Sexual Assault/Rape. What do?

Long term if this person does nothing and finds out in the future anything happened to the child they will regret it for the rest of their lives.

They hadn't spoken about it, seemingly for many years and this man having a child has made her speak up about it. I would read that as, "I don't WANT to talk to the police, I WANT to forget about it, but I NEED to tell someone so there is a better chance nothing will ever happen to the child as I wouldn't be able to forgive myself".

I'd also read it as, she wants some encouragement, and support. Speak with her, encourage her to tell someone about it, tell her you'll be her friend and support her no matter what happens and what she chooses to do, remind her she isn't doing anything wrong by speaking out, she isn't unfairly ruining the persons life or his families, but preventing that man's family, wife/child from going through something potentially horrific.

She clearly felt the need to tell you, and after this person has a child is significant, she is clearly worried what he might do, she very clearly wants to speak up but is scared. Support her but, ultimately if she doesn't talk to someone, social/police, herself..... then when the police speak to her she'll deny it and likely never talk about it again which would be the worst case situation for both her and the child who could be at risk.

There are likely phonelines YOU can phone as I'm sure a lot of people have been in similar situations, as in someone tells them something like this and they are unsure of who to speak to and how to proceed. A helpline of some sort could likely give you info about who your friend can speak to, what might happen and how to get through it.
 
No to da po-po from mo.

yo.

She should really be talking to a professional counsellor rather than (with respect) the OP, it's too easy to try and 'fix' the issue rather than letting it all come out at her pace.


This thread lacks rage, I guess everyone is reading this on an iPad rather than using a keyboard of death.
 
[TW]Fox;21510492 said:
It is important that the police are notified BUT it's equally important that it is HER who notifies the police.
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This every time.

In a nice way also make a point that you respect their wises and will support them in any decision they make, but you have to think of the children living with this person now. Could they live with themselves if something happened to a little one.
 
Moses said:
EL OH EL

---

I understand what people are saying about respecting her wishes, and I agree that the first approach should be to try and get her to go forward.

However, if that failed, I'd have to just man up and go forward myself, regardless of the **** storm it'd create. He's definitely (apparently) done two abhorrent things... who's to say it hasn't happened more times? Who's to say it won't happen again? I couldn't have that on my conscience.
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dont forget people make stuff up... may just be a story... only a crazy rapes his sister..

any if its not made up he is obviously crazy so you are gonna get yourself killed... well after he has bummed you silly...
 
Moses said:
However, if that failed, I'd have to just man up and go forward myself, regardless of the **** storm it'd create. He's definitely (apparently) done two abhorrent things... who's to say it hasn't happened more times? Who's to say it won't happen again? I couldn't have that on my conscience.
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This isn't always a good idea.

I know someone who said their dad raped them, a few days later they were in a mental hospital. They could have ruined their dads life. You shouldn't act on everything that people tell you. She needs to go to the police herself.
 
yhack said:
This isn't always a good idea.

I know someone who said their dad raped them, a few days later they were in a mental hospital. They could have ruined their dads life. You shouldn't act on everything that people tell you. She needs to go to the police herself.
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Going into a mental hospital doesn't mean what they said was incorrect.

Mental illness isn't linked to inability to tell the truth, its quite possible they were flat out lying, or they imagined it, or whatever, its also quite possible they were telling the truth and it was being unable to deal with it that sent them "crazy".
 
My other half is a Socialworker and she says:


It appears that the person who this has happened to is now an adult or an age where they are able to make the decision themselves as to whether or not the police should be involved in investigating what has happened to them in the past.

In terms of the protection of the young child now then this is more a social services issue rather than a police issue if there is no current evidence of anything happening to this child.

Sign of the times as with any public service that cuts to service provision for child protection mean that social services are less likely to dive in head first and more likely to work with family and ensure protection of that child through those means, unless of course there is evidence that the child needs protecting.

So my advice would be to offer support to your friend and encourage them to speak to social services if they are concerned for the young child, as it appears as this is possibly the main reason they have informed you of their past now.
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Haggisman said:
And how would you feel when you found out this guy's kid was sexually abused by him? :rolleyes:

Much as it would be great to be able to respect your friend's wishes by keeping it to yourself, they've pretty much forced your hand by telling you.

