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The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by mattyprice4004, Apr 23, 2012.

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  1. Ayahuasca

    Capodecina

    Joined: Apr 23, 2014

    Posts: 17,838

    Location: County Durham

    It's important to remember that sometimes this can just be a reflection on yourself though and not the other person, the outcome is still the same though and you shouldn't be going in to a long term relationship if that's the case :)
     
  2. Beasty

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Mar 6, 2009

    Posts: 2,499

    Location: Nottingham

    Oh definitely it's more me than them, it's become a bit of a thing for me that I can't just spend time with people regularly, despite them really trying to compromise in fairness. So much I am considering counseling about it. First it felt like I was being a rebel but it cost me a fairly decent relationship. She only wanted to see me 2 nights a week but I'd just keep cancelling when it was planned in advance.

    Now I just feel a bit broken, like my way of thinking is corrupted and not normal. But my hope is to find someone that changes that but maybe the issue is deeper.
     
  3. arknor

    Caporegime

    Joined: Nov 22, 2005

    Posts: 35,382

    Location: Newcastle/Zurich

    gf dumped me before christmas claiming she never had the spark and never loved me and only stayed with me for the child. went to her house for christmas anyway was sleeping in her bed and in her after 1 day ... met her grandfather and a bunch of her family at some house worth 2million ch for the land only for the first time one week later, had her mother who hated me saying how well I did at this dinner and sending me a birthday gift for the first time in the 3 years ive known her ...
    seems my gf dumped me and finally her family actually like me lol...
    got dumped because she was talking to some guy in england on the internet btw. twice in 2 months probably the same guy both times since i k nw sne unblocked him after i left

    I love her and shes totally amazing and prettty attarctive but im drunk in her kitchen wondering if I should go home in a few days and never speak to her again beause of wnat she did to me for so e guy on the internet she had a crush on after speaking to him for less than 24 hours.
    apparently the guy she was ta,king to is a mil lio airre but i calling bs and hes some virgin from the internet telling women whatever they want to hear lol
     
  4. XeNoN89

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Mar 6, 2007

    Posts: 7,538

    Location: SW19

    Sounds like she maybe told her family about this other guy and they didn't agree with what she was doing to you and hence they now been friendly towards you?

    Anyway whatever you decide on the end as a kid is involved try to keep everything civil for their sake.
     
  5. Ayahuasca

    Capodecina

    Joined: Apr 23, 2014

    Posts: 17,838

    Location: County Durham

    That tour is well and truly over, go and live your life before you spiral into that hell hole she’ll put you in.
     
  6. ci_newman

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Feb 24, 2004

    Posts: 8,777

    Location: Hook, Hants

    I agree, the relationship is over. Keep it civil for the child, but only that.
     
  7. .Lethal

    Soldato

    Joined: Jun 8, 2005

    Posts: 5,972

    Location: United Kingdom

    I don't even know why you went for Christmas given what she told you before it tbh. It sounds like you're just hurting yourself more by being around there.

    It's an awful thing for her to do to you, and in your position I'd be looking for the first flight out of there quickly and as quietly as I could.
     
  8. 413x

    Capodecina

    Joined: Jan 13, 2010

    Posts: 15,385

    Location: Stamford

    Well said !

    It's over. Sooner you move on the better!
     
  9. arknor

    Caporegime

    Joined: Nov 22, 2005

    Posts: 35,382

    Location: Newcastle/Zurich

    mainly went to see my son whos 3.. told each other we arent getting back together then end up playing happy families after 1 day.... like everything is normal but obviously I dont trust her anymore not to pull the same crap again the next time Im away for a month for work.

    seems she gets lonely and bored when im not here, forgets what its like when we are together then ends up on some stupid chat app thinking people are genuine when they just are trying to get nudes or whatever from gullible women.
    I was supposed to move over in the next few months permanently but told her its too big a risk for me after this crap.

    I know her life is terribly boring and she must get despressed when Im away, she has no actual friends just a few women she only really talks with to make play dates for the kids and to have a coffee together.

    I should have moved over here full time when our kid was born and everything wouod have been fine, dont really blame her for getting lonely, she never physically cheated, shes too honest to lie, literally broke it off with me because she had a crush on someone which is obviously bloody stupid and childish in thr first place. but it was some guy on the internet who would never meet her, never want to be a family with her etc

    she even told me the guy had a wedding ring in one of the photos she saw of him, told her shes an idiot the guys obviously married and just messing around on the internet for some childish hot talks or trying to get nudes. lets face it internet chatrooms are full of bored married people, virgins or people pretending they are something thry are not, probably not even using their own photos but someone elses from facebook.
    or they would be out in the real world getting laid. like this guy apparently a millionaire but spends his time chatting up women on randomchat instead of in a bar or club... sounds totally legit that someone under 40 with millions would actually do this.

    nigerian prince emails are sounding more legit to me.
     
