Soldato
Pop smoke and break contact with both girls.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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How, by talking to other guys?
Yes, I already was. Sort of the reason for speaking to other girls - We had discussions a few months back and decided to continue things as they are for the time being but not take things further (as in moving in with each other)
Why would she be annoyed at my honesty if nothing has happened?
Does it work differently for women? As in she is telling her boyfriend she has been hanging out with a new guy but I shouldnt tell my girlfriend.
New girl has also had talks in the past and almost split up due to no common interests/future with her boyfriend
Id be interested on female comments if there are any on here
You're doing the female thing, getting things ready to dump your partner and the next one to move onto (ie having your cake and eat it).
I think the money thing is very shallow, if you are together then everything is shared, but the kids thing is a very valid reason for breaking up.
100% B for me.
I think the money thing is very shallow, if you are together then everything is shared, but the kids thing is a very valid reason for breaking up.
100% B for me.
If my girlfriend was "talking to other guys" she'd be out of the door. I wouldn't be so sure she's going to break up with her boyfriend of 5 years either, Women tend to enjoy having their ego boosted by other guys being interested in them, but when it comes to actually pulling the plug on a current boyfriend they aren't always that brave.
These are two separate things, and I'm not sure why you've put them together. If the current relationship is finished, then end it and go your separate ways. If something then develops with a new girl, then follow it up and see what happens. Don't keep one woman hanging on while you cheat with another who is in turn cheating on her boyfriend. Is that the pattern you want to start a new relationship with?
Caporegime
Yikes, if you are unhappy in a relationship that has no future, end it.
Plodding along until something better comes along is just cowardly imo. And I say that as I have been that same kind of coward in the past, wasting my time, wasting my ex's time, and causing more hurt and complications than it was worth.
Plodding along until something better comes along is just cowardly imo. And I say that as I have been that same kind of coward in the past, wasting my time, wasting my ex's time, and causing more hurt and complications than it was worth.
Aah, yes, the typical person who thinks because they have a relationship where one person rules then that must be the norm. Unfortunately a position also pushed by baby boomers.
Despite this I have had more than enough success with ladies to 1) know it's true with some women and 2) know that it's not true with other women. And I'm much happier in a relationship following scenario 2) and have been happy for many years with this viewpoint.
Caporegime
If you're unhappy then leave your current relationship and have some fun with the new girl but I wouldn't be committing to someone who goes on dates with other guys behind her boyfriends back, red flag right from the start.
You've already made your mind up, there is no future with the current Mrs and you know it. You're just waiting for everything to fall into place so you can pull the trigger.
If you were happy, and you only viewed this other girl as a friend it wouldn't be an issue telling the Mrs about her.
If you were happy, and you only viewed this other girl as a friend it wouldn't be an issue telling the Mrs about her.
I wouldn't mention anything about replacements, just tell her you want to split up because you want children and she doesn't, it's a perfectly valid thing to discuss. And although it's a difficult subject to broach early in, it's important to have that discussion as soon as possible when entering a relationship because it's better you know what each other wants now than 2 years down the line.
Im of the opinion it should be a filter available on online dating sites (it may be, I dont kknow)
People usually know if they dont want kids, do want kids or are Unsure.
Would save a lot of wasted time. Absolutely no point in not talking about it as its something you can't compromise on.
Met my gf on a dating website, you could set 3 options for kids: Don't want kids, might want kids, do want kids. We both had do want kids and we both discussed it in person after being together 3 months or so, similar with marriage etc. We both agreed it's better to have this conversation now than in 3 years and realise we want different things.
Same, before me and the missus even met up she told me she wants kids I wasn't opposed to the idea as long as the relationship was healthy and happy after a year or so and that worked for us.
Staying with someone with polar opposite feelings with something like this is only going to lead to resentment!
You and girl 2 may have not gotten physical yet but what you're both doing is wrong, theres nothing innocent about this. As others have suggested, do you really want to date a girl who's comfortable sneaking around behind her boyfriends back?
Staying with someone with polar opposite feelings with something like this is only going to lead to resentment!
You and girl 2 may have not gotten physical yet but what you're both doing is wrong, theres nothing innocent about this. As others have suggested, do you really want to date a girl who's comfortable sneaking around behind her boyfriends back?
Soldato
I originally wrote a long old post but most of it was basically a therapy session on paper 
Happy to elaborate on my story if it helps.
You're probably having these feelings etc for good reason, there are things you don't like about her/the relationship same as me in my story. I would end things if this is the case. Keep this other woman at arms length though, it's easy to think the grass is greener and go straight into something else with the person that turned your head, treat her as nothing more than a catalyst for ending your relationship at first, the sun definitely doesn't shine out her arse as it may seem now.
My ex is back in a long-term relationship with someone who hopefully wants the same things as her at a lot faster pace than I did, I don't want to see her hurt again, we had good times together but she probably feels she wasted 8 years of her life with me. I told her she'd be thankful I did this in time and pretty sure I'm more or less right now the dust is settled.
Happy to elaborate on my story if it helps.You're probably having these feelings etc for good reason, there are things you don't like about her/the relationship same as me in my story. I would end things if this is the case. Keep this other woman at arms length though, it's easy to think the grass is greener and go straight into something else with the person that turned your head, treat her as nothing more than a catalyst for ending your relationship at first, the sun definitely doesn't shine out her arse as it may seem now.
My ex is back in a long-term relationship with someone who hopefully wants the same things as her at a lot faster pace than I did, I don't want to see her hurt again, we had good times together but she probably feels she wasted 8 years of her life with me. I told her she'd be thankful I did this in time and pretty sure I'm more or less right now the dust is settled.
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You're clearly not happy in the relationship because you're using what I think are some silly reasons (except the not wanting kids bit.) I don't think it was a fair comment about how she earns less than you and thus would effect holidays etc
I've had a couple of exes who earned more than me but were useless with their money so we couldn't go to certain places. The point is though it shouldn't matter where you go but who with.You also seem to be defensive about this other girl even though I think subconsciously you probably know it's not right but trying to perhaps justify it to yourself..?
Personally I'd say end the relationship if you're not happy, based on the fact alone that she never wants children but you do. Don't tell her you've been hanging out with someone else, if nothing has happened then at least spare her the pain of being told you've already been searching out a replacement.
As for girl 2, I'd say take a step back for a while. Let her sort whatever is going on in her relationship first and who knows but I don't think it's wise to jump straight into something. Also how do you genuinely know that she's not just saying all the right things because she likes the attention she's currently getting.