Yeah but its far more easier for a woman, with no kids to date a man with kids. As the man wont be a full time parent.
Plenty of weekend/part-time dads, I haven't met a weekend/part-time mother yet.
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The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Yeah but its far more easier for a woman, with no kids to date a man with kids. As the man wont be a full time parent.
Plenty of weekend/part-time dads, I haven't met a weekend/part-time mother yet.
Soldato
I think that's a mixture of resource issues and societal expectations. I must admit, I actually feel sorry for my friends who don't have kids (by choice). Yes they have more holidays and a bit more free time, but I always think that at some point in their life there will be regret. I don't necessarily think they'd want any sympathy, but in my head once your partner dies you're potentially alone until you go, which would be quite sad imo.
I only feel sorry for people such as my brother and my friend who wives cant have kids. If its their choice then nope but there are 100's of reasons why a person doesn't want kids.
Associate
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Yeah as you say there are plenty of reasons people have.
I genuinely can't think of one positive reason for me personally to have them.
I don't know why I feel like that, but they've never appealed.
I don't want to get married either lol
Any of the people that don't want children also against getting married??
I have met plenty of women who do not want kids or marriage but I have never met a woman who doesn't want both. Its either both, one or the other.
Soldato
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- 22 Nov 2007
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Me and my gf are getting marries but we don't want kids.
@malachi i do kind of agree that one day i may regret it. But i think it would be too stressful both financially and mentally for me to have kids so its a no. Im about 5,2 , and lifes reasonably good but i had to overcome a-lot of barriers for that to happen.
Would i want to bring up a kid who had to go through the same experiences? I’m not sure, it can make you it break you.
@malachi i do kind of agree that one day i may regret it. But i think it would be too stressful both financially and mentally for me to have kids so its a no. Im about 5,2 , and lifes reasonably good but i had to overcome a-lot of barriers for that to happen.
Would i want to bring up a kid who had to go through the same experiences? I’m not sure, it can make you it break you.
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I have high standards, in what way? I don't see why my post count has anything to do with that?
Soldato
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I have high standards, in what way? I don't see why my post count has anything to do with that?
yeah i deleted that, sounded a bit knobbish. Sorry
Its better not to have kids if your never going to see them or hardly see them. In some cases the mothers turn the kids against there fathers and the kid ends up hating them. I can't be bothered with any of this. I have enough to deal with in my life and I will not regret not having children one single bit.
When I had kids with the ex, I never thought for one second that the relationship would become so toxic, physically and emotionally abusive and then end. Also with everything I'd heard about her own parents I never thought that she would do to me and the kids what her Mum and Dad did to her. How bloody stupid I was!
She's turned my son against me, but then he's genuinely become a vile little **** in his own right, who cannot be trusted. Serious stuff has gone on there that is utterlyunforgivable. And my eldest daughter, from that relationship, lives with me the majority of the time is put through hell about me from the entirety of her Mums family. It's disgusting and unfair. I love those two kids but there's a huge part of me that wishes I'd never had them. That abhorrent psychopath would have been just a memory gratefully forgotten and those kids would never have suffered.
Compare that relationship to my current one and the difference really is night and day. My youngest daughter appears atleast to have a great life and the missus has treated my other two like they where her own from day 1. With the right person having kids is great, with the wrong one it's hell!
She's turned my son against me, but then he's genuinely become a vile little **** in his own right, who cannot be trusted. Serious stuff has gone on there that is utterlyunforgivable. And my eldest daughter, from that relationship, lives with me the majority of the time is put through hell about me from the entirety of her Mums family. It's disgusting and unfair. I love those two kids but there's a huge part of me that wishes I'd never had them. That abhorrent psychopath would have been just a memory gratefully forgotten and those kids would never have suffered.
Compare that relationship to my current one and the difference really is night and day. My youngest daughter appears atleast to have a great life and the missus has treated my other two like they where her own from day 1. With the right person having kids is great, with the wrong one it's hell!
Commissario
I’m posting this on behalf of another member who wants to remain anonymous:
“The long and short of it is that is that I want to leave my wife. But it’s the usual story, we have two kids who I can’t bear to be away from and are the only things keeping me in this house and a mortgage.
I’m looking for advice on other dads who have done it and how they coped”
“The long and short of it is that is that I want to leave my wife. But it’s the usual story, we have two kids who I can’t bear to be away from and are the only things keeping me in this house and a mortgage.
I’m looking for advice on other dads who have done it and how they coped”
I tried staying together with my wife, I planned to up and leave once the youngest was 7. Everything at home was civil and like a family, just with less love between the parents. Anyway, she did me over, got me arrested, stole a whole load of my money, but worst of all she took my kids away.
