The big children debate

fez

fez

Soldato
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Thats exactly my thoughts on the matter, why is it a one way street we are the crazy ones and will change one day apparently, and yet every parent seems to spend their lives complaining about how they don't have lives anymore, why would I want that?

Because in my experience a lot of parents have a massive superiority complex and blind spot when it comes to their children. The world is a massive and interesting place and I would much rather travel and have the freedom to live my life however I like.
 
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i wouldnt worry too much, i never wanted children but then one day my now wife (then fiance) found out she was pregnant.

its was the biggest and best 'accident/surprise' of my life and now i have 2 i wouldnt be without them, its nothing to do with understanding or not being mature its a feeling you never get until you have your kids... the birth of both of them is the only time i have ever cried in happyness.

im now 28 and i still dislike most children but i love my own to bits and when you have your own you soon realise children are fine in most cases the problems with the little ***** is that the parents either dont care, dont put the effort in or are utter ***** themselves.

the thing you find far too often these days is the parent(s) are more interested in social media or there own lives to care about their spawn... one of the things that is always guarenteed to make me hate someone is when a parent is walking along reading their phone while their child runs riot around a shop.
 
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Why is it me that lacks empathy, I have told these people multiple times about my choice and they still go on, where is their empathy for me or does it only work one way?

Your 'choice' doesn't preclude you from understanding that they are enthusiastic about their families. It's hardly that unusual to not want kids, you're perhaps not quite as trailblazing as you seem to imagine. I don't for one moment think that everyone should have kids, but you come across as embittered and a touch unpleasant (on the matter).
 
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Well for what it is worth, I did not want kids. I am now the father of a 6 month old boy who came very easily to us as we were not planning it. I now wonder how I got by at my age without a son and my life just seemed empty looking back on it. I was still just living the life of someone younger than me not really having much responsibility and doing the usual circle of working all week and going out all weekend. The fact that I am a Dad still scares the hell out of me but every day I look forwards to getting home from work like I never did before. Can't wait till they are a bit older and I can take them to the football etc.
 
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I'm pretty ambivalent towards it. My ex didn't want them so the topic rarely came up.

I do, however, avoid Facebook most of the time because it is just full of people's kids doing mundane stuff.
 
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To be honest, the main thing that's always put me off children is having a natural aversion to people being emotionally dependant on me.

Not a trait I'm that proud of, but it seems to be how I'm built.
 
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I've recently started swaying towards the not wanting kids side of the fence, after being totally indifferent to the idea for all of my adult life.

This puts pressure on my relationship though. :(
 
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Your 'choice' doesn't preclude you from understanding that they are enthusiastic about their families. It's hardly that unusual to not want kids, you're perhaps not quite as trailblazing as you seem to imagine. I don't for one moment think that everyone should have kids, but you come across as embittered and a touch unpleasant (on the matter).

Im enthusiastic about not having children, about enjoying my freedom playing golf and going to the pub with mates, I'm enthusiastic about my job, the lexus on my drive and being able to make my mortgage repayments.

I dont constantly pester people about when they are going to get jobs and start paying into the system rather than taking out, I dont moan about why some of my taxes are going towards feeding clothing and paying for their choices in life, I just dont like how parents as fez described it have some sort of superiority because theyve managed to achieve something that even the most basic and unintelligent species have managed to accomplish for thousands or years.

Bitter and twisted? Maybe I am but its only due to the arrogance and self-righteousness of most (although I will grant you not all) of the parents I meet these days
 
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Im enthusiastic about not having children, about enjoying my freedom playing golf and going to the pub with mates, I'm enthusiastic about my job, the lexus on my drive and being able to make my mortgage repayments.

I dont constantly pester people about when they are going to get jobs and start paying into the system rather than taking out, I dont moan about why some of my taxes are going towards feeding clothing and paying for their choices in life, I just dont like how parents as fez described it have some sort of superiority because theyve managed to achieve something that even the most basic and unintelligent species have managed to accomplish for thousands or years.

Bitter and twisted? Maybe I am but its only due to the arrogance and self-righteousness of most (although I will grant you not all) of the parents I meet these days

Congratulations on the Lexus.

Thanks also for paying for my kids, I think the tax man has failed to stop making exorbitant demands of me now I've dropped some sprogs, I must let him know.

You seem massively in need of lightening up and perhaps not being quite so judgemental.
 
