Althrough i completely agree with her that you should have paid much more attention to her, this is the number one thing that erks me about women. They think they can change a man to what they want. I make it clear to them before we start the relationship. That this is the way i am, and if you think i will change my ways after marriage then they will be in a world of hurt and dissapointment. If you don't like what you see, move on. They should love you for who you are, not what they think they can mould you into.
Lads - this happened to you? Wife of 5yrs fallen out of love
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Althrough i completely agree with her that you should have paid much more attention to her, this is the number one thing that erks me about women. They think they can change a man to what they want. I make it clear to them before we start the relationship. That this is the way i am, and if you think i will change my ways after marriage then they will be in a world of hurt and dissapointment. If you don't like what you see, move on. They should love you for who you are, not what they think they can mould you into.
Yeah, Relate is a good idea if you can convince her but my guess is that she's already moving on in her head and wouldn't want to begin to haul it back again.
She said we didnt have much in common, but she's 39, mid life crisis, grass is greener etc. After 18 years you would think she might have twigged before eh?.
Sorry to hear this, I hope you can work past it and she comes to her senses. Your posts normally give me a laugh and I hope you can get back to laughing yourself again soon
Jazz - dude initially when this broke I admit that for about a week I was a bit of a wreck, just didnt know what hit me. But that lasted 7 days, after that I pulled my socks up and now Im in control of myself. The distress will of course take time to go but Im not a withering wreck and wont allow myself to be
Naturally mate you would be shocked initially, there are a lot of people who will come out and tell you to man up but have never come close to being in that kind of a situation. Hang in there buddy and keep strong, sometimes nice being able to come on a forum where you don't know the people personally for some honest advice. More likely that you will hear what you need to hear in a place like this whereas in real life people tend to say what you want to hear.
She is saying she wants out and from what he is saying she has made it quite clear she wants out. I personally think she is just making excuses and putting the blame on him so she can use his guilt to get out more easily. The person who breaks up with the other will obviously find it more easier to get away and usually in their mind already have their plans in place. What you are suggesting would the ideal solution but I think her mind is made.
Just seen this now, sucks man and feel for you. Can't believe after 17 years her excuse is you don't have much in common. Sorry to hear that buddy.
Reading all this is getting me all worried and I'm not even married!
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Thanx m8 I will do that, it does help loads to post this on here specially since you lot have been so supportive. Im never taking the OcUk forum massive for granted again!
vandiesel that is rock-solid advice mate, thanks for that. Specially the bit about ME going out, kinda never thought of it that way. Need to get some new clothes and get my ass out there. Yes Im really glad I did not sucumb to begging!
Thats a great idea and Im looking into taking up karate lessons during the evenings. I also wanna learn how to make a website so looking for local classes.
Nix - Sir yes Sir I'll do that. Fortunately I can say that as depressing as all this is I have already learned a lot from it. Thanks for the bit about creatures of habit, she did say she knows I loved her but in my own way - it was just not enough for her I guess.
@ Maccy - yea hangin in there mate, bit tough sometimes but Im determined to get through this!
Thats ok mate....at least I know dudes are reading this and it might help them see warning signs in their relationships. Hope it helps someone arrest the damage before its too late.
@ Simian - checking that out now!
@ robgmun - yea I know what you mean and it did cross my mind that on another level I would have to force myself to be someone Im not - she even said that. "You are you, you were just being you, you didnt really do anything wrong" she said.
She flat out said "No" to that. She defo wants out mate, I did try. Mat is right in his analysis! However Im going for couselling 4 times a month and its helping a lot.
Cheers for that JAzz I will be strong, its just sometimes really hard becuase this does not seem to affect her at all (or shes hiding it well). Shes walks around the house whistling, calling friends, calling family, going shopping etc etc. I swear if you saw her you would think nothings wrong. But yea I guess its easier for her because she is dumper and Im the dumpee but every day Im getting stronger.
@ Metalface Mark - dude Im so sorry to hear that, I cant even imagine what you must be going through. 5 years feels dreadful enough. I know how it feels man Im in the same boat now so like me you can use this great forum to get stuff of your chest. In the meantime - courage brother.
