The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[ARION]

Arion

You are absolutely clueless.

/Ignore

Good one mate. When you disagree with a persons opinion you call them clueless and, in a very childish manner type /ignore. Nice.

 

[Schlong&Stable]

Sorry but I had to say it. I read this thread quite often and there are a couple of things a lot of you have in common. One of them being the "I have anxiety issues" rubbish.

I'm sorry but I think a lot of you confuse the day-to-day stresses of life with mental illness.

Pretty much. We live in an era where everyone needs to be a victim.

 

[Haly]

Sorry but I had to say it. I read this thread quite often and there are a couple of things a lot of you have in common. One of them being the "I have anxiety issues" rubbish.

I'm sorry but I think a lot of you confuse the day-to-day stresses of life with mental illness.

That's a very naive sweeping generalisation to make when you don't know much about anyone on this thread.
None of the posters come in and discuss their life story beforehand, so you can't really say something like that with any chance of accuracy.

 

[Semple]

Feeling pretty much destroyed.

I've been close friends with someone who I dated for around 6 months which I finished. The friendship has nearly been going on 3 years and was brilliant. We both dated others but nothing went anywhere. She has now finally met someone and its really hit me, I thought my feelings were just friendship but they must have grown with attachment. I realised she meant much more but we both wanted different things (I have a kid and don't want more, she wants them)

So anyway I've had to break away and hopefully months, years down the line we can be friends when it's died off. On top of that my anxiety is really flaring so makes the cutting ties for even harder.

Finding someone I like who doesn't want kids seems to be impossible!

What sort of age range are you looking for?

Going by your profile age of 34, you're right in the middle. If you're looking younger than yourself (24-34), then that's most likely the age range that people want kids, if you're looking older (34-44), then you're probably more like to find women in the same boat as you, i.e. already have kids and don't want more.

 

[Semple]

What's important for me though is I've been single for nearly 3 years and for the first time I've found someone I'm happy with who I have a lot in common with. I should just be thankful for what I now have and not give her any reason at all to consider such behaviour, while also keeping it in my pants.

I think you should focus on this bit.

By the sounds of things, you were both as bad as each other in the past. So it's probably better to not dwell on the past, and look forward to a future.

If you both are sincerely happy, then there's no reason for either of you to cheat.

 

[ARION]

That's a very naive sweeping generalisation to make when you don't know much about anyone on this thread.
None of the posters come in and discuss their life story beforehand, so you can't really say something like that with any chance of accuracy.

Haly, I'm sorry but you are wrong. It is a fact that a lot of people in this thread complain of anxiety issues. I am not doubting that some of those cases will be legitimate mental health disorders but not all of them.

I also speak from experience, mental health issues are rife in my family. My uncle died at 40 of a heart attack, he was bi-polar and abused drugs. My mother has spent a fair chunk of my early child hood in hospital following a nervous breakdown after my grandmother died and another portion of time in hospital following the loss of my brother.

As the above poster says, in this era, everyone has to be a victim.

 

[Haly]

Haly, I'm sorry but you are wrong. It is a fact that a lot of people in this thread complain of anxiety issues. I am not doubting that some of those cases will be legitimate mental health disorders but not all of them.

I also speak from experience, mental health issues are rife in my family. My uncle died at 40 of a heart attack, he was bi-polar and abused drugs. My mother has spent a fair chunk of my early child hood in hospital following a nervous breakdown after my grandmother died and another portion of time in hospital following the loss of my brother.

As the above poster says, in this era, everyone has to be a victim.

I'm not wrong. I'm expressing a different opinion to you.

Bad luck on the rough family history.

 

[TheMeekon]

and

What sort of age range are you looking for?

Going by your profile age of 34, you're right in the middle. If you're looking younger than yourself (24-34), then that's most likely the age range that people want kids, if you're looking older (34-44), then you're probably more like to find women in the same boat as you, i.e. already have kids and don't want more.

Yeh that is the case, I'm attracted to younger women but I'm bang on that age where people are starting to think about kids. I usually date 28-35. I'm not so keen on them being older than me but I might have to change my perspective.

 

[TheMeekon]

I still can't believe that attitude exists on here.

The old suck it up, be a man, mind over matter.

