Let's hear some funny jokes!
- Thread starter Sniper123
- Start date
Soldato
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what has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
an elephant with diarrhoea
an elephant with diarrhoea
Soldato
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no, i've got some stupidly rude jokes which i cant tell here though, i'd get a suspension for sureSniper123 said:Lol, You didn't happen to buy a set of xmas crackers last year did you?
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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile??
Get in the Batmobile Robin!
(Stolen from G-MAN2004)
Get in the Batmobile Robin!
(Stolen from G-MAN2004)
Soldato
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lakebodom60 said:crap joke-Stolen from G-MAN2004
gah, i hate you
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bringerofdecay said:gah, i hate you
You love it !!
The fish tank one is good also.
...Q fishtank joke ...
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told this on here before ..
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists. He explains how the game works. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
The blonde figures there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, so she agrees. The lawyer asks, "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"
The blonde reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Then she asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer is puzzled. He uses his laptop to search for references. He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to his co-workers and friends. No luck. After an hour, he gives up.
He wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is going nuts trying to figure it out, wakes the blonde and asks,
"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
... the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists. He explains how the game works. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
The blonde figures there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, so she agrees. The lawyer asks, "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"
The blonde reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Then she asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer is puzzled. He uses his laptop to search for references. He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to his co-workers and friends. No luck. After an hour, he gives up.
He wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is going nuts trying to figure it out, wakes the blonde and asks,
"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
... the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
I got stung by a bee yesterday....20 quid for a pot of honey
Guys driving along in a van and gets stopped by the police for a random search. In the back of his van its full of penguins,
"Where did you get these from?!" asks the copper.
"Im not really sure I was drunk...." trails off the man
"Well you have to take these to the zoo straight away!"
"OK OK, will do"
The next day the man gets pulled over again, this time the penguins are all wearing sunglasses,
"I thought I told you to take these to the zoo!" yells the police man
"I did" replies the man "Now we're going to the beach"
Guys driving along in a van and gets stopped by the police for a random search. In the back of his van its full of penguins,
"Where did you get these from?!" asks the copper.
"Im not really sure I was drunk...." trails off the man
"Well you have to take these to the zoo straight away!"
"OK OK, will do"
The next day the man gets pulled over again, this time the penguins are all wearing sunglasses,
"I thought I told you to take these to the zoo!" yells the police man
"I did" replies the man "Now we're going to the beach"
Soldato
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Your spelling 
a man suspects his wife of cheating on him
he decides to catch her out one day and leaves work early
he sprints across the courtyard to the flats so as not to be seen,his heart pounding he reaches the lifts, they are out and he runs up the 10 flights of stairs heart pounding faster he bursts into the flat
his wife is lying naked on the bed he looks round the flat, glancing out the window he sees a half dressed man hurrying from the flats, he grabs the closest thing he can, the fridge, and hurls it out of the window and it hits the man, the effort is too much for him and he dies from a heart attack
he finds himself at the pearly gates, st peter is asking everyone how they died
the man in front of him says " i was running late for work when i was killed by a falling fridge" he is waved through, the man is aghast at killing an innocent man, when his turn comes he just says " i died from a heart attack", st peter says hell check the story and waves him in
the next man says " well i was sitting in a fridge"
he decides to catch her out one day and leaves work early
he sprints across the courtyard to the flats so as not to be seen,his heart pounding he reaches the lifts, they are out and he runs up the 10 flights of stairs heart pounding faster he bursts into the flat
his wife is lying naked on the bed he looks round the flat, glancing out the window he sees a half dressed man hurrying from the flats, he grabs the closest thing he can, the fridge, and hurls it out of the window and it hits the man, the effort is too much for him and he dies from a heart attack
he finds himself at the pearly gates, st peter is asking everyone how they died
the man in front of him says " i was running late for work when i was killed by a falling fridge" he is waved through, the man is aghast at killing an innocent man, when his turn comes he just says " i died from a heart attack", st peter says hell check the story and waves him in
the next man says " well i was sitting in a fridge"
Two brunettes and a blonde are due to face a fireing squad, the first brunette stands calmly as the officer yells "Ready!.......Aim.....", suddenly the brunette yells "FLOOD!!!" all the soldiers turn around in painic and the brunette scales the wall and runs. The second brunette is lead out, she too stands calmly as the officer yells "Ready!.....Aim....", the brunette suddenly screams "HURRICANE!!!", again the soldiers turn, panicing, and the brunette escapes. Finally the blonde is lead out, she also waits calmly as the officer yells "Ready!.....Aim...." sunddenly the blonde cries "FIRE!!!!!!"