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Proof Read My Cover Letter please

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Saberu, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. Raymond Lin

    Capo Crimine

    Joined: Oct 20, 2002

    Posts: 64,340

    Location: Wish i was in New York

    There are so many things wrong with it

    1 - Use "did not", instead of "didn't, same with can't and cannot.
    2 - Dear Employer = Yours Faithfully
    3 - Spelling mistakes


    And oh god

    :(
     
  2. -BA-

    Mobster

    Joined: Sep 4, 2005

    Posts: 2,793

    This is a covering letter not an interview by post. Saying you would welcome the opportunity to join the team is extremely presumptuous. I would recommend changing it to, "I would welcome the opportunity to discuss my skills further at interview for which I am available at your convenience."

    Also try writing a script that changes the colour of the font for the capital letter I and see how many times you have typed, "I can do this" "I am that". Again it can come over as a little arrogant. Try rewording some of the paragraphs to take some of the first person aspect out of the letter. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Perhaps you could reword the Indesign sentence to something along the lines of, "Whilst I do not have hands on experience of using Indesign, I have researched it's format (pick suitable phrase relevant to your industry here) in preparation for this application and find it's design to be very similar to that of Photoshop."

    It is always useful to help the employer by stating where and when you saw the advert too. It helps them target their vacancies in the future and will be noted.
     
  3. Saberu

    Mobster

    Joined: Feb 25, 2003

    Posts: 3,263

    Location: Stafford (uni)

    Oh dear it seems I should commit suicide, I must be awful. Or perhaps you guys are just incredibly judgemental.

    Either way if this is the level of perfection I need to have with grammar just to get my foot in the door then I'd rather work in a supermarket. I find it hard to believe the job market is that competitive that people dare not act casual or speak highly of themselves out of fear of looking arrogant.

    It's not like I'm trying to get a job as a journalist. I appreciate the constructive replies in this thread but some of you just sound like you have your head up your arse, god help me if the employer has a similar attitude.

    Sure I made a spelling error too but my skill is web design, not English language, and that's what the main job role is so I'm not going to worry about it. Besides it may as well have been a typo than a spelling error.
     
  4. -BA-

    Mobster

    Joined: Sep 4, 2005

    Posts: 2,793

    Oh and as has be partially pointed out:

    Dear Sir/Madam or Dear Employer = Yours faithfully

    Dear Mr Smith, Mrs Smith = Yours sincerely
     
  5. Nimzicki

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 18, 2002

    Posts: 2,630

    Location: London

    You asked for opinions, you got them. You are coming across as extremely arrogant and never underestimate the importance of a good command of the English language. This is the first thing they are going to see, it doesn't showcase your web design skills so they are going to make snap judgements based on what you have written. First impressions and all that...
     
  6. uber soldat

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 19, 2007

    Posts: 2,836

    Location: Delete *.*



    Oh dear.........Tesco's it is then :D
     
  7. rick827

    Hitman

    Joined: May 10, 2007

    Posts: 717

    Oh dear..

    1st thing that stood out to me (after the fact it was 2-3x too long) was your glaring announcement of your 'expert SEO skills', which you later describe as:

     
  8. a1ex2001

    Capodecina

    Joined: Mar 14, 2005

    Posts: 12,261

    Location: Here and There...

    You haven't spoken highly of yourself you've basically written a bragging letter saying I'm the greatest and I'm the best. The job market for good jobs is always tough and you need to stand out for the right reasons not produce the covering letter that gets handed round the office for people to laugh at.
     
  9. Saberu

    Mobster

    Joined: Feb 25, 2003

    Posts: 3,263

    Location: Stafford (uni)

    I was using that to qualify why my SEO on the example site wasn't as good as I can really acheive. Hopefully my SEO skills will make me stand out regardless of my poor grammar/ spelling. If not then it's their loss not mine.

    I know I'm more than good enough for this role, and I'm not going to care too much about not getting it. If anyone thinks that sounds arrogant, they can swivel.


    Sounds to me like British society seems to have evolved to a point where people are judged based on vain self-marketing skills as opposed to real skills, and this thread highlights that well.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2009
  10. Wiggins

    Mobster

    Joined: Sep 14, 2006

    Posts: 3,667

    Location: Dorset Apple Cake

    Oopsy daisy. :(
     
  11. Ekim

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 18, 2002

    Posts: 2,880

    Location: London

    I have a feeling that all you are concerned with is the spelling mistake. Why you didn't run it through a spell check is beyond me.

