So.... I've been with my wife for 11 years at at the time we met her daughter was 6. Her dad left when she was 3 and had saw her a hand full of times in those 3 years but stopped before I met them. Since then hes made 0 contact, 0 birthday cards or christmas etc just no contact in the slightest. Fast forward 3 years after being together her dads new partner starts working at my place (forgot to add they moved 50miles away when she was 4, and then moved back just before his partner started at my place) I found out who she was through general conversation while training her. I didn't tell her I was the step dad but over the few weeks of training she ripped into me and my wife for how horrible we are for not letting the dad see our daughter, at this point she still had no idea who I was. Eventually my wife came into work to meet me with our daughter and then she finally realised who I was. She constantly apologised and said its "only what I've been told" After a few months of this she decided to try and make it up by offering to take our daughter our and buy her stuff etc strangely enough her and my daughter have alot of stuff in common so we eventually allowed her to take her out with our supervision. This went on for a while until our daughter was 15 and she wanted to go on her own as she loves the comicon and anime conventions she was taken too. So 5 years and still no contact attempt from the dad even though his partner is now taking her out a few times a year and getting christmas/birthday presents etc for her. They have become good friends and strangely enough so have her and my wife. For what its worth my wife fell out with him when my daughter was 3 because he used to beat her silly, put her in hospital several times and ended up in prison because of it. Even after all this she never stopped her from seeing him until he finally gave up himself. Now our daughter is 18 in September and all of a sudden he thinks it's time to see her. 12 years of 0 contact even though his partner had put in alot of work hes never even signed his own name in a card or sent her a message. Am I wrong in being extremely annoyed at the fact that she is contemplating seeing him? We dont always see eye to eye but I love her as much as I do my 2 biological girls. She has never called me dad but then I wouldn't expect it as I dont call my own step parents that either. Any advice? As everything I have said to her or my wife is just falling on deaf ears because "I dont understand" What I do understand is that I love her like my own child and I've been part of her life for 3x the length he has but apparently that's not enough to hold any value in the decision. Dont think I've ever felt so annoyed over anything before. Any advice?