Social anxiety/phobia/shyness

I used to get it a bit until i realised the reason I was getting it was I was taking the bad people too seriously and allowing them to hurt me to the point I could not face meeting new people. Now I take things with a pinch of salt and if people are dicks I tell them outright and/or just walk away. Now ive got a good circle of close friends i can trust things are all dandy and good.
 
Tom0 said:
Same. Some months I'm quite the social butterfly, others I just want people to FOAD.

Only way I find to combat any anxiety is to step out of that comfort zone and try enjoy myself.
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+1 , I knew I should have said hello at the last RR :p and you're a farmer aswell IIRC!
 
not that I'm one for pseudo science positive thinking, NLP or self help books in general etc.. but this one might well be worth a shot:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Self-confidence-Remarkable-Truth-Change-Difference/dp/1906465827

Especially since its only £6

I've personally gone through periods where I've been very confident to periods where its all been shattered.

Flying back to the UK on R&R in the middle of a tour in Iraq I was feeling very confident - was in good shape, had a bit of a tan, all my mates had gone onto do fairly mundane graduate jobs etc.. pulled some very nice girls during the time I was home - was probably a high point in terms of confidence for me.

Low point was leaving my job at a brokerage in the city, signing on (for national insurance contributions/recording the fact I was unemployed for a few weeks - gap on CV etc..) and being treated like dirt by the complete jobsworths at the job centre...
 
I think a lot of social anxiety is cause by over analysing social interactions. Of course that is not every single case, but i have met people who have social anxiety and i believe they were over analysing the social interactions. Before and afterwards.

But there is more to it than that, sometimes people just have no interest in other people. My biggest problem with meeting new people is that i never want to hear about other people's life. I like to talk about specific topics and learn something from someone in a conversation. I don't realy care what they did two years ago etc. But i have started to ask people questions about themselves, like at work etc. It still kind of bores me but i do it anyway because i know that if i keep doing it then i might get used to that sort of conversation. Then when i meet a girl it will come naturally. But i could just be making excuses.
 
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this is (thankfully) something i've never suffered from though i do find myself quite often not wanting to talk to anyone, though this is usually do to me being a bit of a miserable sod now and then but 9/10 i do like social interaction and am very rarely phased by it, well, apart from one girl who i''ve liked for years but wont approach through fear of rejection
 
Heres my advice.

1 ) Go out with your mates a lot and have general interaction with people who you feel comfortable with.

2 ) If you have any confident friends try and watch them and mirror what they do.

3 ) You need to bring your confidence up. Think what impress's you or you respect. For example having a good job , a good body or being good at a certain activity. Then set a realistic target and when you reach that target you will have something to feel confident about which you can think to your self your the bees knees.
 
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groen said:
I think a lot of social anxiety is cause by over analysing social interactions. Of course that is not every single case, but i have met people who have social anxiety and i believe they were over analysing the social interactions. Before and afterwards.

But there is more to it than that, sometimes people just have no interest in other people. My biggest problem with meeting new people is that i never want to hear about other people's life. I like to talk about specific topics and learn something from someone in a conversation. I don't realy care what they did two years ago etc. But i have started to ask people questions about themselves, like at work etc. It still kind of bores me but i do it anyway because i know that if i keep doing it then i might get used to that sort of conversation. Then when i meet a girl it will come naturally. But i could just be making excuses.
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I'd agree with all of that. I wouldn't say I'm socially anxious (when in a totally new place I'm fine meeting new people, but when I'm with people I know I find it more difficult) but I do think I over analyse a lot of situations which makes me far less relaxed about things, be it "that girl smiled at me, what does it mean?!" to "I said something silly and now he must think i'm an idiot"...:p

Overanalysis is a bit pain and also quite difficult to overcome I think.

I'm the same with general chit chat (see the thread I started last night), I'm not that interested in most peoples lives which makes small talk a bit boring, but if you don't practice, at least a bit, you're going to have even more trouble when you actually want to talk to someone. That means I try and make a concious effort to go out and chat with new people, just to get better at it..
 
I suffered from SA for a couple of years which worsened 'til I couldn't leave the house... I didn't even feel comfortable around my friends. I was never great socially around people I didn't know but I smoked weed heavily for years and started finding the anxiety & paranoia unbearable (not saying this is a problem for most people). Then I decided to change pretty much everything in my life, moved out of my flat and into a houseshare in London, started a uni course, made friends, gained a social life and pretty much got over it within a couple of months.

The worst thing you can do is stop going out and stop socializing, it's really easy to forget how to communicate with people and what Groen said about over-analysing is spot on. I still find myself doing it but I can get over it now instead of shutting myself away for days - except for when I've had an embarrassingly drunken night

I'm the most moronic drunk ever :D
 
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