The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[ci_newman]

Bullets are best dodged.

I don’t even see my wife anymore. She works all the time. We were meant to have one intimate day on Sunday - nope, she has work to do. What’s the point tbh.

LOL I didn't realise you had a wife! (I don't follow the thread very often). Definitely don't take gym girls number!

 

[CaptainRAVE]

LOL I didn't realise you had a wife! (I don't follow the thread very often). Definitely don't take gym girls number!

Hehe, yeah

 

[KillBoY_UK]

got the popcorn ready , go for it

So after we just became “friends” things where fine and I was getting over it, then she dropped hints she wanted fun again. Soon after she went up to see her mates and dropped by (3 hour drive to her mates and my place is about half way. For context one of these mates is guy we as going to call “Joe”, she was kinda interested in Joe but chose to be FWB with me as Joe is abit thick In the head.

So she’s leave mine on the Friday, goes up to see her mates and goes back to her on the Sunday, this was late April or so. That Sunday Reason she goes “leo leo leo, I’ve been bad and I hate myself and understand if you don’t want to speak to me again” I just came out and asked “You ****** joe didn’t you” .

Well she, felt like a punch in the gut but not like I owned her if we where a thing so I let it slide but I told her I was not happy etc.


Here comes the BS bit


Later in the coming days she said “how you feel about joe being one the scene” “what do you mean”, Her : “how you feel about me being FWB with you both”, I basically said “no thanks” and she sad she rather not do it at all with us both so I was cool with that. I was WTF after that.

Get better.

Later on she all upset on wha’ts app saying “Joe” couldn’t hack just being FWB and called it off and how she felt like “poo”. Yer is sucks don’t it, she couldn’t see the irony despite she did the same thing to me and my feelings. For the next few days she kept on talking about this guy “should I talk to him, should I wait “as while again she said they wouldn’t be compatible in a proper relationship she kinda hope it would happen still. Punch to the gut yet again for myself . At that point I should have told her to just shut up.

Funny thing I ender up she her and met all her mates at convention including “Joe” and Joe was indeed abit dumb but seemed like a nice enough chap so I had no issues with him.

Roll on today I’ve tried to date again (no 2nd dates sadly) to try and get her out of my head as for some reason I do love the woman she not knowing my feelings still as I though it just make the situation more sticky. Also tried to cut down contact, I was planning to visit as I can drive no (3 week with a car) but I know she went to visit her mates at the weekend and will do again this weekend and to be honest I couldn’t stomach know she prob will see and pine over “joe” and properly “Have fun with him again”.

Its been almost a week since I spoke to her last, I miss talking to her even as a mate and I thought about writing my feelings down and telling her before cutting off contact to get it off my chest so I can move on.

Feel like a fool, for opening up again, lonely and worthless and generally feeling like a mug for still having feelings for her despite being put through the emotional ringer . Sigh

Still its good to get it of my chest here as there’s nowhere else I can

 

[KillBoY_UK]

got the popcorn ready , go for it

Also can I have some popcorn please if its the toffee kind

 

[wedrum]

So after we just became “friends” things where fine and I was getting over it, then she dropped hints she wanted fun again. Soon after she went up to see her mates and dropped by (3 hour drive to her mates and my place is about half way. For context one of these mates is guy we as going to call “Joe”, she was kinda interested in Joe but chose to be FWB with me as Joe is abit thick In the head.

So she’s leave mine on the Friday, goes up to see her mates and goes back to her on the Sunday, this was late April or so. That Sunday Reason she goes “leo leo leo, I’ve been bad and I hate myself and understand if you don’t want to speak to me again” I just came out and asked “You ****** joe didn’t you” .

Well she, felt like a punch in the gut but not like I owned her if we where a thing so I let it slide but I told her I was not happy etc.


Here comes the BS bit


Later in the coming days she said “how you feel about joe being one the scene” “what do you mean”, Her : “how you feel about me being FWB with you both”, I basically said “no thanks” and she sad she rather not do it at all with us both so I was cool with that. I was WTF after that.

Get better.

Later on she all upset on wha’ts app saying “Joe” couldn’t hack just being FWB and called it off and how she felt like “poo”. Yer is sucks don’t it, she couldn’t see the irony despite she did the same thing to me and my feelings. For the next few days she kept on talking about this guy “should I talk to him, should I wait “as while again she said they wouldn’t be compatible in a proper relationship she kinda hope it would happen still. Punch to the gut yet again for myself . At that point I should have told her to just shut up.

Funny thing I ender up she her and met all her mates at convention including “Joe” and Joe was indeed abit dumb but seemed like a nice enough chap so I had no issues with him.

