only its too late)
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No, she should have just communicated with you. No need for violence. She chose to not do so. It's not solely your fault.

Bottom line is that - it's not solely your fault. She chose to bottle things up. She chose to not communicate with you. You are not at fault for not reading her mind.
 
It does sound like shes been feeling this way for a while, and the little niggles in your OP was used as a reason, else she would have the decentcy to talk to you about it instead of throwing everything away.

I hope nothing but the best for you with whatever the final outcome after the holiday is. I carn't bare to think how i would feel if my partner told me she didn't love me anymore.

I realy feel for you
 
Thanks Neodite. Its definetly headed for divorce now, she comes back the week of 14th Feb. Then the "fun" begins shortly after. I spoke to her on the phone and she asked how I was feeling. I made the stupid mistake of saying I didnt want this to happen and she replied "Well I feel totally the opposite...I feel like ME again. We make great friends but when it comes to husband & wife - no"

I find the fact that someone can go off you completely & abruptly horribly fascinating in a way. Wouldnt wish it on anyone.

As of now I just want to get this over with. The split will be amicable at least, theres no viciousness or nastiness involved. She obviously moved on, I need to get with the program.

I've begun - next weekend Im havin like 9-10 people over for a house partay...beer, pizza & Rambo movies. Does this count as a male pity-party lol.

Man....divorce is one crummy feeling; I never want to experience this again. Thanx as always for the support OcUK forumers.
 
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Wow, feel sorry for you mate. Your honesty is...eye opening. I do hope I never have to experience what you are but hey, that's life, you'll survive. Just don't let your social life suffer, try and keep your confidence up and keep going like. Goodluck!
 
@ Reppyboyo, deleted, Angilion - thanx for the words :)

I hope no-one else on this thread has to go through this, as Ive said many times before one of the reasons I started this thread was so that it would help others on here who might recognize the signals before it was too late for their relationship. I can see that some people have already sat up and taken note. Just seeing that means that all thats happenin here isnt in vain if it can help in a small way to keep another relationship goin :)
 
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