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Did I tell ya'll I bookmarked this thread? Its better than any of the breakup books Ive bought
Thanx m8 I will do that, it does help loads to post this on here specially since you lot have been so supportive. Im never taking the OcUk forum massive for granted again!
vandiesel that is rock-solid advice mate, thanks for that. Specially the bit about ME going out, kinda never thought of it that way. Need to get some new clothes and get my ass out there. Yes Im really glad I did not sucumb to begging!
Thats a great idea and Im looking into taking up karate lessons during the evenings. I also wanna learn how to make a website so looking for local classes.
Nix - Sir yes Sir
I'll do that. Fortunately I can say that as depressing as all this is I have already learned a lot from it. Thanks for the bit about creatures of habit, she did say she knows I loved her but in my own way - it was just not enough for her I guess.@ Maccy - yea hangin in there mate, bit tough sometimes but Im determined to get through this!
Thats ok mate....at least I know dudes are reading this and it might help them see warning signs in their relationships. Hope it helps someone arrest the damage before its too late.
@ Simian - checking that out now!
@ robgmun - yea I know what you mean and it did cross my mind that on another level I would have to force myself to be someone Im not - she even said that. "You are you, you were just being you, you didnt really do anything wrong" she said.
She flat out said "No" to that. She defo wants out mate, I did try. Mat is right in his analysis! However Im going for couselling 4 times a month and its helping a lot.
Cheers for that JAzz I will be strong, its just sometimes really hard becuase this does not seem to affect her at all (or shes hiding it well). Shes walks around the house whistling, calling friends, calling family, going shopping etc etc. I swear if you saw her you would think nothings wrong. But yea I guess its easier for her because she is dumper and Im the dumpee but every day Im getting stronger.
@ Metalface Mark - dude Im so sorry to hear that, I cant even imagine what you must be going through. 5 years feels dreadful enough. I know how it feels man Im in the same boat now so like me you can use this great forum to get stuff of your chest. In the meantime - courage brother.
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Did I tell ya'll I bookmarked this thread? Its better than any of the breakup books Ive bought
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Sounds like it's 100% over. What strikes me is the ease in which she has been able to end it, either she really doesn't care or she's been feeling like it for so long that she's glad it's over.
Anyways, you can't try to dwell on the past too much, if she really wanted to make a go of things she would. So maybe she's not as awesome as you once thought she was?
Counselling sounds good, you can see things from another perspective. Make sure you start Karate dude, it's a great martial art and whilst not as fancy as other martial arts, it's an excellent one to start with, builds a great base to start your quest from! You'll get fitter, have more confidence, more discipline and have a lot of fun too!!
If you can, why not go for a weekend away somewhere? Either grab a mate or two or go on your own? Not really the best of weather at the moment, but it'll pass some time at least.
Anyways, you can't try to dwell on the past too much, if she really wanted to make a go of things she would. So maybe she's not as awesome as you once thought she was?
Counselling sounds good, you can see things from another perspective. Make sure you start Karate dude, it's a great martial art and whilst not as fancy as other martial arts, it's an excellent one to start with, builds a great base to start your quest from! You'll get fitter, have more confidence, more discipline and have a lot of fun too!!
If you can, why not go for a weekend away somewhere? Either grab a mate or two or go on your own? Not really the best of weather at the moment, but it'll pass some time at least.
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Thanks a lot dude I will definetly do that as Im pretty clueless as to where to start. I want to build a good website and learn CSS and stuff like I want it to have slideout menus and stuff. Am I making any sense hee hee. Will email you!
Thats good to know!! I found a local Shotokan club so yea it will be a workout and also get me out of the house.
As for going away Im trying to find something. Im a bit of a trance-head so Im looking for some mental trance parties. Would have loved to go to Dusseldorf for Sensation but dont have the money at the moment. Maybe next year!
Do it, in fact, just got go to a trance night in london, won't be cheap but you could make a weekend of it.
Shotokan is what I studied dude
It's the original form of karate originating in Okinawa that was brought over here. It is quite basic (at the lower grades at least) and very orthodox, but it is very good in the sense that stances and stuff have to be 100% perfect, very good for taking your mind of things as you really have to concentrate!!