Roll on today I’ve tried to date again (no 2nd dates sadly) to try and get her out of my head as for some reason I do love the woman she not knowing my feelings still as I though it just make the situation more sticky. Also tried to cut down contact, I was planning to visit as I can drive no (3 week with a car) but I know she went to visit her mates at the weekend and will do again this weekend and to be honest I couldn’t stomach know she prob will see and pine over “joe” and properly “Have fun with him again”.

Its been almost a week since I spoke to her last, I miss talking to her even as a mate and I thought about writing my feelings down and telling her before cutting off contact to get it off my chest so I can move on.

Feel like a fool, for opening up again, lonely and worthless and generally feeling like a mug for still having feelings for her despite being put through the emotional ringer . Sigh

Still its good to get it of my chest here as there’s nowhere else I can

i take it no kids are involved ? then get outta there and move on.

 

[krooton]

So after we just became “friends” things where fine and I was getting over it, then she dropped hints she wanted fun again. Soon after she went up to see her mates and dropped by (3 hour drive to her mates and my place is about half way. For context one of these mates is guy we as going to call “Joe”, she was kinda interested in Joe but chose to be FWB with me as Joe is abit thick In the head.

So she’s leave mine on the Friday, goes up to see her mates and goes back to her on the Sunday, this was late April or so. That Sunday Reason she goes “leo leo leo, I’ve been bad and I hate myself and understand if you don’t want to speak to me again” I just came out and asked “You ****** joe didn’t you” .

Well she, felt like a punch in the gut but not like I owned her if we where a thing so I let it slide but I told her I was not happy etc.


Here comes the BS bit


Later in the coming days she said “how you feel about joe being one the scene” “what do you mean”, Her : “how you feel about me being FWB with you both”, I basically said “no thanks” and she sad she rather not do it at all with us both so I was cool with that. I was WTF after that.

Get better.

Later on she all upset on wha’ts app saying “Joe” couldn’t hack just being FWB and called it off and how she felt like “poo”. Yer is sucks don’t it, she couldn’t see the irony despite she did the same thing to me and my feelings. For the next few days she kept on talking about this guy “should I talk to him, should I wait “as while again she said they wouldn’t be compatible in a proper relationship she kinda hope it would happen still. Punch to the gut yet again for myself . At that point I should have told her to just shut up.

Funny thing I ender up she her and met all her mates at convention including “Joe” and Joe was indeed abit dumb but seemed like a nice enough chap so I had no issues with him.

Roll on today I’ve tried to date again (no 2nd dates sadly) to try and get her out of my head as for some reason I do love the woman she not knowing my feelings still as I though it just make the situation more sticky. Also tried to cut down contact, I was planning to visit as I can drive no (3 week with a car) but I know she went to visit her mates at the weekend and will do again this weekend and to be honest I couldn’t stomach know she prob will see and pine over “joe” and properly “Have fun with him again”.

Its been almost a week since I spoke to her last, I miss talking to her even as a mate and I thought about writing my feelings down and telling her before cutting off contact to get it off my chest so I can move on.

Feel like a fool, for opening up again, lonely and worthless and generally feeling like a mug for still having feelings for her despite being put through the emotional ringer . Sigh

Still its good to get it of my chest here as there’s nowhere else I can

I'm not gonna lie, I struggled to read that and don't exactly understand wtf is going on, haha.

 

[lurkio]

had to read that twice, but yeah, that situation sucks big time
Sorry but bailing out it best, I know she was a mate but became much more than that in your eyes
best to take some time away and out of contact from her

 

[KillBoY_UK]

I'm not gonna lie, I struggled to read that and don't exactly understand wtf is going on, haha.

Sorry being a dyslexic and autistic gentleman its hard to get thoughts and feelings out of my head in a manner other please can understand

 

[CaptainRAVE]

I don't think you quite understood the meaning of FWB. Best of out of that one tbh unless you are happy to just see it for what it is.

 

[KillBoY_UK]

I don't think you quite understood the meaning of FWB. Best of out of that one tbh unless you are happy to just see it for what it is.

I do, I've had them before, sometimes you can't just help but develop feelings

 

[Hades]

Plane is going down. Bail out.

 

[.Lethal]

I do, I've had them before, sometimes you can't just help but develop feelings

I wouldn't write it all out to this girl, it'll achieve nothing for either of you and if anything was to come of it, it'll just make it worse. You've written it all out here and I'd suggest trying to let that be enough.

It's easy to write this down like you did above and think oh I should have said something sooner etc, it's the same for the replies. We aren't involved emotionally and it's easier said than done but the fact you know now again should be more reason for you to move on with your life. You'll meet more fun people.

 

[MikeTheNative]

I do, I've had them before, sometimes you can't just help but develop feelings

If this has happened a few times perhaps it's best you avoid FWB in the future. There's no point hiding your feelings and hoping it will turn into something forever like a romcom. You have to either tell her how you feel or just reduce contact to try get over her.

