The better half and gaming
- Thread starter jas72
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Associate
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There's been a few posts and views in expressed in here about 'trading-off' and the balancing of time. I agree with most of those views that express the sentiment that their relationships are all about “striking a healthy balance”. It’s not bargaining to see who has the bigger pair of trousers. It’s the kind of bargaining that most people have to go through in their lives every day to ensure the happiness of both parties in a joint endeavour.
There's no right or wrong for any given couple. As a general rule successful relationships combine two partners who have a hearty respect for each other and those who embrace the fact that their partner requires a certain amount of time by themselves to unwind/relax and carry out any reasonable and 'healthy' (flashing for example, is not healthy) activity for their own well being.
I worry for those who are lambasted for “ignoring” their partner provided the cries of complaint aren’t driven by a genuine reaction to someone with a glaring gaming addiction issue to the detriment of being a responsible adult in their given situation.
Unfounded complaints of “you’re ignoring me”, “you’re more interested in the gaming world than me” etc. are often forged on a deeper individual uncertainty or associated with a constant need for company, reassurance or guidance. I feel that left untamed an attitude like that itself can become the bigger issue in a relationship.
I think those who suffer this dissention might also want to look at other aspects of their relationship, not just the gaming as there’s normally a pattern of underlying insecurity or attention issues with the person concerned. It’s probably a control thing, something I’ve been on the receiving end of myself. Other half doesn’t like you going out once in a while getting a tad squiffy with your friends? S/he might have an issue with the gaming too, and so on.
Personally I have a very understanding girlfriend when it comes to gaming. Guild Wars 2 has a large amount of my attention at the moment but I sill do everything I did before that came along. I cook for us, I mow the lawn, drive her everywhere she needs to go…all the standard NATO issued stuff a bloke does in a relationship before the game came along but I sill manage to get my ‘fix’ squeezed in, even if I shave a little bit of time off other things to do so. She understands this and sees that it actually makes me happy. A happy me normally = a happy girlfriend. That also works the other way around!
She also likes to spend time doing things on her laptop and watching the trash on TV that I’d rather spork my own eye out than watch, and that's fine by me, of course!
That said, on the odd occasion I’ve had a bit of a marathon i.e. more than say a 1 hour stint without crossing paths at least once in the house she’ll pop up to the spare room for a cuddle and a kiss; just as I like to pop down to do the same every now and then to her.
It seems to work for us. Perhaps I’m lucky.
There's no right or wrong for any given couple. As a general rule successful relationships combine two partners who have a hearty respect for each other and those who embrace the fact that their partner requires a certain amount of time by themselves to unwind/relax and carry out any reasonable and 'healthy' (flashing for example, is not healthy) activity for their own well being.
I worry for those who are lambasted for “ignoring” their partner provided the cries of complaint aren’t driven by a genuine reaction to someone with a glaring gaming addiction issue to the detriment of being a responsible adult in their given situation.
Unfounded complaints of “you’re ignoring me”, “you’re more interested in the gaming world than me” etc. are often forged on a deeper individual uncertainty or associated with a constant need for company, reassurance or guidance. I feel that left untamed an attitude like that itself can become the bigger issue in a relationship.
I think those who suffer this dissention might also want to look at other aspects of their relationship, not just the gaming as there’s normally a pattern of underlying insecurity or attention issues with the person concerned. It’s probably a control thing, something I’ve been on the receiving end of myself. Other half doesn’t like you going out once in a while getting a tad squiffy with your friends? S/he might have an issue with the gaming too, and so on.
Personally I have a very understanding girlfriend when it comes to gaming. Guild Wars 2 has a large amount of my attention at the moment but I sill do everything I did before that came along. I cook for us, I mow the lawn, drive her everywhere she needs to go…all the standard NATO issued stuff a bloke does in a relationship before the game came along but I sill manage to get my ‘fix’ squeezed in, even if I shave a little bit of time off other things to do so. She understands this and sees that it actually makes me happy. A happy me normally = a happy girlfriend. That also works the other way around!
