The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Soldato
Too beta for me, I wouldn't call her hotstuff, she needs a negative.
And Rossi you had a lucky escape, better 7 years now than 7 years after marriage.
Hopefully you can sort it out have things not been smooth recently
You never know, you never know. Going to be hard going if you didn't see it coming. No doubt she's been thinking about it for a while.
Only good thing is, better now than later with marriage. But none of that will make you feel better.
Sorry to hear it, this thread is good for venting. Hope you have a good support network and hobbies outside the relationship
Nothing happened as such just got in from work and I ask how her day has been and if she's ok and she says no I need to talk, I don't think I can go through with the wedding.
No kids in the mix luckily.
Yeh it's been a tough night. Went to stay at my mum's for the night.
I don't know. She said she just feels like we're friends and as marriage has been a while off she hadn't been excited for it an she thought she would be more excited by now.
Possibly yeh.
I'm finding it hard to see positives atm. My last breakup really messed me up emotionally and took me a long time to get over. This is a much longer relationship where no one has done anything wrong she just doesn't feel the same way about me anymore it seems. I kinda respect her for having the ball to tell me as I know how hard that will have been.
Things have been fine really. This is why I'm so stunned. I didn't really know what to say/do/think last night so just grabbed some clothes for work and went for a drive and then to my mum's.
I think that is what I'm going to hear the most really that it is better now than later.
It's not only the relationship that's hit me hard now but it's also the realisation that will need to tell nearly 50 guests that we aren't getting married and their flights and accommodation which is already booked Is no longer needed.
It's funny as the same thing happened to one of my best mates last year. Albeit they split due to her cheating but same situation, people due to go abroad for their wedding and I always thought god I'm glad Im not in that situation. Funny how things happen.
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Was worth mine 7 years ish too. Really messed me up.
Makes you wonder if relationships are really a good thing. How many people seem miserable/not happy and married. And how many end. Very very few people I know in very long term relationships who seem genuinely happy.
Makes you wonder if relationships are really a good thing. How many people seem miserable/not happy and married. And how many end. Very very few people I know in very long term relationships who seem genuinely happy.
That's a crazy comment. Best thing is to not have them. And may because a relationship is long doesn't mean kids
Yeh I think this is me done now with anything relationship wise if she genuinely does want us to end. I can't put myself through the emotional investment again, I really can't.
Will go home after work tonight, have a talk with her and then will know 100% what were doing. Last night was a bit of a blur I didn't know what to say or do.
Will go home after work tonight, have a talk with her and then will know 100% what were doing. Last night was a bit of a blur I didn't know what to say or do.
My friend who got married last year believes they are happy but their marriage is poisonous and puts up with the physical and emotional abuse from his wife. Some people you have to accept they have no hope when they ignore the red flags (he met her on POF).
All the best for you R.O.S.S.I and hope you get through this break up ok.
Yeah make sure you take the time to do things for yourself, treat yourself to a few things you've always wanted but might have had trouble justifying to the gf!
After a while it'll feel like someone's taken the shackles off. It sounds like it'd be tempting to try and stay friends given there's no real animosity but down that road lies madness. I'd avoid it unless you honestly think you can cope with her meeting someone new.
Chin up, old chap!
After a while it'll feel like someone's taken the shackles off. It sounds like it'd be tempting to try and stay friends given there's no real animosity but down that road lies madness. I'd avoid it unless you honestly think you can cope with her meeting someone new.
Chin up, old chap!
Need to sit down with her figure out exactly what she wants to happen as at the moment we own a house between us. Have 2 holidays booked together (inc our own wedding) and a few other things. I don't particularly want to sell the house and should be able to afford to live in it on my own if need be but need to find out where I stand as we didn't really talk about anything last night.
She'll be off work today so I'm going to finish work early and go home to speak to her.
She'll be off work today so I'm going to finish work early and go home to speak to her.
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Sorry to hear this Rossi, no breakup is easy especially one after so many years together. Just be thankful it was pre marriage and no kids involved.
Don't know what you're going on about with not bothering with a new relationship though, get through the breakup and then live your life. If you meet someone then great, I wouldn't rule out any future relationship after one failed on. But that's long down the line, you need to adjust to being single and be happy with you are before you make any decisions. It's been over 2 years for me and I'm only just getting there, but some people react differently.
I would however try and sit down and talk with her about it and work out what's going on and if anything can be done.
Don't know what you're going on about with not bothering with a new relationship though, get through the breakup and then live your life. If you meet someone then great, I wouldn't rule out any future relationship after one failed on. But that's long down the line, you need to adjust to being single and be happy with you are before you make any decisions. It's been over 2 years for me and I'm only just getting there, but some people react differently.
I would however try and sit down and talk with her about it and work out what's going on and if anything can be done.
Maybe take one holiday each. Holidays are at least a good distraction. I had a holiday booked and I went on it. Even though was a bit miserable it was a new environment.
Personally I would not want to live in the house, but I was thankfully only renting.
What I wouldn't do is go on holiday together due to money. Unless you really can patch it up. But doesn't sound like it?
If it really does all end just take some self time. No doubt been many compromises. Took me 5 months I think to get myself into a better position than I was in the relationship. Time to try new things!
Yeh hopefully should have some clarity on the situation later this afternoon.
I definitely do want to live in the house, i've spent a lot of blood, sweat and tears when we were doing it up and I don't want to let it go. The holidays are a tricky one as they are both holidays for weddings (our friends wedding and our own).
Soldato
Hope you get things sorted R.O.S.S.I
If you still love each other but she feels her life is dull and boring, that she's committing to a marriage she's not sure of, then things can be fixed. You just need to sort out the places where your lives are in a rut, the places where she feels you're two people living in a house, instead of a couple. She's got a responsibility for letting things get to this stage and not saying anything until this point, so if she still loves you, she should take some responsibility for helping fix the relationship with you. She can't just put it all onto you for not magically sorting things out before you even knew there was an issue.
If the things that brought you together are still there, if you've just been ground down a bit by the daily grind of life, that's just a temporary thing that can be fixed if that's what you both want. Life isn't full of ecstatic happiness day after day, and no one has that because life isn't a Disney fairytale. Sometimes you have to do the boring, dull stuff too, but you have to both make time to be with each other and remember why you're together in the first place. To live a life together, not just occupy the same house.
I hope you get things sorted, but first you have to (both of you) figure out what's wrong and how to fix it. That might include delaying the wedding to see how things go, and just to make the effort to spend time together and reconnect as two people.