See! They do eat dogs!

[Supercow]

The point I'm making is that domestic dogs do not get that choice. A life of comfort in exchange for loss of sexual function. That is no less than an undeniable fact.

I'm prepared to let sleeping dogs lie.. ahem.
BUT - I still do not understand your fixation on a dog's testicles?
Is it supposed to by symbolic/metaphor?

The undeniable fact here is, my dog's danglies are well and truly in tact, he lives a better life "than nature intended" and is more than a convenient object to make me feel better about myself. He is like a furry brother - the only convenient thing about him is that I can shift blame for farts.

The bitter irony here is that I'm far from an animal lover

No irony there mate, its pretty obvious