The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[GiraffePencils]

I suppose, I just feel like I was chatting to around 4 people regularly, getting on quite well (at least in messages)
Then got on well and met up with this one, and I've lost all motivation to message anyone else

Felt like I've fallen hard for her.
Then I was really open about where I am etc, and I'm not wanting to jump into things and all that, and she was completely understanding and ok with it
WHICH JUST MADE HER SO MUCH COOLER TO ME!!
Oh well, go with the flow I suppose!

 

[rhysduck]

Felt like I've fallen hard for her.
Then I was really open about where I am etc, and I'm not wanting to jump into things and all that, and she was completely understanding and ok with it
WHICH JUST MADE HER SO MUCH COOLER TO ME!!
Oh well, go with the flow I suppose!

How long have you known her / been chatting to her / meeting up with her?

To me it sounds like

.... or your just latching to the first person who's shown you affection?

Be honest with yourself. Do you want to be single for a while? Or do you crave that company that you've now lost from the previous relationship? It'll be good for you being single for a while

 

[GiraffePencils]

I've known her for a week, only met up once to play board games (coz i'm a cool cat)
and we ended up just chilling and playing games, watching tv, getting a takeaway ect all day

This is why I'm asking a group of strangers on the internet, I don't know what I'm doing haha
My best friend's hard to judge because he's been gagging for a wingman for too long

 

[PermaChanged]

You definitely shouldn't have "fallen" after a week, but you're interested in her which is only natural when you're getting along with someone that well.

She's not irreplaceable after a week, and shouldn't be treated as such, especially if you've not poked the fire yet.

 

[snips86x]

I've known her for a week, only met up once to play board games (coz i'm a cool cat)
and we ended up just chilling and playing games, watching tv, getting a takeaway ect all day

This is why I'm asking a group of strangers on the internet, I don't know what I'm doing haha
My best friend's hard to judge because he's been gagging for a wingman for too long

Having been in your situation before (came out of a 9 year relationship 5 years ago, I can totally appreciate how you feel. Thing is though, you're still working through your own grieving process (whether you admit it or not) and these things do take time. Allow yourself space to be comfortable in your own company but enjoy the time you have together. It took me a while to learn that and after everything, I've finally found someone incredible.

Take your time, enjoy the company, don't push it.

 

[GiraffePencils]

Yeah, I think a good thing is neither of us drive (little point in edinburgh) and live on opposite ends
so I've got loads of space, I'm seeing her this weekend again, but we're both working through the week etc so there's no smothering

 

[Roar87]

I've known her for a week, only met up once to play board games (coz i'm a cool cat)
and we ended up just chilling and playing games, watching tv, getting a takeaway ect all day

This is why I'm asking a group of strangers on the internet, I don't know what I'm doing haha
My best friend's hard to judge because he's been gagging for a wingman for too long

There's really no problem here, you don't need permission from anyone, you are free to do whatever you want with this girl. It doesn't matter if you're just out of a relationship.

 

[A2Z]

Felt like I've fallen hard for her.

After one date and one week of talking? Sounds very much like a rebound.

How long have you been single and was it you that ended the last relationship/do you still have feelings?

 

[Jonnybmac]

Having been in your situation before (came out of a 9 year relationship 5 years ago, I can totally appreciate how you feel. Thing is though, you're still working through your own grieving process (whether you admit it or not) and these things do take time. Allow yourself space to be comfortable in your own company but enjoy the time you have together. It took me a while to learn that and after everything, I've finally found someone incredible.

Take your time, enjoy the company, don't push it.

This really. You need to be happy with yourself and not feel like you need someone in your life. Sometimes that need can overpower reality and you generally end up choosing something out of desperation rather than actually fitting with one another despite you thinking it is right. The key thing would be to make sure that they are compatible with you rather than just giving you happiness there and then as all new things are fun to begin with - it is when the novelty wears off.

 

[Megahurtz400]

In a similar vein to @GiraffePencils, is there a "right" time to tell someone you're not looking for a serious relationship?

Just out of a four year relationship and i'm too busy with work, focusing on myself and working out what I want to fully dedicate to a serious relationship, but am not just after ONS or FWB scenario, just want to enjoy time with good people with no pressure of graduating things to the next level yet.

Have been on a date with a really nice girl and we get on great, but feel bad or as if im stringing her along knowing that i'm not wanting anything serious?

 

[Jonnybmac]

In a similar vein to @GiraffePencils, is there a "right" time to tell someone you're not looking for a serious relationship?

Just out of a four year relationship and i'm too busy with work, focusing on myself and working out what I want to fully dedicate to a serious relationship, but am not just after ONS or FWB scenario, just want to enjoy time with good people with no pressure of graduating things to the next level yet.

Have been on a date with a really nice girl and we get on great, but feel bad or as if im stringing her along knowing that i'm not wanting anything serious?

Yes. It is unfair to lead someone on. I told someone I wasn't ready 2 months ago. I explained that I thought I was more ready than I was and didn't want to lead anyone on or cause myself additional stress and since then all we've done is talk through messages. We've become quite close in terms of talking - 4am i was up till this morning talking. If that is all she wants then so be it bonus, but if they are wanting something else then they will either wait or cut it off, and I think it is fair to allow them to leave if they wish or take a risk of them finding someone else whilst they wait.

 

[yer_averagejoe]

I'm in a similar boat to @GiraffePencils, but I'm dealing with rejection right now.

I ended a 10 year relationship last year. It was really hard, basically because nothing was wrong on paper.. it just came to an end. As a clean break for myself I made the decision to emmigrate to New Zealand and I've been here since June. I'm loving it here - I've started to move past my last relationship in the past few months and have been idly using Tinder and Bumble, though not going anywhere with it as I'm honestly just a little bit afraid to start dating again. These apps didn't exist before my last relationship and they just feel a bit impersonal.

