monday night joke

SourChipmunk · 15 Mar 2010 at 23:37

Reality|Bites said:
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elitetrick · 16 Mar 2010 at 00:04

laughed a bit at the OP. Laughed a lot more at this.

platypus said:
Wait, what? The guy has lost the sausage?

Oh LOL he's using his real penis. I laugh a bit.

Also i hadn't heard the frosties one before so that got a hearty laugh.

Well done everybody. Good hustle.

Drunkenmassacre · 16 Mar 2010 at 00:23

I do believe I have just fond the worst joke ever:

Sophie Ellis Baxter has been found dead in a french footballers appartment... Investigating officers say she was head butted to death.

Local papers say ... It was murder on Zidane's floor

Tonyator · 16 Mar 2010 at 02:00

What have Maddie McCann and David Beckham got in common?

They both won't be playing this summer.

Amp34 · 16 Mar 2010 at 02:08

Reality|Bites said:
He says, "Well, last night Fred came in my room for some Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

That got a genuine Lol from me.

Mana · 16 Mar 2010 at 02:12

i thought pat was a girl

yozzer2001 · 16 Mar 2010 at 06:41

archaeologists have discovered a book in dublin that been missing since the 1700s.its called irish dancing part 2.what to do with your arms.

sorry but stole from daily star

eddie_slovik · 16 Mar 2010 at 09:23

yozzer2001 said:
archaeologists have discovered a book in dublin that been missing since the 1700s.its called irish dancing part 2.what to do with your arms.

sorry but stole from daily star

Took a full ten seconds for that to sink in but I lolled

Grimley · 16 Mar 2010 at 09:27

I went to apply for a job in a Fruit Farm.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!
"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Ladas and I voted for Gordon Brown.

antijoke · 16 Mar 2010 at 09:30

I am disappoint.

'Wes · 16 Mar 2010 at 09:46

At first i was like...whaa? Then it clicked.

The Dread Pirate · 16 Mar 2010 at 11:37

What do you call a scouser in a suit?

The Defendant

Trifid · 16 Mar 2010 at 15:20

Arnold Schwarzenegger was interviewed and the reporter asked him why he didn't have the new windows 7 loaded on his computer?

His response

"I still love vista baby"

Runs to the hills.

SlugForAButt · 17 Mar 2010 at 22:44

Grimley said:
I went to apply for a job in a Fruit Farm.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!
"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Ladas and I voted for Gordon Brown.

Haha !

Tonyator · 18 Mar 2010 at 02:13

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

----------------------

My daughter asked me to make her a ballerina's skirt.

I didn't have a clue where to start but then I put tu and tu together.

[FnG]magnolia · 18 Mar 2010 at 02:23

Danm54 said:
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson,
And bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a night.
Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla says,
"Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer.
Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun.
So they went back to her place and got comfortable
After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.
Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good,
Let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex.
But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma Willie in your right hand".
Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says "Okay".
He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before.
Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful.
But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......."
"I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem Hun".
Cilla complies with the routine.
The results this time are absolutely mind blowing.
Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks
"Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand
And yer Willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?"
Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla,

But the last time I shlept with a scouser, The bitch stole ma wallet !"

The Bret Easton Ellis version in "American Psycho" is funnier and more confrontational.