The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[MikeTheNative]

That's the worst bluff post ever. We all know you want to see more pics you massive wuffta

I don't need anymore, got loads saved already. I'm on the wrong side of average looks wise so online dating was awful for me got absolutely nowhere. Yet when out actually meeting girls it wasn't too bad as then as I could at least be funny and charming which is the only thing going for me really.

 

[Guest2]

Update. Around 15 dates later (12 different women) and I was asked yesterday by one for it to be exclusive
I'm over the moon as she is really easy to talk to, has similar interests (even knows bits about my field of work) and very pretty - I thought it was a fake profile and was shocked when I got a reply.
I think the key thing is go on more dates, talk to more women and learn from mistakes as someone on here advised. This in turn has highly improved my confidence both dating and at work around women, so a big win. The apps I have been using are Tinger, POF, Bumble, Happn, OkCupid. The main one has been POF and had one or 2 off the others. I paid for a 3 month membership 'Zoost' after seeing it recommended online. Biggest pile of turd ever. Luckily I got a full refund through Apple and Zost support as it lacked basic filters which POF has for free.
What got me a lot more messages in return was an update to my profile where I pointed out my weaknesses and countered with something that made me sound good e.g. Being too honest, eating lots but countering with exercise. Also list more interests and have pictures of yourself (not selfies) showing you doing a variey of things - a standard one, a night out, sporty/action, on holiday. On the way I did get 'burned' as someone mentioned but did expected it at some point. I also did my fair share of letting some of them down - it was around 50/50 to be honest but most failed we mutually agreed there was nothing between us.

Anyway, crack on updating profiles all then sending though messages out. The world of online dating is fun

 

[TheMeekon]

Yeah it is tough. Finding someone who doesn't want kids. I think there will be more people like that as time goes on.
Best thing is (imo) to just break away.

I think it is deep down but everything on the surface is telling me not to. Not only does the friendship mean so much she has supported me a lot with my anxiety so I'm really struggling. Need to learn to deal with it on my own again.

 

[Vanquish-Storm]

Update. Around 15 dates later (12 different women) and I was asked yesterday by one for it to be exclusive
I'm over the moon as she is really easy to talk to, has similar interests (even knows bits about my field of work) and very pretty - I thought it was a fake profile and was shocked when I got a reply.
I think the key thing is go on more dates, talk to more women and learn from mistakes as someone on here advised. This in turn has highly improved my confidence both dating and at work around women, so a big win. The apps I have been using are Tinger, POF, Bumble, Happn, OkCupid. The main one has been POF and had one or 2 off the others. I paid for a 3 month membership 'Zoost' after seeing it recommended online. Biggest pile of **** ever. Luckily I got a full refund through Apple and Zost support as it lacked basic filters which POF has for free.
What got me a lot more messages in return was an update to my profile where I pointed out my weaknesses and countered with something that made me sound good e.g. Being too honest, eating lots but countering with exercise. Also list more interests and have pictures of yourself (not selfies) showing you doing a variey of things - a standard one, a night out, sporty/action, on holiday. On the way I did get 'burned' as someone mentioned but did expected it at some point. I also did my fair share of letting some of them down - it was around 50/50 to be honest but most failed we mutually agreed there was nothing between us.

Anyway, crack on updating profiles all then sending though messages out. The world of online dating is fun

Pics or it didn't happen?

All the best to you sir I hope it goes well!

 

[413x]

I get anxiety and it helps to have someone (family member, friend) who you can talk about it with.
Tough thing to deal with in and out of a relationship.

I think it is deep down but everything on the surface is telling me not to. Not only does the friendship mean so much she has supported me a lot with my anxiety so I'm really struggling. Need to learn to deal with it on my own again.

 

[ARION]

Sick to death of hearing all the betas complain about anxiety. MTFU.

 

[nightwish]

Sick to death of hearing all the betas complain about anxiety. MTFU.

Sick to death of hearing the word beta. STFU.

 

[413x]

Sick to death of hearing all the betas complain about anxiety. MTFU.

Tosno?

The beta thing is really tedious

 

[TheMeekon]

Sick to death of hearing all the betas complain about anxiety. MTFU.

I hope you never have to deal or see someone you care for go through a mental illness/disorder. That kind of attitude is why a lot of people, especially males take the wrong choice.

Even if I believed in the whole ALPHA/BETA tosh I share attributes from both so called requirements but don't give a damn. I'm human and you will also realise this one day.

 

[TheMeekon]

I get anxiety and it helps to have someone (family member, friend) who you can talk about it with.
Tough thing to deal with in and out of a relationship.

Yep it really is, it can be too easy to just do things to keep the anxiety at bay (stay in a relationship or not go about normal life) I've never let that happen hence why I'm doing what I am.