  10. .Lethal

    Soldato

    Joined: Jun 8, 2005

    Posts: 5,972

    Location: United Kingdom

    I didn't know the child involved was also yours. It makes more sense for being there.

    If you want my opinion on what you just said, I think you're being a bit dismissive of your girlfriends choices that shes made, shes responsible for her own actions and being bored isn't an excuse. Neither is it going to change anything if you keep telling yourself it's your fault for not moving sooner. You make some valid points, but really right now it won't make any difference to anything right now.

    Because you're not there daily, for the sake of the child why not come out in the open with her family, explain the situation as it is without assumptions of why it happened but rather what you want to happen moving forward, get her family's opinion and have them informed and see what your partner says. Keeping her family in the dark whilst also not there yourself doesn't sound like a great idea.
     
  11. Mason-

    Mobster

    Joined: Jun 18, 2010

    Posts: 4,719

    Location: Essex

    I find it pretty insane you didn't move out there permanently when your child was born, I'd take that as a massive insult. "You still want to be with me, and we have a child together but you're going to live in another country", why?
     
  12. tek81

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jul 1, 2015

    Posts: 1,699

    Location: UK

    Another year, another issue with the ex; who I'm starting to suspect is quite mad. I've written about her before, but just as a summary -

    We were together for almost a decade. For the vast majority of the relationship I paid all the bills; food, holidays, clothes etc. Then, in the last 18 months I lost my job. I decided to go to university with the aim of building a career and solid financial platform from which her and I could enjoy a good quality of life. We discussed the implications. She would have to pay the bills. She did without complaint. Then, one month into my course, totally out of the blue, she cheated on me and left. Following then, she has been sending me messages via different platforms, asking me to send her money. Now she knows I'm a poor student. She also knows that the verbal agreement we had was that I'd pay her back when I graduate. But no, the messages continue...

    Roll on to last week. I'm elbow deep in a very challenging medical audit report. Stressed out like a mad man and with only the desire to get a good grade on my mind. Then, I get a message from the ex....She says she hopes I had a good Xmas (I didn't), and then proceeds to ask me for money. The woman is driving me nuts. I've been debating whether or not to reply to her. Should I? It's almost like she's wanting me to fund her new life with the guy she was cheating on me with, all while I work my fingers to the bone at uni. Damn, I gave her so much when we we're together, I feel so angry.
     
  13. Steampunk

    Soldato

    Joined: Jun 1, 2013

    Posts: 5,385


    OMG! How many times do we have to tell you to just cut her off!? At best, tell her not to contact you, you're not comfortable with it, and any further contact will be reported to the police as harassment. What's the point in coming here for advice if you just ignore it time and time again, only to have the same problems crop up a few months down the line?

    If you don't want to have this hassle, then just block her on everything. I hope you didn't confirm that "verbal agreement" via a text or letter to make it legally binding... That boat should have sailed when she cheated on you.

    You need to look at yourself in the mirror to find out why this issue keep coming up instead of being put to bed a long time ago.
     
  14. tom_e

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Dec 26, 2003

    Posts: 25,711

    Location: West mids

    As Steampunk says, block, delete, report to the police if she continues.
     
  15. Maundie

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Oct 20, 2010

    Posts: 2,032

    I would block her from my life, she's obviously not interested in you and is only adding to your stress.

    Ignore and move forward with your life.
     
  16. tek81

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jul 1, 2015

    Posts: 1,699

    Location: UK

    She's blocked on all platforms I use. But there's no method I'm aware of that prevents her from sending me messages via new accounts. Which is what is now happening.
     
  17. Mason-

    Mobster

    Joined: Jun 18, 2010

    Posts: 4,719

    Location: Essex

    Here you go:

     
  18. Steampunk

    Soldato

    Joined: Jun 1, 2013

    Posts: 5,385

    That's why you report to police as harassment, and they have a word with her as an official warning. Or you just keep blocking, blocking, blocking. She turns up at work, call security. She turns up at your home, throw her out and call the police.

    She keeps coming back to you because you keep letting her. Presumably you've been giving her money too, so why would she ever stop taking the free cash you give out so she can spend it on her new boyfriend? Get angry, get it over and done with!
     
  19. Mason-

    Mobster

    Joined: Jun 18, 2010

    Posts: 4,719

    Location: Essex

    Also do this.
     
  20. tek81

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jul 1, 2015

    Posts: 1,699

    Location: UK

    I haven't given her a penny since she left in 2017. Filing a complaint seems like the next logical step.