Rampant lies grown-ups told you.

GTA · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:15

Prompted to do this from the "Tooth Fairy" thread, where I remembered that my dad once told me that the tooth fairy needed teeth to do voodoo on me if I was naughty. What a guy

Anyhow, I got to thinking that in general, kids get lied to all the time, from little lies such as "If you pull that face, and the wind changes, you'll be stuck like that." ( Which, of course, every kid tried. I remember standing in my garden gurning and waiting for the wind to change direction. It did/didn't work, depending on who you ask. ) To massive lies, such as "I love you" ( roffleroffle. )

I have been told :

1. In France, the right of way laws for driving are the other way round. For example, when you want to pull out onto a main road, you just go right ahead, and the people already on the road have to stop for you. If they don't, then the accident is their fault and they get guillotined. - My dad, while we were on a Ferry on the way to France. I was about 8.

2. If you eat at McDonalds, then you're going to hell, because its an evil company. - Very strange one from a Sunday school teacher, I was about 4-5 at the time. She was quite young, so its possible she was a student, worked at McDonalds, and was taking the NO SWEARING!!!.

3. If you don't exercise, you'll have a heart attack. - My mum, I was about 6 or so. Now, although this isn't exactly a lie, the way she said it made me think that I was going to have a heart attack at 6. I got obsessed with taking my pulse, especially after I hadn't exercised for a bit, like in class. My teacher thought I might be autistic, and sent me to see the school nurse.

Your go.

Feek · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:18

This won't hurt - I think I was about five when I fell over and grazed my knee. My mum was about to put some antiseptic stuff onto my knee and told me the above blatent lie. I seem to remember that I had to scrape myself off the ceiling about half a nanosecond after she applied the cloth with the detol (or whatever it was) on my leg.

K.

Belmit · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:20

My dad - "When I was a lad we were so poor we had to eat ladybird sandwiches."

I think this deserves extra points for complete randomness.

[DOD]Asprilla · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:21

A swan can break your arm All time classic and I've yet to see the documented proof (although I'm not going close enough to disprove it though experimentation).

Dj_Jestar · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:21

When asking about the bruised parts of the bannana, at about 4 years of age, I was told "Don't worry, it's only Sugar".

Given a bottle of Lucozade after some stiches had been put in "That'll make you better"

This one is not a lie as such, but I had a, what was known as, "Basher" phone - the old Philips C12, when my Dad found out why this phone was so special, he hid it. The genious part is, he taped it to the back of my Sock Drawer (on the outside). You can't even begin to comprehend how much and how long I searched the whole house for. I found the phone 5 years later when clearing out.

GTA · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:23

[DOD]Asprilla said:
A swan can break your arm All time classic and I've yet to see the documented proof (although I'm not going close enough to disprove it though experimentation).

This is actually true. I used to live with a med student, and she came in all happy one night saying that that very day, she had bandaged up a kid who had had his collarbone broken by a swan hitting it with a wing.

crunchman · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:25

My uncle told me if I bank to much my palms will go hairy and I will go blind :confused:

GTA · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:28

Hahaha, I was just on the phone to my brother, and he swears that this is true.

In RE classes, at age 11, the teacher was asked "Why don't Jews eat pork?" Her response was "Because a pig attacked Moses once."

Quite literally, holy crap.

Von Smallhausen · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:29

I was told that if you didn't wash your ears and between your toes properly then cabbages would grow.

Also ' It's too cold to snow ', Come on man, in Siberia and Antarctica it's 40 degrees below and there is tonnes of the bloody stuff !

Stretch · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:29

crunchman said:
My uncle told me if I bank to much my palms will go hairy and I will go blind

How do you know thats not true

El Capitano · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:29

My uncle told me if I bank to much my palms will go hairy and I will go blind

So that's how Spiderman was able to climb walls!

Von Smallhausen · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:30

El Capitano said:
So that's how Spiderman was able to climb walls!

And also what is he flicking from his wrists that is sticky ??????????

GTA · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:31

Stretch said:
How do you know thats not true

He's a long standing member of Natwest, and he can see well enough to type

crunchman · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:31

Stretch said:
How do you know thats not true

well.....err...... I do*

*Trust me I do

Dj_Jestar · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:31

GTA said:
Hahaha, I was just on the phone to my brother, and he swears that this is true.

In RE classes, at age 11, the teacher was asked "Why don't Jews eat pork?" Her response was "Because a pig attacked Moses once."

Quite literally, holy crap.

Quoted for best comedy punch line ever on these forums.

Aliboy · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:36

If you tell me the truth I won't hit you
I soon found that one out to be a lie

Drinking beetroot juice dries up your blood into a giant scab
Depite drinking copious amounts of the 'red vinegar' my blood still flows quite freely

Bumble bees don't sting .... only wasps do
I tried showing my mates that one when I was a little un'.
Bumble bee sitting on flower, little boy grabs flower with bumble bee enclosed, little boy turns to mates (who were amazed at this) and say's, Bumble bees don't sting .... only wasps Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh

Von Smallhausen · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:39

Aliboy said:
Drinking beetroot juice dries up your blood into a giant scab
Depite drinking copious amounts of the 'red vinegar' my blood still flows quite freely

I conducted a valuable scientific experiment as a youngster and drank beetroot juice in the hope that I would micturate red.

It worked.

I peed as if I have taken kidney punches off Mike Tyson.

I didn't scab over though, although I have had no common sense since.

And why are you not in Glasgow Al, looking at ladies thighs in the car ?

Pebbles · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:40

I tell my kids if the Icecream man is playing music it means he's run out of icecream

I know, I know, I'm going straight to hell! :rolleyes:

Longbow · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:40

Eating carrots make you able to see in the dark - Another ploy to get children to eat vegetables.

Von Smallhausen · 26 Apr 2005 at 13:41

Pebbles said:
I tell my kids if the Icecream man is playing music it means he's run out of icecream

I know, I know, I'm going straight to hell!

You heartless wench !!!!!

* makes note of this for future use *

Rampant lies grown-ups told you.

Man of Honour