Sounds like she is showing you who is boss, you didn't speak to her for a day so she's not speaking for 3 to prove a point and let you know she has the power to make you suffer
Get rid tbh
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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Sounds like she is showing you who is boss, you didn't speak to her for a day so she's not speaking for 3 to prove a point and let you know she has the power to make you suffer
Get rid tbh
Soldato
Were both equally weird and ****ed up with our own issues thats whyim 22, shes 19...its complicated tbh
It's not complicated, you're not both messed up, you're just young. When you grow up you will see this. In the meantime, sack her off, try maybe a more mature woman?
This. When I was young and naive I would have accepted this behaviour from a girl but now I am older and wiser I would just walk away and tell her why.
Soldato
*Gives Free Hugs to all in order to spread the Love... and the cold currently being suffered*
Soldato
Appreciated 
Feeling positive this week, I hope I can maintain this
Feeling positive this week, I hope I can maintain this
![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Caporegime
Were both equally weird and ****ed up with our own issues thats why
It's not complicated, you're just young and lacking reference points just like everyone else is or was at that age.
Appreciated
Feeling positive this week, I hope I can maintain this
Good stuff
At this present moment I'm fighting the depressive thoughts. Think I'm going to lose
Hard to keep hey out of my thoughts
Hurricane over Texas so I'm stuck in my hotel room
Soldato
Sorry to hear that - women in general are hard to figure! I know my wife was/is.
Struggling to type it all again, but here goes.
Wife goes to a Hen Night about 2 months ago, loses her v. expensive watch. (Talking £500ish here) Poo happens though, I console her, and immediately set about finding the same model, harder than it sounds and took me 2 months scouring the net for the same model watch, which was discontinued. Found it eventually, and surprised her with it last Friday for her big birthday bash. That all went well.
Anyways, today's her actual birthday, last night she went to bed at 10.30, and we've agreed (cringe, but hey, married life is give and take) that I only game on Tuesday/Thursday nights. So I did until about 11.45, although to be fair I did say ill be in bed in 30 minutes or so. At 12.15am our little one year old (we have 3 kids) wakes up (normal for her) so I see to her.
5.30, same again...but for some reason she seems to settle down quicker with me, plus the wife has a bad habit of not being able to get to sleep at that time, im lucky in that respect. (She doesnt work, I do). I thought i'll make the effort seeing as its her birthday today. (We normally take a night each though I find myself doing the majority of the 3-5am wake-ups)
Anyway, since she got her present, I just got the 2 older kids to make up some nice cards for her the day before, box of choccies, a kitsh mug and a card from me in the morning. (large bunch of flowers delivered in the afternoon too) Can see she's in a mood quite rapidly, uncomfortable air in the house.
To which I start getting whatsapps about not not making efforts, not knowing what she wants, im all too predictable. To which I took offence to, mentioned what had been said (by her) about not wanting any more presents after her watch (but we know women don't necessarily mean what they say), and that must be some sort of effort!
Deeply hurt that she thinks this, when all I do in life is geared around her and our kids, and I do so happily. Part of me is raging at the accusation of not making an effort, and part of me is annoyed how, after agreeing many years ago about gaming nights, how it's still thrown in my face, not for the first time.
Straw broke when her parents popped in with her present a little while ago, and we're all about to leave for a nice meal down the beach.
"So you still think youre coming down too?" To which another argument ensures, I end up at home. Great. Accusations of me pretending to give a toss, etc.
Really wish I could shift this burning feeling in my chest over this. It's the 3rd or 4th time this year i've "done" something which ends up blowing up in my face, yet when I sit down and think, I really cant see the how her reaction can be so severe.
Apologies for the rantyness of this post. Stream of consciousness moment...
Wife goes to a Hen Night about 2 months ago, loses her v. expensive watch. (Talking £500ish here) Poo happens though, I console her, and immediately set about finding the same model, harder than it sounds and took me 2 months scouring the net for the same model watch, which was discontinued. Found it eventually, and surprised her with it last Friday for her big birthday bash. That all went well.
Anyways, today's her actual birthday, last night she went to bed at 10.30, and we've agreed (cringe, but hey, married life is give and take) that I only game on Tuesday/Thursday nights. So I did until about 11.45, although to be fair I did say ill be in bed in 30 minutes or so. At 12.15am our little one year old (we have 3 kids) wakes up (normal for her) so I see to her.
5.30, same again...but for some reason she seems to settle down quicker with me, plus the wife has a bad habit of not being able to get to sleep at that time, im lucky in that respect. (She doesnt work, I do). I thought i'll make the effort seeing as its her birthday today. (We normally take a night each though I find myself doing the majority of the 3-5am wake-ups)
Anyway, since she got her present, I just got the 2 older kids to make up some nice cards for her the day before, box of choccies, a kitsh mug and a card from me in the morning. (large bunch of flowers delivered in the afternoon too) Can see she's in a mood quite rapidly, uncomfortable air in the house.
To which I start getting whatsapps about not not making efforts, not knowing what she wants, im all too predictable. To which I took offence to, mentioned what had been said (by her) about not wanting any more presents after her watch (but we know women don't necessarily mean what they say), and that must be some sort of effort!
Deeply hurt that she thinks this, when all I do in life is geared around her and our kids, and I do so happily. Part of me is raging at the accusation of not making an effort, and part of me is annoyed how, after agreeing many years ago about gaming nights, how it's still thrown in my face, not for the first time.