 

[413x]

If this has happened a few times perhaps it's best you avoid FWB in the future. There's no point hiding your feelings and hoping it will turn into something forever like a romcom. You have to either tell her how you feel or just reduce contact to try get over her.

Indeed
If you get feelings after FWB maybe FWB isn't for you.
It's a choice you need to make. Is it worth it?

I know I could never do it, so never have. Probably missed out but that's life I guess

 

[KillBoY_UK]

If this has happened a few times perhaps it's best you avoid FWB in the future. There's no point hiding your feelings and hoping it will turn into something forever like a romcom. You have to either tell her how you feel or just reduce contact to try get over her.

Sigh, had FWB this first time for this kinda of situation.

I went 10 years with out a date and without other things and turn down FWB's. After being stood up 3 time in a row by three different women last year, I stopped being a prune about and had some fun as I still have needs

Still can't get dates often let alone second dates to have a proper long lasting relationship.

 

[MikeTheNative]

Sigh, had FWB this first time for this kinda of situation.

I went 10 years with out a date and without other things and turn down FWB's. After being stood up 3 time in a row by three different women last year, I stopped being a prune about and had some fun as I still have needs

Still can't get dates often let alone second dates to have a proper long lasting relationship.

You can still have fun with girls just don't keep talking to them/ having around as a 'mate' or you will keep getting into this same situation. If the offer is presents itself again in the future go there a few times but then call it a day before you get feelings again. It may sound a bit sleazy but as long as both parties are aware and upfront about the situation then it's fine.

 

[KillBoY_UK]

You can still have fun with girls just don't keep talking to them/ having around as a 'mate' or you will keep getting into this same situation. If the offer is presents itself again in the future go there a few times but then call it a day before you get feelings again. It may sound a bit sleazy but as long as both parties are aware and upfront about the situation then it's fine.

I know, I'm kinda sick with dating of any form atm. Going to give it all a rest. Its not going to happen ever the more I realise that the more I feel at ease.

 

[Nevakonaza]

Why are women sooooo confusing i dont get it,Soooo quiet today via message just the whole (one or two word responses) again,

I sent her a good morning message this morning,shed seen it..never replied.
She went out for a meal with her family today (i know this as she told me yesterday she was (in person) when we went out all afternoon doing stuff, i then messaged her after dinner asking how her meal was,just got a "was okay" nothing more,then i messaged again about an hour later seen as she obviously wasn't going to reply anything further i asked what shed had,i got a simple (same as before) and again nothing...

You guys are probably thinking she dont like you/friend zone etc ,We have known each other for over 3 years now,2 closely been out a lot and she does like me (so she says) and like anyone we have had ups and downs but thats mainly because of me asking where the bloody hell i stand with her because she will not commit (she dont want to put labels on things) so she says,i have asked her to be my GF,obviously in my head i know what shes doing,keeping me on a back burner maybe ? who knows
lol,But i am growing very tired of her unusual behaviour and just not been able to commit to anything.

 

[secretspy]

I think you kind of answered your own question really ...

She's giving mixed signals, she doesn't want to commit, doesn't want to put a label on things etc

You're chasing her and getting either nothing or one word answers. I did this years ago with a guy, everyone around me said things like "oh he's probably just busy, text him again" etc.

I wish the film "He's just not that into you" had been out at that time because I wouldn't have chased at all and realised sooner that I was wasting my time.

I think you should either back off and see if she chases you and make it clear to her you're done with being held at arms length or try to move on, as much as you probably don't want to. (Personally I'd do the latter)

 

[JBuk]

Why are women sooooo confusing i dont get it,Soooo quiet today via message just the whole (one or two word responses) again,

I sent her a good morning message this morning,shed seen it..never replied.
She went out for a meal with her family today (i know this as she told me yesterday she was (in person) when we went out all afternoon doing stuff, i then messaged her after dinner asking how her meal was,just got a "was okay" nothing more,then i messaged again about an hour later seen as she obviously wasn't going to reply anything further i asked what shed had,i got a simple (same as before) and again nothing...

You guys are probably thinking she dont like you/friend zone etc ,We have known each other for over 3 years now,2 closely been out a lot and she does like me (so she says) and like anyone we have had ups and downs but thats mainly because of me asking where the bloody hell i stand with her because she will not commit (she dont want to put labels on things) so she says,i have asked her to be my GF,obviously in my head i know what shes doing,keeping me on a back burner maybe ? who knows
lol,But i am growing very tired of her unusual behaviour and just not been able to commit to anything.

Sounds like a very one sided friendship / relationship to me

Even if she committed to you I think you would eventually be asking yourself why it’s only ever you putting the effort in . I would start looking to meet other girls and keep her as a friend, nothing more.