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Each to their own really. Some people love children, some don't. When you have them though, by their very nature, your life revolves around them. This is certainly the case when they are small anyway. This is bound to impact your personality and change the way you behave. I can see how some pople might find this annoying, especially for those without children, who find it hard to relate to the experience. People with children can become bores, but no more than anyone else who's life revolves around one thing. Some of the most boring experiences in my life have been spent around people that love football (I don't). It's exactlly the same experience.
 
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Im enthusiastic about not having children, about enjoying my freedom playing golf and going to the pub with mates, I'm enthusiastic about my job, the lexus on my drive

Ohh golf, pub visits and a Lexus. Swoon.

Whilst not everybody chooses to breed I have to say those things you listed are pretty empty compared to the joys (and heartbreak) of parenthood.
 
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Ohh golf, pub visits and a Lexus. Swoon.

Whilst not everybody chooses to breed I have to say those things you listed are pretty empty compared to the joys (and heartbreak) of parenthood.

It's all subjective though. Some people live very happy lives, even if many other people would consider them to be empty by their own standards.

Does that matter? Why should I care what other people think of my life, all that matters is what I think of my life.
 
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Ohh golf, pub visits and a Lexus. Swoon.

Whilst not everybody chooses to breed I have to say those things you listed are pretty empty compared to the joys (and heartbreak) of parenthood.

Depends on your perspective. A job you enjoy fulfils the human requirement (IMO) of a sense of purpose. There's also a lot to be said for being able to enjoy a stress-free existence. Seeing the world and broadening your horizons is also immensely satisfying. Each to their own.

Having spent a lot of time around my nieces and nephews from when they were babies right up to now (nigh-on teenagers), I know for sure that I couldn't handle it so have a lot of respect for those who go through it out of choice! I just get annoyed at the condescending remarks from people who insist that I will change my mind. :)
 
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I just dont like how parents as fez described it have some sort of superiority because theyve managed to achieve something that even the most basic and unintelligent species have managed to accomplish for thousands or years.

I don't think, or rather hope I'm not one of those parents with a superiority issue as you described but that shouldn't mean I can't either talk about my daughter or be proud of her. Perhaps you're simply more sensitive to it for some reason?

My best mate (who's also on there forums) doesn't want kids but gets on well with my daughter and doesn't mind me talking about her, I envy his decision not to have kids, to still live on his own and be in compete control over his life and finances. He's just a few days older than me, but I wouldn't swap places in a million years as I adore my daughter and want to have another child in the coming years.

I also work with a woman who's in her early 40s and has no interest in having kids, she doesn't mind others talking about them but sort of zones out when we do. That's absolutely fine - I'd rather people were clear about how they feel than simply keep it bottled up, we are all adults after all!
 
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It's all subjective though. Some people live very happy lives, even if many other people would consider them to be empty by their own standards.

Does that matter? Why should I care what other people think of my life, all that matters is what I think of my life.

I'm a father and you shouldn't care what other people think. Lead you life how you think is best. There is nothing wrong with people not having children, some people choose to take their lives in different directions. The only people I sometimes have a problem with are those that have children without thought or becuase they feel they should, even when they don't want to. Most of the time it all works out okay, especially once the spoglet is born. But some people don't give a toss about their kids and just see them as an inconvenience.
 
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I guess you have children?

I don't have children and i think your crazy.

I'm 26 and the woman is 28. Just buying a house at the moment and no-doubt in a few years we'll have a child.
Don't get me wrong, i'm **** scared and a little worried i'll suck at being a father and hate the idea of lack of sleep, money and free time. But even i can see through that already and know that i do want kids at some point.

Give it time. You may change, you may not. Either way, we're not going to change your mind.
 
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Why is it me that lacks empathy, I have told these people multiple times about my choice and they still go on, where is their empathy for me or does it only work one way?



Ive had a few long term relationships over the years and I will not budge on this stance

Had a few just clearly not the one ;) maybe you won't budge but it will be interesting if/when you meet the woman you can't be with out but she won't be with you unless kids are on the agenda.
 
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Ohh golf, pub visits and a Lexus. Swoon.

Whilst not everybody chooses to breed I have to say those things you listed are pretty empty compared to the joys (and heartbreak) of parenthood.

Again one would presume you have kids? I would love to say I'd think about you next time im chilling on a beach in egypt being passed drinks by a lovely dark skinned female who'd do anything for a passport, but I probably wont :D

On a more serious note it is each to their own, I'll be mortgage free by about 45 able to do whatever takes my fancy, I suspect you'll be paying for university fees
 
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