Straw broke when her parents popped in with her present a little while ago, and we're all about to leave for a nice meal down the beach.
"So you still think youre coming down too?" To which another argument ensures, I end up at home. Great. Accusations of me pretending to give a toss, etc.
Really wish I could shift this burning feeling in my chest over this. It's the 3rd or 4th time this year i've "done" something which ends up blowing up in my face, yet when I sit down and think, I really cant see the how her reaction can be so severe.
Apologies for the rantyness of this post. Stream of consciousness moment...
Soldato
Sounds like you're getting a rotten deal, I think all of us who are in or have been in a lengthy relationship have been in a similar situation where by you can seem to do no right for doing wrong and you can never win.
I gave my partner and kids everything I could, but ultimately it just wasn't enough in the end and the temptation to have an affair with a guy who was pressuring her got the better of her it would seem. I guess the annoying thing for me was, the reasons for not doing enough where because of things from her side. Things like we dont spend enough time on evenings once the kids are in bed, well thats pretty damn hard when you fire up the laptop and continue to do un-paid work most evenings whilst i am suppose to sit there and play the spare part until you're done at which point she would go to bed. I dont spend enough time with her and the kids at their friends events like parties and christenings, but the last 10 or so have always fallen on weekends where I am on-call and can't drink or venture too far from base or I lose my job. The list goes on ...
I gave my partner and kids everything I could, but ultimately it just wasn't enough in the end and the temptation to have an affair with a guy who was pressuring her got the better of her it would seem. I guess the annoying thing for me was, the reasons for not doing enough where because of things from her side. Things like we dont spend enough time on evenings once the kids are in bed, well thats pretty damn hard when you fire up the laptop and continue to do un-paid work most evenings whilst i am suppose to sit there and play the spare part until you're done at which point she would go to bed. I dont spend enough time with her and the kids at their friends events like parties and christenings, but the last 10 or so have always fallen on weekends where I am on-call and can't drink or venture too far from base or I lose my job. The list goes on ...
There must be a company that does extreme weather watching tours.
Get out there and find one!
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We do spend almost every evening together watching TV usually, or going out on weekends with kids, go to bed together 4/5 nights a week reading/"etc". It's not a time together thing, or a quality of time together thing either I'd wager. It's (according to her)
1. I dont make an effort (Good job with decent hours, help out 50/50 once im home, weekends are free, make sure there's enough money, no financial worries at all, plenty of holidays and days out, decent car, good family relationships on both sides, house mostly paid off, make sure I let her know how much I love her, appreciate what she does with the kids, etc could go on for ages)
2. Im obsessed with the Xbox. Really? 2 nights a week, at 10pm onwards, or later if there's a program we watch together. Hell I had to fight hard just to get those 2 nights in (feel awful just typing that out) yet it's thrown in my face a-la "I prefer gaming to her". No love, I dont, but that doesnt mean I will drop something I like doing which doesnt harm anyone...
We've been together 15 years, married 8 with 3 kids (1, 5 and 8). My life revolves around them, but it's like that does not matter or is even true to her during an argument.
I just cant get over how she can be so resentful of my gaming when we agreed the gaming terms. Sigh, she's awesome, beautiful and clever, but I feel like im trying to discuss/argue with the worlds cleverest 12 year old at times. So much changing of tack, subject changes, accusations, such as "oh, its always about you"...
Leaves me feeling like I never get my point across. 4th time this year (different catalysts a couple of times) that ive felt as if the fallout from a minor issue or disagreement turns into an almighty argument where I am soley to blame, and cannot get a word in.
You have to call her on it. Calmly tell her that you're feeling pretty damn unappreciated. Tell her what you've written above. Tell her that you spending a couple of nights at home doing your hobby is a damn sight better than most blokes who are down the pub with their mates doing who knows what.
Tell her that you love her and the kids and all the things you feel you do for them, so for her to argue that you do nothing is upsetting and makes you wonder why you bother. Tell her that instead of supporting you, that she's tearing you down even when you're doing your best, and your best is pretty damn good. She's so wrapped up in herself and what she wants/thinks, she's not hearing back what you are trying to say, and not taking into account what you might need from her.
Tell her that you feel she's picking arguments and fights, when all you do is about making her and the kids happy. Ask her why she's unhappy and what you can both do together to make it better.
Make sure you keep calm and reasonable, don't let her escalate it into a row where she can blame you for everything. If she tries, call her on it, and tell her she's trying to turn it into a row so she can blame you for everything and not address her own behaviour towards you.
If you really feel that you can't get though that conversation without it turning into an argument, then write it down in a letter and give it to her to read.
You need to communicate everything you posted above to her in a calm manner, because posting on a forum isn't going to get things resolved, and the only way she's going to know how much she's upsetting you is for you to tell her.
Cheers Steampunk. I know that's exactly what I should do (edit - have done eventually in the past), and I will. What I need to deal with is my nerves during a confrontation. I end up stammering and not putting my point across. Will try though as she's worth it, and this disagreement is not.
#Manhugs dude. Will report back tomorrow morning I guess.
#Manhugs dude. Will report back tomorrow morning I guess.
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Associate
Good luck Witor
Hope you get it sorted.
I got told I was boring etc at the very end of mine. But at that point she had mentally left me
Is she being very cold about it?
I failed today completely.
Still same crap going through my head, making it hard to do things. Then when I do hard to enjoy them
3 weeks to no contact time, I'm not really enjoying the holiday to be honest. I'm really trying to. Just struggling with actually being happy
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