I'm lucky I have a lot of people close that listen. Glad you're doing well, read your posts a while back.

Thanks

 

[ARION]

Sorry but I had to say it. I read this thread quite often and there are a couple of things a lot of you have in common. One of them being the "I have anxiety issues" rubbish.

I'm sorry but I think a lot of you confuse the day-to-day stresses of life with mental illness.

 

[413x]

Yep it really is, it can be too easy to just do things to keep the anxiety at bay (stay in a relationship or not go about normal life) I've never let that happen hence why I'm doing what I am.

I'm lucky I have a lot of people close that listen. Glad you're doing well, read your posts a while back.

Thanks

I still get it. But my gf is pretty good with it as she gets it too. It's frustrating when you know /feel it taking hold. Frustrating bit is when you are aware but it's still there.

Good luck buddy. And thanks

 

[ChrisD.]

So, current GF was with her ex about 3 years. He is 48, she is 24 now. Disaster of a relationship, he used to disappear off for weekends without any contact, return with love bites, scratches etc. He basically treated her like a floor mat the whole time. I know it's no excuse but kind of paints the picture. She stupidly stayed with him and is full of regret. While she was with him, she cheated on him twice about a year into the relationship. I also cheated on my ex, probably more often than that being fully honest. I've spoken with her about it and she says she would never do it again to anyone regardless of the situation and she completely regrets a couple of alcohol induced mistakes. She says she's properly smitten with me, I'm the guy she's been looking for her whole life etc. It still bothers me massively though, should I let it get to me or just get over it?

 

[Ayahuasca]

Under those circumstances I'd be surprised if anyone didn't cheat on him, that being said I think the bigger question is why she'd stayed with him. I'm not a believer in that quote you see on social media about "once a cheat always a cheat" as the circumstances of this behaviour vary massively.

 

[ChrisD.]

Under those circumstances I'd be surprised if anyone didn't cheat on him, that being said I think the bigger question is why she'd stayed with him. I'm not a believer in that quote you see on social media about "once a cheat always a cheat" as the circumstances of this behaviour vary massively.

I guess that's true. In truth I guess she should probably be more worried about me, I cheated on my ex wife multiple times, my ex gf of about 6 years a few times, I've slept with her now best mate a few times (before we got together) and I think a few other people within her social circle. I had a bit of a reputation in the pub we met in and both now frequent quite often.

What's important for me though is I've been single for nearly 3 years and for the first time I've found someone I'm happy with who I have a lot in common with. I should just be thankful for what I now have and not give her any reason at all to consider such behaviour, while also keeping it in my pants.

 

[Ayahuasca]

That'll depend if she's the jealous type then, if she doesn't know about those and it comes out years down the line then it could be game over. It seems silly as someone you settle down with will likely have had multiple/many sexual partners but I couldn't marry or spend a future with someone my best mate had slept with as well.

 

[ChrisD.]

She knows and I asked her about it, she isn't bothered in the slightest. She said she doesn't care and she's happier with me than she ever has been in life.

 

[Ayahuasca]

Then as long as you're happy just crack on, no point thinking about what ifs in that scenario imo.

 

[Steampunk]

So, current GF was with her ex about 3 years. He is 48, she is 24 now. Disaster of a relationship, he used to disappear off for weekends without any contact, return with love bites, scratches etc. He basically treated her like a floor mat the whole time. I know it's no excuse but kind of paints the picture. She stupidly stayed with him and is full of regret. While she was with him, she cheated on him twice about a year into the relationship. I also cheated on my ex, probably more often than that being fully honest. I've spoken with her about it and she says she would never do it again to anyone regardless of the situation and she completely regrets a couple of alcohol induced mistakes. She says she's properly smitten with me, I'm the guy she's been looking for her whole life etc. It still bothers me massively though, should I let it get to me or just get over it?

You've got to get over it. This was all stuff before you met her. Everyone has to **** around and make mistakes when they are young, and better you've both got your mistakes out of the way. You should have both gained an appreciation of what cheating can do from either side, and what a commitment really means if you love someone. It's not like you were both expecting someone virginal who would make a big commitment without having seen the world a bit.

If you start brooding on it, start worrying you're going to cheat on each other (when it hasn't even happened), then the suspicion and distrust will kill the relationship sooner or later. You don't go into a relationship with the idea that it's already going to end badly due to infidelity. Let it go, give each other the benefit of the doubt until either of you has a reason to think otherwise. Make each other happy, and neither of you will want to cheat.

 

[TheMeekon]

Sorry but I had to say it. I read this thread quite often and there are a couple of things a lot of you have in common. One of them being the "I have anxiety issues" rubbish.

I'm sorry but I think a lot of you confuse the day-to-day stresses of life with mental illness.

Arion

You are absolutely clueless.

/Ignore