The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Soldato
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How long has it been? Maybe it's better just moving on, seeing her and bringing up those emotions won't do either of you any good. If she's done the dirty then you're better off without her anyway.

About 3 months since we split now.

I need closure on it all to be honest, i've not had any. I've always been unsatisfied with her explanations as to why it ended and finding this out makes a lot of things make a lot more sense.
Plus im not even sure she cheated, just that it was to do with someone else.

I have to confront her about it as I need answers and to be honest its more the fact that she lied to my face when I asked her initially when it all happened if it was because of someone else.
 
Soldato
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About 3 months since we split now.

I need closure on it all to be honest, i've not had any. I've always been unsatisfied with her explanations as to why it ended and finding this out makes a lot of things make a lot more sense.
Plus im not even sure she cheated, just that it was to do with someone else.

I have to confront her about it as I need answers and to be honest its more the fact that she lied to my face when I asked her initially when it all happened if it was because of someone else.

We pretty much told you this. She kept it quiet because she didn't want to be the bad guy, the cheater that caused the break-up. She'll fool herself that she was lying to spare your feelings, but really it was to make her life easier.

Be prepared for the fact that she may deny it all and stick to the lies, and you won't get any closure. You may find that she confesses all, and it brings you no closure. It just brings you more hurt, and doesn't solve anything. It's just another twist of the knife. Ultimately, you just have to cut all ties and move on.
 
Soldato
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We pretty much told you this. She kept it quiet because she didn't want to be the bad guy, the cheater that caused the break-up. She'll fool herself that she was lying to spare your feelings, but really it was to make her life easier.

Be prepared for the fact that she may deny it all and stick to the lies, and you won't get any closure. You'll just have to cut all ties and move on.

Indeed mate. I hope that if she did have any ounce of love, care or respect for me that she will now have the opportunity to just admit it and own up to it. But, again, I need to be prepared for the fact that I may not get the answer that I want to hear and wont be satisfied with anything she says.

EDIT - just seen your edit, and yes, she may admit it all too and it may not help how i feel, but I suspect it will do in the long run. It will give me something to be angry at if anything, something that has been absent throughout this whole process.
 
Soldato
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Yeh, didn't get any more firm answers other than she is now seeing someone else and she was adamant there wasn't any overlap between me and him and had been unhappy in our relationship for a while.

Fair enough. Still not completely satisfied with the answers like I thought would be the case but that's fine I wasn't expecting her to just come out and bare all. Hugely convenient that she just jumped straight into another relationship with someone though. Hasn't made me feel any better but I've given her an opportunity to tell me should she need to so there's nothing left for me to do. Just need to get the house signed over to me and then have done with it. Tough times ahead.
 
Caporegime
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Yeh, didn't get any more firm answers other than she is now seeing someone else and she was adamant there wasn't any overlap between me and him and had been unhappy in our relationship for a while.

Fair enough. Still not completely satisfied with the answers like I thought would be the case but that's fine I wasn't expecting her to just come out and bare all. Hugely convenient that she just jumped straight into another relationship with someone though. Hasn't made me feel any better but I've given her an opportunity to tell me should she need to so there's nothing left for me to do. Just need to get the house signed over to me and then have done with it. Tough times ahead.

Might not have been any physical over lap. May have just been feelings.
Guy she's with head done you a favour. It would have happened at some point. Better now than 2 years later or whatever. Same thing happened to me. But it was for the best in the end. Now I dead to think what I would have missed out on had It not ended when it did.
 
Soldato
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Moved into my mates house last night. Amazing how much stuff you can fit in a Fiesta when its necessary :p Just bikes and a couple of bits of outdoor kit to collect over the next few days. It's so surreal texting her as if she's a business associate in terms of arranging times etc..

Got quite moving texts from her parents yesterday saying how gutted they are which really didn't help matters.. If anything I was as close with them as my own parents.

Still, onwards and upwards. Just under 3 weeks of mental studying to go and then after that boatloads of overtime likely to be needed. Seeing a mortgage advisor on Tuesday just to get an idea of how much of a mortgage is feasible in my current circumstances. Not jumping into anything just need an idea.
 
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Man of Honour
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Not sure where else to vent this but eHarmony are a complete rip off. I signed up stupidly last September, I was billed 3 lots of £51.90 but got £90 or so cashback. Because I cancelled under 24 hours before account renewal, I got put on another 6 month agreement with another 3 payments of £51.90. I tried to complain but they bummed me off citing terms and conditions etc. So a total of £311.40 on one single date. I tried complaining but they just ignored all contact.
 
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Soldato
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IANAL but I'd speculate that are on dodgy ground with auto-renewal. Not saying you should do this but personally I'd be getting my bank/card provider to cancel/reverse the payment. Probably worth looking online for any success stories with refunds and going from there. MSE may be a good place to look?
 
Associate
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Not sure where else to vent this but eHarmony are a complete rip off. I signed up stupidly last September, I was billed 3 lots of £51.90 but got £90 or so cashback. Because I cancelled under 24 hours before account renewal, I got put on another 6 month agreement with another 3 payments of £51.90. I tried to complain but they bummed me off citing terms and conditions etc. So a total of £311.40 on one single date. I tried complaining but they just ignored all contact.

What the hell! I've only ever done match for £30 on a 6 month offer and that felt bad enough.
 
Man of Honour
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Pretty sure they are on dodgy ground with auto-renewal. I'd be getting my bank/card provider to cancel/reverse the payment.

Oh really, it was done with PayPal, which takes the money from my bank. How would I go about something like that?

What the hell! I've only ever done match for £30 on a 6 month offer and that felt bad enough.

I think I was drunk at the time.
 
Soldato
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I was just searching on auto renewal complaints and eHarmony are one of the top results - seems you're not alone!

You could raise a dispute with PayPal. I'd seek the advice of someone who knows what they're talking about with contracts first though and not go by what I say! DId you get a screenshot of confirmation email for the cancellation?

I'd never pay for one of these sites on principle - lots of them are dodgy with fake profiles/bots. Also the idea of preying on peoples' emotions for profit doesn't sit well with me.
 
Soldato
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https://www.gov.uk/government/uploa.../file/284443/OFT1494_Key_issues_in_ongoi1.pdf

There's some guidance there regarding auto-renewals on page 10. It depends on how aggressive EH will be in chasing you up for the money. There's the potential for them to make life hard and lodge a failure to pay on your credit record. That's why I said my approach is from a personal perspective. :)

How clear was the auto-renewal clause made to you at the outset? I see some people on MSE have had success with other sites by quoting parts of that document.
 
Man of Honour
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How clear was the auto-renewal clause made to you at the outset? I see some people on MSE have had success with other sites by quoting parts of that document.

Honestly I really do not remember! Cheers for the link, I'll see what Paypal say and go from there.
 
Caporegime
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I was just searching on auto renewal complaints and eHarmony are one of the top results - seems you're not alone!

You could raise a dispute with PayPal. I'd seek the advice of someone who knows what they're talking about with contracts first though and not go by what I say! DId you get a screenshot of confirmation email for the cancellation?

I'd never pay for one of these sites on principle - lots of them are dodgy with fake profiles/bots. Also the idea of preying on peoples' emotions for profit doesn't sit well with me.

Surely bots should be easy enough to avoid quickly after you go to text messages or whatever

I thought the paid for sites have less people but more serious people. But never used a pay for one
 
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