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So I need some help with this statement please (really bad enlish).

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by apatia77, 26 May 2006.

  1. apatia77

    Mobster

    Joined: 25 Mar 2005

    Posts: 4,814

    Hello everybody,
    I need some help with my poor english.

    Basically I need to write to Direct Line what happened about 10 months ago. (Even though I told them what happened just after the accident had occurred).

    Your help will be to make sense from what I wrote here :) (correct all the mistakes).

    Please and thank you for any help.


    It’s a short story.


    I was driving along the middle lane King Street in Hammersmith towards Hammersmith Broadway. I stopped my car just before the zebra crossing when the red light lit. However the bus driving next to my right side of the car kept driving and then left rear side of the bus hit my car causing damage to my cars front wheel, mirror and some body damage. At the time of the accident my car was static. The accident occurred 07/09/2005 at about 1p.m.


    Well what I can tell you more is that that time there was really a lot of traffic and all cars were moving really slowly. And I’m not saying that the bus drove when there was red light, it could have been still yellow, but I stopped my car anyway (you know how people drive when there a lot of traffic around).

    I did call police that time as well, didn’t know what to do with my car in the middle of a very busy road, as it was not drivable that time.



    I know this has a lot of grammar mistakes that’s why I need your help to make sense of it.

    Here is a diagram I quickly just made.

    [​IMG]


    So if you kindly rewrite it so it make sense please.
    Thank you for all the help.
     
  2. Cybermyk

    Soldato

    Joined: 31 May 2005

    Posts: 6,847

    Location: Peoples Republik of Teesside

    How about

    I was driving in the middle lane of King Street in Hammersmith towards Hammersmith Broadway. I stopped my car at the zebra crossing when the traffic lights began to change. However the bus driving in the lane to my right kept going. The bus then entered into my lane and it's rear nearside hit the front offside of my car. My car sustained damage to the front offside wheel, mirror and bodywork. I called the police as my car was in the middle of a very busy road and it was not drivable.

    At the time of the incident my car was static.

    The accident occurred 07/09/2005 at around 1p.m.
     
  3. Raumarik

    Capodecina

    Joined: 14 Jul 2003

    Posts: 13,823

    kudos to Cybermyk!

    very clearly written :D
     
  4. apatia77

    Mobster

    Joined: 25 Mar 2005

    Posts: 4,814

    sweet :D,
    a very big thank you, :)
     
  5. Six6siX

    Mobster

    Joined: 25 Nov 2004

    Posts: 4,787

    Location: Hertfordshire


    Above looks fine to me.

    If I was being picky I'd say it has a lot of short sentences lol.

    I'd probably stay "stationary" rather than static though

    /pedantic :)
     
  6. dirtydog

    PermaBanned

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 47,396

    Location: Essex

    If we're being pedantic and this is a thread about good English then it should be its rear nearside, not it's rear nearside.
     
  7. Hamish

    Mobster

    Joined: 14 Apr 2003

    Posts: 4,951

    Location: Deepest Yorkshire

    Wouldn't it be the nearside?