In walks this girl - I met her at a bouldering gym I frequent and we spent a few hours chatting that evening and I asked her for her number at the end of the night. She seemed really keen and we chatted for the next few weeks by text, as she was spending time travelling around the south island. When she got back we went to the beach together and had a really nice time but it wasn't explicitly a date so I asked her on a date next time we went climbing. She said yes (again very keen) and by this point I'm feeling good about dating. I'm really attracted to her and the more I learn about her the more attracted I get. We share a lot of interests blah blah blah 'perfect girl'.

So we had a date - took her for a meal and then dessert afterwards. We kissed at the end of the night. I was beaming. Up until this point I'd had my guard up about things - warning myself that she might just be looking for a friend etc. but now I KNOW she likes me. She even said, after I told her I'd like to see her again while saying goodnight, 'I want to see you again too - i wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't!'

So we saw each other again a couple of days later (last night). This time things just felt off. It was more like hanging out with a friend. At the end of the night when I dropped her off she told me she wasn't happy (in general) and wasn't ready to date. I'm a nice guy etc.

I'm floored. I'm taking it pretty hard. It could be that since this is my first attempt at dating in.. 12 years, that I jumped in too fast. I'm not used to being rejected. And I really like her. I don't think that's because she is the first person to show genuine interest in me in a long time.. she was ticking all of the boxes. I guess I just didn't tick hers.

 

[Roar87]

You haven't been rejected, she's just **** testing you, play it off and keep chatting. You probably just came across a little keen that's all. She didn't suddenly find you unattractive over night. Just don't text her for a bit, then suggest going for coffee or something "as friends", then you just flirt with her, etc. It's really good if you can appear like you're busy, have loads of stuff going on, have other people you're hanging out with, aren't really bothered that she's said what she said, even if none of that's true.

 

[wedrum]

So had my 2 girls over tonight.
The eldest brought a phone her mam had gave her but she had not wiped it first.
So I was sorting her roblox out on it and took a look.

Geez what is it with women and their bull ****. Its hes a ***** hes a **** from these other friends of hers in messages. Lol most have never met me.

I've not had a bad word to say about her since we split months ago.
Was trying to be an adult and making it easy for our kids to be ok.

I left her with the house and have my kids staying over at my house twice a week and provide the best I can.

Glad to be out of that *****.
They are a funny breed I tell thee.

 

[Minibiker]

Yeah but you are a ***** @wedrum

Only joking, women can be very odd and confusing at times

 

[RoboCod]

So had my 2 girls over tonight.
The eldest brought a phone her mam had gave her but she had not wiped it first.
So I was sorting her roblox out on it and took a look.

Geez what is it with women and their bull ****. Its hes a ***** hes a **** from these other friends of hers in messages. Lol most have never met me.

I've not had a bad word to say about her since we split months ago.
Was trying to be an adult and making it easy for our kids to be ok.

I left her with the house and have my kids staying over at my house twice a week and provide the best I can.

Glad to be out of that *****.
They are a funny breed I tell thee.

Hopefully you can take it on the chin and just continue to do the right thing by your kids. One of the things that always stood out in my mind from being a kid was my dad repeatedly slagging off my mum when they split. I guess it just lost him some of our respect.

 

[malachi]

So had my 2 girls over tonight.
The eldest brought a phone her mam had gave her but she had not wiped it first.
So I was sorting her roblox out on it and took a look.

Geez what is it with women and their bull ****. Its hes a ***** hes a **** from these other friends of hers in messages. Lol most have never met me.

I've not had a bad word to say about her since we split months ago.
Was trying to be an adult and making it easy for our kids to be ok.

I left her with the house and have my kids staying over at my house twice a week and provide the best I can.

Glad to be out of that *****.
They are a funny breed I tell thee.

Some women just like drama between themselves to make them feel better.

On another note, i finally gave in and joined Tinder last week!

 

[wedrum]

Hopefully you can take it on the chin and just continue to do the right thing by your kids. One of the things that always stood out in my mind from being a kid was my dad repeatedly slagging off my mum when they split. I guess it just lost him some of our respect.

yeh will leave it, ****** me off like just be an adult about things at least for the kids sake.

Some women just like drama between themselves to make them feel better.

On another note, i finally gave in and joined Tinder last week!

true, if it was not for the kids i would be miles away.

 

[RoboCod]

yeh will leave it, ****** me off like just be an adult about things at least for the kids sake.

Absolutely. The only thing you'll gain is the instant feel good factor of slating that bitch. However, you very well know that in the long term it will do you no favours. Play the long game and do everything that makes the kids see you as favourite parent. I guarantee that will break her it's also quite easily achieved... Carry on being amicable and the kids will grow to respect you most. They'll see everything.

Venting here is good also though. Crack on

 

[Jonnybmac]

So had my 2 girls over tonight.
The eldest brought a phone her mam had gave her but she had not wiped it first.
So I was sorting her roblox out on it and took a look.

Geez what is it with women and their bull ****. Its hes a ***** hes a **** from these other friends of hers in messages. Lol most have never met me.

I've not had a bad word to say about her since we split months ago.
Was trying to be an adult and making it easy for our kids to be ok.

I left her with the house and have my kids staying over at my house twice a week and provide the best I can.

Glad to be out of that *****.
They are a funny breed I tell thee.

The problem with this is whilst you can take it on the chin, whats to say your eldest hasn't read those messages? Pretty lax to leave them on a phone you hand to your kid...