It's a decision i've been contemplating for a while now and is getting more and more likely by the week. I've found out today that she's volunteered at a charity shop that her Mum also volunteers at
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
It's a decision i've been contemplating for a while now and is getting more and more likely by the week. I've found out today that she's volunteered at a charity shop that her Mum also volunteers at
Most if not all of the online dates I do go on end up the same, the women tell me I'm much better looking in real life. I know this, I just really, really struggle with pictures.
That's the reason why internet dating is so popular. People can use photos to hide their imperfections. The big girls taking photos from an angle to hide their triple chin and stomach. Then enable some filter like Beauty Face to remove their bad skin complexion.
The clever guys are wising up to this now and only pay attention to profiles which have recent full body photos. Not photos from 5 years ago.
Man of Honour
Indeed but as Ayahuasca said there's still plenty of people who will fall for it and in turn it builds massive egos.
To be honest it's a problem fed from social media as a whole and the ability to give the impression life is always great and exciting, but that's a whole other discussion!
Soldato
- Joined
- 19 Jan 2006
- Posts
- 4,531
I have a feeling I'm a bit of a Chad, with the right photographs I'd do even better as I'm one of those guys who's told I look better in person and I'm far from a poser for photos.
Caporegime
Post a photo and pit yourself against our resident chad Tefal 
Soldato
- Joined
- 19 Jan 2006
- Posts
- 4,531
I can't really whilst at work, and I don't really use the forums outside of office hours - priorities 
Tbh I don't think I could handle being single again and definitely couldn't go back to online dating. It seems to be turning a considerable portion of my generation into sociopaths.
Not knocking it though, it's helping a lot of people find love these days which is damn awesome. Just wish there weren't so many oddly perverse behaviours encouraged within it.
Not knocking it though, it's helping a lot of people find love these days which is damn awesome. Just wish there weren't so many oddly perverse behaviours encouraged within it.
Soldato
sounds about right. we spend our youth trying to be friends with everyone, moving into over populated areas, and then the older we get actually realise human beings are annoying and do our very best to move as far away from everyone else as possible!
Amazing really.
In response to your issue Raider, I can't say I agree with anyone here telling you what you should be doing while knowing very little about the nuances of your relationship...
I think with any issue anyone has in a relationship, you have to ask yourself the simplest of questions before doing or saying anything rash. Obviously your situation is a little more complicated, so those questions become even more pertinent. You obviously care about her else you wouldn't have been supporting her for as long as you have. That's a damn important thing to acknowledge!
I'm an anxiety sufferer myself and it can often be truly crippling. Thankfully not to the point where I've had to give up work, but there's certainly been times where it's adversely effected my relationships and there misunderstanding of it/my inability to efficiently express how I feel has even ended some of them.
I think at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if you really care. If not, then perhaps you really do have to try and put yourself first. If you do then it's your business to do right by her and try an assist her any way you can, up to and ABSOLUTELY including therapy of some sort. Regardless of what some on here seem to think, not every woman is a manipulative bitch.
I think with any issue anyone has in a relationship, you have to ask yourself the simplest of questions before doing or saying anything rash. Obviously your situation is a little more complicated, so those questions become even more pertinent. You obviously care about her else you wouldn't have been supporting her for as long as you have. That's a damn important thing to acknowledge!
I'm an anxiety sufferer myself and it can often be truly crippling. Thankfully not to the point where I've had to give up work, but there's certainly been times where it's adversely effected my relationships and there misunderstanding of it/my inability to efficiently express how I feel has even ended some of them.
I think at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if you really care. If not, then perhaps you really do have to try and put yourself first. If you do then it's your business to do right by her and try an assist her any way you can, up to and ABSOLUTELY including therapy of some sort. Regardless of what some on here seem to think, not every woman is a manipulative bitch.
Online dating is the scurge of the earth.
Even those who are Chad (boys and girls) dont have it easy.
If you ride on looks you can end up either waiting forever for mr/Mrs perfect as you are after best you can get.. And that might be the next guy. Candy shop curse!
If all you have is looks and you are looking for something meaningful you only put off disappointment.
As long as you aren't ugly as sin and have some personality I am 100pc convinced the human connection you can build with acquaintances is a better way to go.
Every date I had on pof the girl was either boring, crazy (bad), had very misleading pics or was after kids or a fling.
Some people (especially girls) probably get addicted to serial dating. Free dinners too! And others turn to it due to lack. Of social skills/too boring in real life.
Only times I know of its worked myself is from people who have only been on a week or so.
Join clubs! It's likely that people you meet there will be at least more on your wavelength!