I'm not saying go behind their back - by all means sit down and talk to them and tell them what you're going to do, but I can't see that you have a choice about reporting it.
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Exactly, by choosing to share the information it's now no longer just about her - you have been indirectly involved & it's up-to you to decide on how to act.

While I can understand the need to be sensitive it's hardly the point - it's the future risk to others.

Personally, I think this sickness in society is far more common than most of us would like to admit - I know MULTIPLE people who have been in the same situation described by the OP & according to some statistics at least 25% of girls are subjected to some form of abuse.

While my natural instinct is one of anger/retribution at those doing these horrendous acts it does nothing to protect future generations of children from being victims - we need to understand the underline causes of this behaviour to stop it BEFORE it happens.

Revenge or justice are both meaningless, as in both cases it's already too late.
 
yhack said:
This isn't always a good idea.

I know someone who said their dad raped them, a few days later they were in a mental hospital. They could have ruined their dads life. You shouldn't act on everything that people tell you. She needs to go to the police herself.
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You do know abuse is one of the key factors in triggering a mental breakdown, specifically in young women?.
 
drunkenmaster said:
Going into a mental hospital doesn't mean what they said was incorrect.

Mental illness isn't linked to inability to tell the truth, its quite possible they were flat out lying, or they imagined it, or whatever, its also quite possible they were telling the truth and it was being unable to deal with it that sent them "crazy".
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I agree with that, but she had imagined it. She was also convinced that my mate was trying to kill his best friend, amongst other things. In this case it wasn't true and was made up. That's why it should be between the police and the girl involved, just in case it isn't true and ruins a man's life.
 
Nitefly said:
On the balance of things, the person who is in the best boat to judge the situation is your friend - they will know the parties involves and is better able to judge the danger of those concerned
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I have to respectfully strongly disagree here - a victim is the last person who is able to judge the situation rationally & logically - they should not be expected to be able to make the step, they have already told somebody else.
 
Moses said:
Who's to say it won't happen again? I couldn't have that on my conscience.
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Moses said:
But Ahleckz strikes me as someone who is a reasonable judge of character/isn't a fool/etc!
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It wouldn't be on my conscience because it wouldn't be something that I would hold that much responsibility over. How could I if I didn't personally know the parties involved and had only seen it from one narrow angle?

I'm sure Ahleckz is a good judge of character, but the better judge of character is his friend and the onus of the responsibility is on them. Ahleckz only has to ensure he offers the support that might be required in order to come to a correct decision.
 
As others have said make sure this accusation is actually true before and if you want to get involved. There are crazies on both sides, those that will abuse and those that make false accusations. I've come across a few women that have made stuff like this up but equally I have come across those that it's genuinely happened to.

It's an extremely serious allegation. Be sure first.
 
elmarko1234 said:
I have to respectfully strongly disagree here - a victim is the last person who is able to judge the situation rationally & logically - they should not be expected to be able to make the step, they have already told somebody else.
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I like how you respectfully disagree :D

What you are saying is absolutely right, but surely there is some organisation that offers support for this kind of thing that might be best able to assess the situation or offer decent advice.

To refine my point, the sole responsibility doesn't completely rely with the A's friend, but it certainly little responsibility on Ahleckz above and beyond the support I have mentioned.
 
EyepodI said:
As others have said make sure this accusation is actually true before and if you want to get involved. There are crazies on both sides, those that will abuse and those that make false accusations. I've come across a few women that have made stuff like this up but equally I have come across those that it's genuinely happened to.

It's an extremely serious allegation. Be sure first.
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first sniff of crazy walk away... next you will be posting you were murdered by the crazy guy, or accused of rape by the crazy girl... if she wants help she can go to the police...

I tried to help a crazy (well i did not realise she was crazy) it jsut got me accused of harasing her and a visit from the police (and no there was no misunderstanding, she called me, she wanted me to go to her to chat about her problems etc)
 
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