The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Soldato
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Literally the only reason I would ask an ex to meet up and catch up is if I wanted to sleep with them or get back with them, or both. I think that would apply to most men as well.
Soldato
All women are indeed mental!
So still feeling just as broken
My attempt at a pof profile just to see what is like isnt helping
Can't as yet get my thoughts out of negative/loss/self blame/no hope
I'm giving it until I do the temp house share. If my thoughts don't pick up then I'm going for pills
My attempt at a pof profile just to see what is like isnt helping
Can't as yet get my thoughts out of negative/loss/self blame/no hope
I'm giving it until I do the temp house share. If my thoughts don't pick up then I'm going for pills
Yeah 'most' like you say, so he could be an exception like my first ex was
My first ex asked to meet up 3 months after we split. He wanted to apologise face to face, not sleep with me or get back together. It was his way of relieving the guilt so he could properly move on.Yeah 'most' like you say, so he could be an exception like my first ex was
"He hasn't asked for anything from me other than to meet and catch up. I have no intention of getting back with him, and he probably doesn't even want to either. He's probably just curious and feeling a bit lonely (in terms of friendships, not in the bedroom..) as he doesn't have many friends. In a way I kinda feel sorry for him."
I completely understand what you're trying to say though and I appreciate your advice. I know I'll only have myself to blame if I let anything happen between us."
Doesn't sound like you have entirely no intention of letting anything happen, seeing as you're a) willing to meet up with him, and b) already making excuses for if anything were to happen.
People on here are only going to tell you not to meet up with him for obvious reasons, but I think you probably still like him deep down so there's probably not much point in asking for advice on here, just go do what you want to do
So a couple of months ago you didn't want to go on a second date with a guy, because you thought he was too good for you, never really getting the chance to know him properly. Now you're potentially going to meet up with an ex who repeatedly cancelled on you multiple times over the course of a few months. I'm not quite so sure I see the logic behind that.
Maybe your ex has changed, maybe he does just want to have a casual meet up, but as he's male, the chances of him just wanting that are slim. What if he cancels it and says something came up, yet again? Are you just going to let it slide again.
Maybe your ex has changed, maybe he does just want to have a casual meet up, but as he's male, the chances of him just wanting that are slim. What if he cancels it and says something came up, yet again? Are you just going to let it slide again.
Soldato
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It's not that strange, she's still attracted to her ex and wasn't attracted to the guy she went out with. Sort of like you'd let a lot of things slide with a girl if she was stunning and filthy in bed
Soldato
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Depends. If she constantly disrespects me then you can't let it slide. From what I remember, he was being a huge dick to her, repeatedly cancelling on plans minutes before the meeting time (i think would would already be there iirc) and generally ignoring her. You can't let everything slide just cause you're attracted to the person. Dignity comes first.
Although yes, I do understand the logic, although that doesn't mean I agree with it.
So to give you guys an update... (I'm giving an update anyway, even if you don't want one 
)
I met up with the ex last night and we just chatted like normal friends. Talked about work, family, friends, what's new/happened in the last year etc. It was all fine up until we were about to leave - I gave him a hug goodbye (like I do with most friends) and he acted a bit awkwardly like he didn't know what to do. I said "why are you looking so awkward?" as a joke, which I now feel bad for saying because I probably made him feel even more awkward/embarrassed. He said speak to you later and I said bye. Not heard from him since.
I feel fine after meeting him and I think the attraction is no longer there anymore.. Probably because of his new beard.
)I met up with the ex last night and we just chatted like normal friends. Talked about work, family, friends, what's new/happened in the last year etc. It was all fine up until we were about to leave - I gave him a hug goodbye (like I do with most friends) and he acted a bit awkwardly like he didn't know what to do. I said "why are you looking so awkward?" as a joke, which I now feel bad for saying because I probably made him feel even more awkward/embarrassed. He said speak to you later and I said bye. Not heard from him since.
I feel fine after meeting him and I think the attraction is no longer there anymore.. Probably because of his new beard.
Soldato
I feel fine after meeting him and I think the attraction is no longer there anymore.. Probably because of his new beard.
Don't sound too sure...
It's like a cliffhanger at the end of a soap episode!!! Next time on Mischiefious Dilemas...
Soldato
If you're feeling that down online dating isn't the answer - in response to you mentioning PoF. Can be very soul destroying if you get no interest.
I had a terrible time back in Feb and was put on Metezaprine - an anti depressant which also helps with sleep because I wasn't sleeping. When I went to the GP he said it would take time and there was nothing that could flick a switch and make everything alright. I haven't taken the Met for about a week now as a test, my mood is fine and sleeping seems OK too.
I started the gym in the same week I was given the drugs. I have children at home and always fed them but didn't really bother eating myself. Just a little step of making a meal for myself made me think I could get through it. At one point just stepping outside and going food shopping I couldn't face. So, one food shop later, another little tick off the box. You know things are bad when something that most people don't even think about - like a food shop - seems like too much effort.
Go get some help, go get some drugs but make those little steps. Think of something you wouldn't have thought twice about doing before but now seems like climbing a mountain and just go do it. Something small and easy. A walk round the block, go buy yourself something nice to eat - something that you have to cook properly not microwave! Give yourself that little sense of achievement.
You will manage - just take little steps.
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Soldato
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well its good that you've come to that conclusion. I did the same. take some time to really concentrate on you. i personally think you have some stuff to deal with so get that straight and right and it will hopefully and more than likely make all of your life better as a whole. this takes time. its not going to happen over night.
with this as well. don't do on line dating. don't date. you need to sort your self out and you can't do that while with some one else as it will ' cramp ' your style and essentially slow down if not stop you're recovery. of course thats my opinion but its one coming from experience and currently in processing as it were
To all above posts...
I've come to the conclusion I'm just mentally broken. Always have been. Annoying as I coped during my relationship I didn't get help, and therefore self sabotaged it.
I was broken before the relationship, it helped me(avoided the root) and now I've gone all way back.
It's genetically in me, and takes different forms in all my immediate family.
One thing I have come to realise I only care for the instant or the final.
Game, driving, work meeting, all instant distraction.
Final is goal. - it was my relationship as in my mind only thing more final was death.
TThus relationship was my goal not work.
Now I know no relationship can be final (as in I thought mine was, it wasnt) the only final thing is the end.
I can't make myself (I want to) see intermediate things as important
Career, friends, kids (in that they leave), even sports you often give up.
And now I consider relationships intermediate.
These are all things I've never really cared about unless they facilitated the permanent.
Career allowed me to look after my ex, for example
In my mind (I don't want it to be) the only permanent is the inevitable.
I could probably quote the above to a doctor/therapist
Way I see it, only hope I have is to break the above. And I'm well aware I've never ever been able to trick myself into doing this
And you're right, if my view on relationships has changed, it's not really something I will want.
I would challenge a counsellor.. Is there any way to change my fundamental outlook on life, because I damn sure can't seem to trick myself into it.
Looks like I've moved on from my relationship (carry regrets, and big ones), but the real problem, is much worse
With all this said the one thing I want to do is be happy, I will do all I can, but I can't just trick myself into it.
If it works I'm not going to not do it. If it's drugs, that's fine, I'd rather be artificially happy than miserable unaided
(if I was neo in the matrix I'd choose to go back in, but I'd have to not know I was in)
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