I would hate to be born now with how social media is controlling people
Even those who are Chad (boys and girls) dont have it easy.
If you ride on looks you can end up either waiting forever for mr/Mrs perfect as you are after best you can get.. And that might be the next guy. Candy shop curse!
If all you have is looks and you are looking for something meaningful you only put off disappointment.
As long as you aren't ugly as sin and have some personality I am 100pc convinced the human connection you can build with acquaintances is a better way to go.
Every date I had on pof the girl was either boring, crazy (bad), had very misleading pics or was after kids or a fling.
Some people (especially girls) probably get addicted to serial dating. Free dinners too! And others turn to it due to lack. Of social skills/too boring in real life.
Only times I know of its worked myself is from people who have only been on a week or so.
Join clubs! It's likely that people you meet there will be at least more on your wavelength!
I would hate to be born now with how social media is controlling people
I do care about her and she seen a doctor about a year ago about her anxiety and he gave her meds and asked her to come in for regular checkups, she hasn't really shown any signs of the depression for a long time now but she still uses it as her reason for not returning to work yet she is fine with working as an unpaid volunteer in a charity shop. I understand how bad depression can be as i've had several family members suffer and sometimes it feels like she just uses it as an excuse.
Online dating also requires time. During the week I get home from work, do a bit of housework, cook, clean post cooking, watch something on plex, go to the gym then bed. At weekends I'm almost always out with friends or at trackdays - I just don't have the time to sit and have the same conversation with a different girl online or sat swiping etc. Heck, I barely play computer games anymore.
Then there's dating. The last one I went on was about 4 weeks ago and the girl was amazing, borderline uncorn zone, I swear if it ever got to 2nd or 3rd date I'd be checking for a penis. We spent 5 hours together, 5 hours! I'm normally bored after 1. It was a fantastic night, ended up chatting after I got home, we arranged to meet again then two days later I go the whole 'sorry I can't do this, bye' text message. £62 for the meal and drinks, plus fuel to Bristol and back and getting in at midnight and having to get up at 6 the next morning. I earn well but it still annoys me.
Since then I've not really bothered, just going to concentrate on hobbies and friends.
Then there's dating. The last one I went on was about 4 weeks ago and the girl was amazing, borderline uncorn zone, I swear if it ever got to 2nd or 3rd date I'd be checking for a penis. We spent 5 hours together, 5 hours! I'm normally bored after 1. It was a fantastic night, ended up chatting after I got home, we arranged to meet again then two days later I go the whole 'sorry I can't do this, bye' text message. £62 for the meal and drinks, plus fuel to Bristol and back and getting in at midnight and having to get up at 6 the next morning. I earn well but it still annoys me.
Since then I've not really bothered, just going to concentrate on hobbies and friends.
Man of Honour
The fact she's quite happy to work for nothing but shies away from getting a paying job and contributing I'd say speaks volumes.
I can understand her anxiety will make her warey of moving as she'll be comfortable where she is and if she's anything like me the thought of that change of place and people will scare the **** out of her, but you can bet if she had to get a proper job because you were no longer propping her up she'd find a way around it.
I can understand her anxiety will make her warey of moving as she'll be comfortable where she is and if she's anything like me the thought of that change of place and people will scare the **** out of her, but you can bet if she had to get a proper job because you were no longer propping her up she'd find a way around it.
Tbf, every girlfriend I've had over the last 4-5 years has been from PoF and only one out of 3 of them (discounting my current lady friend) has been truly twisted. I think so long as you don't just go by looks and actually try to engage them in good conversation then you've a real chance of making something work. It's these perverse weirdos that lie about themselves every chance they get that make the whole thing so abhorrent to me now.
What killed the Internet thing for me was after 4 dates and no issues (I even went with her to help pick a car) then just vanished.
1 date, fine, 4 dates at least have respect to say why.
There was no hint of crazy from that one.
As you said, costs a good wack to rinse and repeat that. For a girl it's no real loss except time.
I know a girl who goes on dates and second dates with absolutely no intention of anyt more. Like it's nothing to lead guy's on.
If I become single again I will not be doing it again lol
Man of Honour
To be fair I don't think things like that are purely down to online dating, while it makes it easier to disappear and rinse and repeat the dating cycle it's just as likely they could do the same if you'd first met them in real life.
Caporegime
Learn to not pay for everything on dates as well, should go half on pretty much anything and if they flake or mention it then they can go gold dig elsewhere.
Is a good idea. If someone turns you down because they expect you to pay them not really sure person worth pursuing.