Not like I've never tried that before!

 

[JonnyT]

What sort of age range are you looking for?

Going by your profile age of 34, you're right in the middle. If you're looking younger than yourself (24-34), then that's most likely the age range that people want kids, if you're looking older (34-44), then you're probably more like to find women in the same boat as you, i.e. already have kids and don't want more.

Careful, women in the 34-45 age range can be just as broody as the younger ones, especially if they've been career-focused and delayed having kids as a result. In such circumstances I believe it's only right and fair that your are as open and honest about your own preferences regarding kids as early as possible, as it can only lead to trouble later on when they can start trying to 'blackmail' you into having kids by using the 'ticking body clock' line (Glenn Close anyone?)

 

[malachi]

Careful, women in the 34-45 age range can be just as broody as the younger ones, especially if they've been career-focused and delayed having kids as a result. In such circumstances I believe it's only right and fair that your are as open and honest about your own preferences regarding kids as early as possible, as it can only lead to trouble later on when they can start trying to 'blackmail' you into having kids by using the 'ticking body clock' line (Glenn Close anyone?)

Agreed.

I'm 33 and I have to be careful now. You noticed this when you see the amount of single mothers in their late 20's, early 30's with their kids who are less than 2 years old.

 

[ARION]

I'm not wrong. I'm expressing a different opinion to you.

Bad luck on the rough family history.

It is exactly that, a different opinion/outlook to yours.

Sorry, you are wrong in the fact you are calling my opinion naïve and generalised - it is not, it comes from experience and based on information I have gathered whilst reading this thread!.

 

[ARION]

I still can't believe that attitude exists on here.

The old suck it up, be a man, mind over matter.

Not like I've never tried that before!

try harder and find something that distracts your mind from unnecessarily wandering.

 

[TheMeekon]

Careful, women in the 34-45 age range can be just as broody as the younger ones, especially if they've been career-focused and delayed having kids as a result. In such circumstances I believe it's only right and fair that your are as open and honest about your own preferences regarding kids as early as possible, as it can only lead to trouble later on when they can start trying to 'blackmail' you into having kids by using the 'ticking body clock' line (Glenn Close anyone?)

Yep I'm always up front about it early on. Couldn't do with the hassle down the line.

 

[413x]

Agreed.

I'm 33 and I have to be careful now. You noticed this when you see the amount of single mothers in their late 20's, early 30's with their kids who are less than 2 years old.

Yeah 30s is a hard age to date with the kid issues.
I actively avoided girls in their 30s (I'm 31) as often have young kids, or want kids soon if they haven't got any.
Luckily this age there isn't really any problem dating younger. (which is way I ended up). Of course she could change her mind, but as of now we are both of like mind.

I'd rather be in my 40s dating where kid thing is often done.

 

[RoboCod]

Lol @ "try harder".

It is evidently not that simple for many with mental health issues.

 

[ARION]

Love the way you focused on that part of the sentence. Read the whole thing.

Also, anxiety is a less serious form of mental illness (hence the reason every man and his dog having it) and if you put your mind to it you can help yourself. There are plenty of areas where you can try harder so I don't get how that is funny.

Lots of people disagreeing with me without a proper argument. I did think the anxiety crew might jump on my back before I posted.

 

[RoboCod]

Sorry.

Lol @ "try harder and find something that distracts your mind from unnecessarily wandering."

 

[Tefal]

Love the way you focused on that part of the sentence. Read the whole thing.

Also, anxiety is a less serious form of mental illness (hence the reason every man and his dog having it) and if you put your mind to it you can help yourself. There are plenty of areas where you can try harder so I don't get how that is funny.

Lots of people disagreeing with me without a proper argument. I did think the anxiety crew might jump on my back before I posted.

As somone who suffered with diagnosed anxiety and depression, i actually agree with him.

I only started to gwt better when i jist started to do stuff no matter how horrible it felt.

Sitting round waiting to not be anxious to live your life will rob you of years.

Going out and living like you arent anxious is hard and scary but it will get rid of rhe anxiety eventually.

 

[Tefal]

Sorry.

Lol @ "try harder and find something that distracts your mind from unnecessarily wandering."

Second half of your sentence is litterally the advice the mental health team will give you