The fighting or kumite is good, you have to be quick, but it's not full contact (although you do get hit; it's inevitable) so you shouldn't be walking around with too many bruises.
Kata is like a formation of moves - one of my favourite aspects of karate as it's a test against yourself, do you have the speed? the technique? balance? agility? discipline? Great stuff!
Shotokan is what I studied dude
It's the original form of karate originating in Okinawa that was brought over here. It is quite basic (at the lower grades at least) and very orthodox, but it is very good in the sense that stances and stuff have to be 100% perfect, very good for taking your mind of things as you really have to concentrate!! The fighting or kumite is good, you have to be quick, but it's not full contact (although you do get hit; it's inevitable) so you shouldn't be walking around with too many bruises.
Kata is like a formation of moves - one of my favourite aspects of karate as it's a test against yourself, do you have the speed? the technique? balance? agility? discipline? Great stuff!
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Soldato
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split with the ex about 5 months ago after 8 years and 2 kids
it's crap at first but then you sorta get in to it - loving single life atm!!
I't did help that I have the house and the kids live with me
it's crap at first but then you sorta get in to it - loving single life atm!!
I't did help that I have the house and the kids live with me
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Sounds like just what I need! Im not that fit though so Im a bit concious of a roomfull of blackbelts laughing at me after I start panting after 5 minutes! But hey sounds like it will help me mentally AND get me fit = double win.
Good to know theres light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry to hear about your situation as well. Oh I forgot about that bit. The house is mine as well!
Now this is what I was on about - that this thread might help someone. Dude dont wait for it to get to the stage Im at. Go and be with your woman. Like I keep saying (wish I had realized this myself) your computer, gaming etc. is not goin anywhere - but if your woman will if she feels neglected. Im not saying stop - just strike a balance. But defo keep the weekends free to be with her. Dont...just DONT take her for granted mate becuase thats what I did.
Your being to hard on yourself. Do not take all the guilt for your break up. She has turned it round and put all the blame on you. If she really wanted things to work out she would be making the effort to try again and give things a chance to change but she is n't.
Have been through a divorce myself so know what you are going through and she is being totally unreasonable with her reasons for splitting up. What a cop out putting it all down as your fault!
Good luck with your future though , you will get over it however hard times feel to be right now.
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Thanks for that Drukk I hadnt looked at it from that angle until I read your reply...got me thinking for sure! But yea...she so does NOT want to save this...she is so gone already. Were still in the same house (and will be for a while) but mentally we are a 100 light-years away from each other. At least things are civil thank goodness. Couldnt have dealt with screeching and slamming doors on top of all the emotional pain...
I get courage when I hear that things will get better, when you are in depths of despair it seems like no one cares and youre all alone.
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@ Metalface Mark - dude Im so sorry to hear that, I cant even imagine what you must be going through. 5 years feels dreadful enough. I know how it feels man Im in the same boat now so like me you can use this great forum to get stuff of your chest. In the meantime - courage brother.
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Did I tell ya'll I bookmarked this thread? Its better than any of the breakup books Ive bought
How you getting on bud?
Ive been getting closer to my wife over the last week, we have dinner at my house tonight and out with the kids tomorrow after having a good lunch on Thursday, im a bit more hopeful now but not reading too much into it.
Yesterday morning she came to my house to collect the kids from school even after i texted her to say i would take them, i answered the door and she licked her finger and wiped a bit of toothpaste off the side of my face, it was really sweet. Anyway, see how the next few days go.
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unlucky mate, hope things turn out ok for you.
best i get the mrs some flowers and chocs more often
best i get the mrs some flowers and chocs more often
Reading that sort of made me realise, i do the exact same things that you did in order for your missus to part ways with you and my missus does get stressy about it sometimes.......... this has brung me to the realisation that i think im going to start showing my appreciation more, while im sorry it's too late for you, thank you for opening my eyes!
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This all over. Been divorced and I was blamed for everything. I took it all on the chin at the time because I wanted to keep my family. Looking back she had a lot to answer for. It only gets better