    The fact of the matter is the letter just what people expect for a cover letter, which in most cases should be quite a formal letter inviting them to review your CV and giving some back up as to why you would be a good fit for their organisation

    The big error for me is the Indesign comment.
     
  12. rick827

    Hitman

    Joined: May 10, 2007

    Posts: 717

    Well thats fine, but why bother applying? You either want it and make the relevant effort or don't bother applying. The people that read your CV are experts at weeding out 'cba' CV's and yours will be in it. It might sounds harsh but its the reality and has been for ages. It's one position for which maybe 200+ people will apply for, why do you deserve it?
     
  13. Mattus

    Capodecina

    Joined: Sep 30, 2003

    Posts: 10,899

    Location: London

    The colloquialism is a high risk strategy. If you're very lucky, it might turn out that the employer conducts his business in a similarly informal way and appreciates your down-to-earth attitude. But it's much more likely that he'll expect a job application to be written like job applications normally are - in a reasonably formal style.

    Nobody's expecting you to be so formal when you're actually on the job. But that's how job applications are written - even if you're working at Tesco, you have to write in an appropriate style or you look like a bit of a tit!
     
  14. uv

    Sgarrista

    Joined: May 16, 2006

    Posts: 8,434

    Location: Manchester

    You ask for your letter to be proof read, then cry when it is?
    Everyone in this thread has given you advice on how to create a covering letter, only for you to chuck a bucket of ingratitude over the floor.

    I'll wave when I see you stocking the shelves during my weekly shop.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2009
  15. Saberu

    Mobster

    Joined: Feb 25, 2003

    Posts: 3,263

    Location: Stafford (uni)

    [​IMG]

    Photoshop clone with templating functions, and other functions which make it a more powerful word processor than Photoshop. That is ALL it is, my description wasn't so wildly innacurate.

    I haven't actually used the software, but that picture and reading Wikipedia was more than enough to see what it's all about.
     
  16. Nimzicki

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 18, 2002

    Posts: 2,630

    Location: London

    What a dick. Next time don't ask for help if you don't want it, good luck in your job hunt.

    *Edit - ROFL the fact that you think you can grasp what a program is and what its for by reading wikipedia and looking at a template is quite frankly an insult. You are so utterly wrong about this its laughable.
     
  17. Saberu

    Mobster

    Joined: Feb 25, 2003

    Posts: 3,263

    Location: Stafford (uni)

    I think it's more likely that there will be around 20-30 people applying with perhaps a handful of those actually having the relevant skills and none of them having SEO skills.

    The job is with a recruitment agency so I imagine they will be more forgiving than most places as they deal with recruitment all the time so would be smart enough to look past the surface qualities of an applicant.

    I deserve it because I have the skills, if they turn me down for not being professional enough in my cover letter it's their loss. That's my philosophy and if it means I'll never get a decent job then I'll just stay self employed and make it my own way without being judged harshly on irrelevant points.

    as for uvmain's comment, I am grateful for the constructive criticism, my gripe was with the few people just telling me I'm arrogant in the letter which is IMO false and unsubstantiated, not to mention rude.
     
  18. Ekim

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 18, 2002

    Posts: 2,880

    Location: London

    Photoshop isn't a word processor.

    Indesign has more in common with Word than it does with Photoshop.

    The Photoshop interface looks like the Indesign interface because they come from the same suite of programs, apart from that they have very little in common.

    You really shouldn't have posted on here if you weren't welcome to criticism.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2009
  19. uv

    Sgarrista

    Joined: May 16, 2006

    Posts: 8,434

    Location: Manchester

    It has a similar GUI, as do all Adobe products.

    It's like saying MS Word and MS Excel do the same thing, as they have a similar GUI.

    The casual fashion of the covering letter, and the wording used gives an air of arrogance. I intend no offence, and I'm not saying you are arrogant - it's the way the covering letter has been written.

    For example: "I would be perfect for the role".
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2009
  20. Saberu

    Mobster

    Joined: Feb 25, 2003

    Posts: 3,263

    Location: Stafford (uni)

    If I'm so wrong would you care to explain exactly what makes Indesign different from how I described it? If you are going to make an accusation you should at least back it up with something more than opinion.