She also likes to spend time doing things on her laptop and watching the trash on TV that I’d rather spork my own eye out than watch, and that's fine by me, of course!
That said, on the odd occasion I’ve had a bit of a marathon i.e. more than say a 1 hour stint without crossing paths at least once in the house she’ll pop up to the spare room for a cuddle and a kiss; just as I like to pop down to do the same every now and then to her.
It seems to work for us. Perhaps I’m lucky.
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We so rarely get to use the PC at present that it doesn't matter, sometimes I play for an hour whilst she's watching something on TV. I occasionally get an extended play on Friday nights (the last few weekends we've been away though). I'm just at that stage of life where I don't get much gaming time at all!
Even though I don't have another half I should really put more effort into gaming less but it has become a habit like it did in the past. Losing my job hasn't helped as after I've finished job searching/training or interviews I usually just game as if I don't do anything it drives me mad. Through the day my friends are at work and I like to exercise at night. I still socialise often but I have questioned whether it is getting in the way of the "real world".
Getting a girlfriend has really helped me with my socialising.
She understands the drawbacks of having a geeky boyfriend, but I do a lot less gaming and a lot more going out with friends and stuff now.
Usually play 4-6 hours a week, but it depends on whether I can be bothered at times, it's a relatively fluid thing in my household. Mostly on nights where there's nothing on TV or pre-arranged with mates/she's out with her friends. Usually game 10pm onwards, say couple of nights a week, more if I get the chance 
If it was up to me i'd game more, but I do realise it can be a tad boring for her if I did. I'm also a bugger for these things and know I have a tendency of spending more time than is 'fair', so to speak. As echo'ed by others, she's understanding enough if there's a new game out or such.
If it was up to me i'd game more, but I do realise it can be a tad boring for her if I did. I'm also a bugger for these things and know I have a tendency of spending more time than is 'fair', so to speak. As echo'ed by others, she's understanding enough if there's a new game out or such.
Yeah I was with a girl for 2 years and I didn't game at all, in fact I didn't even have a PC at the time. Like I said I do still socialise but ideally I'd like to find something else to occupy my time whilst I look for a job.
Soldato
- Joined
- 12 May 2011
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- Southampton
My situation is an interesting one. My girlfriend lives in Finland, and works 5am-2pm. She is 2h ahead. I finish work at 4pm ish, so we skype for a couple of hours. If she is watching TV and we're not talking all that much (we internet text during the day) then I play a game windowed sometimes. Something like JC2 that doesnt require much attention. When she goes to sleep I then game until midnight or so.
When I was living with her in Finland, I could game from 5-2, if I was awake (once housework has been done). I don't speak the lingo so shopping is about my limit for communicating with other people, so no work for 8 weeks.
She doesnt really like gaming, and doesnt like me gaming, and I didn't do it at the weekend. She has accepted that when she moves in with me I will end up having a man room with my desktop and guitar etc, as she has big, purple, plans for the bedroom.
When I was living with her in Finland, I could game from 5-2, if I was awake (once housework has been done). I don't speak the lingo so shopping is about my limit for communicating with other people, so no work for 8 weeks.
She doesnt really like gaming, and doesnt like me gaming, and I didn't do it at the weekend. She has accepted that when she moves in with me I will end up having a man room with my desktop and guitar etc, as she has big, purple, plans for the bedroom.
Soldato
- Joined
- 4 Mar 2010
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- 5,038
Perfect!
Used to be no problem - she was just as much of a gamer as me. Our first encounters consisted of games of Tetris Attack and Diablo 2 co-op in between bouts of passion 
We also had our own PC's so I could play Quake while she played The Sims, etc.
Then we had a baby.
Don't think she's touched a game since he came along. I'm limited to single player games I can just turn off quickly if he wakes up cranky from a nap or something
We also had our own PC's so I could play Quake while she played The Sims, etc.Then we had a baby.
Don't think she's touched a game since he came along. I'm limited to single player games I can just turn off quickly if he wakes up cranky from a nap or something