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The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by mattyprice4004, Apr 23, 2012.

  1. Hades


    Joined: Oct 19, 2002

    Posts: 22,479

    Location: Surrey and London

    It sounds like she's mentioning it to remind you that you aren't a couple. As above it feels like she's keeping you as a safe bet until she finds someone she's more interested in. If it were me I'd sit down and talk to her about it. There is no point treading too delicately. You have to be clear in what you want in a relationship. That applies to both parties. Otherwise she's just wasting your time.
  2. Toasty

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Oct 21, 2002

    Posts: 2,443

    Location: Sunderland

    Devils advocate. If you aren’t a couple I would take that as you are not exclusive, if you are not so bothered about this girl continue to smash while looking elsewhere. If you have feelings for her then best confront as sounds like you are a backup but probably won’t get the answer you are after.
  3. CosmicClown


    Joined: Sep 22, 2012

    Posts: 591

    oh my god thats so anger inducing.
    I have been on dating sites on and off for a decade.

    The BBC spin it to make it look like it only happens to women.

    The AMOUNT of womens profiles I've seen over a decade saying 'Only black/mixed race men please' and I would think 'If I did that but for black women I'd probably be labeled as racist' then what do ya know 5 years later the BBC are saying just that LMAO.

    BBC are so out of touch with reality.
  4. Hades


    Joined: Oct 19, 2002

    Posts: 22,479

    Location: Surrey and London

    It's just the start. Once it's deemed racist to be attracted to a certain type then they will start on people fat shaming if they won't date a 16 stone whale with no self control.
  5. PermaChanged


    Joined: Jan 19, 2006

    Posts: 3,376

    Excuse me buddy, who are you calling a whale? #metoo #hurtfeels #sensitivesnowflake
  6. Trappi$t

    Perma Banned

    Joined: Oct 30, 2018

    Posts: 320

    What is annoying is that the whales are taught to "love themselves for who they are", and "body positivity", and "you can be beautiful at any size" etc etc etc ... et. al

    Heaven forbid any obese whales actually lose weight and become attractive.
  7. CrimsonAvenger

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Oct 19, 2002

    Posts: 1,333

    Location: Highbridge

    Been in that situation myself. 12 months is enough to see if it's working out, so either you're a couple or you are not. With hindsight having been in that position before I would force the issue either way. She's either bothered or she's not IMHO.
  8. Monkeynut


    Joined: Nov 7, 2007

    Posts: 6,337

    Location: Cheshire

    Use the opportunity to not be a couple, get your leg over elsewhere, if she gets upset "but we aren't a couple?"
  9. Beasty


    Joined: Mar 6, 2009

    Posts: 2,518

    Location: Nottingham

    Yep, make her commit or tell her to "get off the pot"

    Women like that tend to get awfully offended if you treat them how they treat you. Been there :p
  10. Roar87


    Joined: May 10, 2012

    Posts: 5,308

    Location: Leeds

    Do you have so little value for yourself that you're willing to continue seeing a girl who is seemingly too embarrassed to be in a public relationship with you?

    Do you expect a woman to be attracted to a man who values himself so little that he's willing to continue seeing her while she won't even be public with their relationship?

    Perhaps you should start putting in the same level of care into the relationship that she is. Here's a good bit of advice, don't make anyone your priority if you aren't their priority. That goes for jobs, friends, women and family alike. Conversely, if you are someone's priority, be loyal and make them your priority.
  11. Steampunk


    Joined: Jun 1, 2013

    Posts: 6,211

    I tend to agree with everyone above. She keeps telling you she's not willing to make a commitment, which you seem to want. You have to force the issue one way or another, which is probably what she wants. You "prove" that you want her by insisting on becoming a couple officially (whatever that means), or you finish things because she's just not that into you (and is waiting for you to give her an excuse to move on - which she will do sooner or later as she's not committed to the relationship).
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2018
  12. PixieLandGirl

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jul 13, 2009

    Posts: 1,058

    Location: Cambridgeshire

    I think you need to talk to her again & or draw a line in the sand. If after a year she still has issue with people assuming (and why wouldn't they) that you're a couple then something doesn't seem right at all. Maybe she has some reason in her head that makes sense to her but she needs to share what that is with you, & then can decide how you feel about it and possibly discuss it further (if you think it would be beneficial). Otherwise you have to take it at face value, & as an outsider it seems like you are valuing the 'relationship' much more than she is & it's quite disrespectful towards you after that length of time.

    If I was you, I'd 100% want to know why me being seen as the other half was such a terrible thing.

    Gl :)
  13. 413x


    Joined: Jan 13, 2010

    Posts: 16,030

    Location: Cardiff

    Wow a year to live in limbo?
    No way. My gf asked for me to take it slow at the start but after a couple of months we were a couple.
    A year is ridiculous. I think I'd bin her off. Anyone who can't commit after that long isn't on the same page as me (and most people!).
    I don't think id even give her much leway. Its pretty much implicit that after seeing someone for a year you're a couple (unless it's fwb on both sides, which is fine.)
  14. Hades


    Joined: Oct 19, 2002

    Posts: 22,479

    Location: Surrey and London

    You should build your own life before settling down with someone. What this means is learning to love yourself before you love others. The consequence of this is a personal pride. When you have that you will see that she's not treating you right. Stand up for what you want in this relationship and if she doesn't want the same thing then move on and find someone who does. Good luck.
  15. .Lethal


    Joined: Jun 8, 2005

    Posts: 6,070

    Location: United Kingdom

    I'm a bit taken aback that some of you are suggesting talking to the girl after being dangled by a string for a year. Time to move on IMO.
  16. krooton


    Joined: May 9, 2004

    Posts: 24,869

    Location: Leafy outskirts of London

    If you can't "see where it goes" after 3 months, it is going nowhere.
  17. XeNoN89


    Joined: Mar 6, 2007

    Posts: 7,767

    Location: SW19

    What's the longest people have taken to go ''all the way' after starting to date someone?

    I'm on for a record now. Almost at a month in. We've seen a LOT of eachother over the past month and we always end up all over eachother but she has always stopped us going all the way.

    From what I've found out so far she has been messed around before and she hasn't said it herself but I don't think she's been with someone for a long time which I susoect what is causing this. We seem to really like eachother but this is getting really difficult for me now!
  18. Terminal_Boy


    Joined: Apr 13, 2013

    Posts: 6,548

    Location: La France

    Have you seen her naked? She might be hiding something.
  19. tek81

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jul 1, 2015

    Posts: 2,114

    Location: UK

    My ex kept me waiting for 2 months, so she could be sure I wasn't after one thing. It worked. We were together for 8 years and I completely destroyed her for the best part of that. Just wait it out.
  20. AHarvey


    Joined: Mar 6, 2008

    Posts: 9,507

    Location: Stoke area

    If you like her does it matter? Raise it with her beforehand not after she's stopped it, maybe she's scared of being with someone new.