Soldato
- Joined
- 23 Oct 2002
- Posts
- 2,562
- Location
- Edinburgh/Southampton
Oh dear, there will be a lot of crashes next year.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/formula_one/5151060.stm
THIS IS NOT A JOKE - ONLY THE BIT BELOW IS THE JOKE!
Additionally,the GM statement made several years ago has been used as the official FIA guidelines to decrease reliability and improve the spectacle!
1. Every time a new circuit is introduced to the Calendar, the ECU will have to be totally reprogrammed
2. Occasionally the F1 cars will just die on the track for no reason, and the mechanics will have to run onto the track to restart it. For some strange reason, the drivers are advised to just accept this and carry on.
3. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre will cause the car to stop and fail to restart and the ECU will suggest you re-install the engine. For some strange reason, FIA don’t permit engine changes.
4. The runners of two-seater F1 cars for publicity purposes are going to be charged for multi-user licences.
5. Apple are apparently developing an ECU that is powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, 5 seconds a lap faster, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the race tracks
6. Macintosh ECU teams will get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which will make their cars go much slower.
7. The oil, engine, fuel and pressure warning telemetry will be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" signal.
8. People will get really excited about the "new" features in Microsoft ECUs, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years when the teams were allowed to make their own ECUs.
9. Esso and Shell are to be advised the ECU will only function when the engine is running on Microsoft fuel.
10. Microsoft are developing new airbags that theoretically deploy fast enough for an F1 car, but the system will still say "Are you sure?" before going off.
11. The FIA soon won’t even allow the teams to build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers.
12. There will be an "ECU Pro", but it will make the car slower on most existing tracks.
13. Microsoft plan to replace pit-to-car radio with access to their toll-free support line, modelling their business on the insurance ads they saw on the F1 coverage.
14. If them teams install their own ECUs they may be called old fashioned, but will find themselves going much faster. The FIA plans to ban this.
15. For the back-runners who can’t afford new ECUs, then they could always borrow the top teams ECU code and burn it to a blank CDR.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/formula_one/5151060.stm
THIS IS NOT A JOKE - ONLY THE BIT BELOW IS THE JOKE!
Additionally,the GM statement made several years ago has been used as the official FIA guidelines to decrease reliability and improve the spectacle!
1. Every time a new circuit is introduced to the Calendar, the ECU will have to be totally reprogrammed
2. Occasionally the F1 cars will just die on the track for no reason, and the mechanics will have to run onto the track to restart it. For some strange reason, the drivers are advised to just accept this and carry on.
3. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre will cause the car to stop and fail to restart and the ECU will suggest you re-install the engine. For some strange reason, FIA don’t permit engine changes.
4. The runners of two-seater F1 cars for publicity purposes are going to be charged for multi-user licences.
5. Apple are apparently developing an ECU that is powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, 5 seconds a lap faster, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the race tracks
6. Macintosh ECU teams will get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which will make their cars go much slower.
7. The oil, engine, fuel and pressure warning telemetry will be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" signal.
8. People will get really excited about the "new" features in Microsoft ECUs, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years when the teams were allowed to make their own ECUs.
9. Esso and Shell are to be advised the ECU will only function when the engine is running on Microsoft fuel.
10. Microsoft are developing new airbags that theoretically deploy fast enough for an F1 car, but the system will still say "Are you sure?" before going off.
11. The FIA soon won’t even allow the teams to build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers.
12. There will be an "ECU Pro", but it will make the car slower on most existing tracks.
13. Microsoft plan to replace pit-to-car radio with access to their toll-free support line, modelling their business on the insurance ads they saw on the F1 coverage.
14. If them teams install their own ECUs they may be called old fashioned, but will find themselves going much faster. The FIA plans to ban this.
15. For the back-runners who can’t afford new ECUs, then they could always borrow the top teams ECU code and burn it to a blank CDR.
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