After taking nearly two years off work being a stay at home Dad, I woke up one morning to find no one home - It was 5 months until I got to hold my children again, over a year before I got to keep them overnight and that was after only being allowed to see them, supervised, once a week for 2 hrs in a contact centre for like 8 months. They believe whatever the women says, regardless of whether you prove her lying or not.
Still fighting. Spent £130-140k on lawyers already and still haven't got 50:50. System is weighted against the father, no matter how bad the mother is.
I'm sure others have a happy ending to share, but I was in your situation and wish I'd seperated on my own terms, not her lies.
After taking nearly two years off work being a stay at home Dad, I woke up one morning to find no one home - It was 5 months until I got to hold my children again, over a year before I got to keep them overnight and that was after only being allowed to see them, supervised, once a week for 2 hrs in a contact centre for like 8 months. They believe whatever the women says, regardless of whether you prove her lying or not.
Still fighting. Spent £130-140k on lawyers already and still haven't got 50:50. System is weighted against the father, no matter how bad the mother is.
I'm sure others have a happy ending to share, but I was in your situation and wish I'd seperated on my own terms, not her lies.
@Feek whoever the poor guy is, he has my sympathy. This is hell, I know.
The truth is most stories go similar to @Le Clandestin Brun and mine. The family courts, cafcass and social services are all heavily biased in favour of the mother. It's really quite sickening.
It's been almost exactly 10 years since I left the ex and she's still constantly causing problems wherever she can. My current situation regarding this is not easy. She managed to alienate my son from me completely. The stuff he says and believes about me never took place and doesn't even make sense but he refuses to be in my life. He's had me interviewed under caution, twice because of false accusations encouraged by his mother.
My eldest daughter spends 60% of her time with me, and that's despite evidence of her Mother and brother being violent towards her and constant bullying to try and turn her against me. The poor kid is a mess but my hands are tied with a court order and unless she comes home with bruises I'm court ordered to send her back each week. I've tried everything to help her.
I should have taken them with me when I left but that evil **** had me utterly convinced I had no rights to my own children.
Do I regret leaving though, not at all. I put up with years of emotional, psychological and physical abuse because I didn't want to leave my kids. Had I stayed any longer I believe very strongly I'd of ended up taking my own life. I came very close, even had a plan I tried acting on.
I couldn't imagine not seeing them everyday but I realised my continuing presence in that household was worse. They were seeing what was going on, seeing me suicidal and broken. It took me about 6 months to see them again and there's been periods of a year or more where I've been falsely accused and not been able to see them. The point is though despite everything I keep fighting for them and my daughter knows it you'll be surprised at what you can get used to for your kids.
I promise you they pick up on your unhappiness and arguments with your wife etc. If there's absolutely no chance of reconciliation (I don't know your circumstances) then you need to split as amicably as possible and above all else get yourself the best family solicitor you can find.
Amicable splits are not always possible, especially when personality disorders are involved. Only you can say whether she's going to be an evil **** for the rest of the 18yrs or if she's a normal person who wants the best for their kids.
This is generic advice for all, but if the former then collect as much evidence as you can of any manipulation, abuse, lies, accusations etc., then ensure you lead the divorce and any lives with orders. If you take the lead, with evidence, the courts magically become on your side - although they will still give her a lot more leeway than they would you if the situation were reversed.
Father's for justice has been an eye-opener of just how bad Dad's have it, but are also full of advice. If I'd spoken to them before she took the kids I'd have them at least 50:50 and would have remained their primary carer. [Edit: although F4J are a great legal resource I would refrain from using their legal representation simply due to the fact the family courts do not like F4J at all.]
If you feel it will be a more amicable split, I'd still recommend getting advice from somewhere like Families Need Fathers just to aid / advise you through process. They may recommend mediation which is a much cleaner way of proceeding.
**** lawyers. Complete money scrounging ***** that don't give a damn about any impact their shoddy work or blatant lies have on your children. If you do go to court prepare for things to drag, cost **** loads, and not change much initially, so get legal aid or whatever whenever you can -just don't waste your money on those bottom feeding pricks.
Stay strong, stay positive, look forward. There is help and advice out there to facilitate a much more equal split than you think. All the best, everyone.
This is generic advice for all, but if the former then collect as much evidence as you can of any manipulation, abuse, lies, accusations etc., then ensure you lead the divorce and any lives with orders. If you take the lead, with evidence, the courts magically become on your side - although they will still give her a lot more leeway than they would you if the situation were reversed.
Father's for justice has been an eye-opener of just how bad Dad's have it, but are also full of advice. If I'd spoken to them before she took the kids I'd have them at least 50:50 and would have remained their primary carer. [Edit: although F4J are a great legal resource I would refrain from using their legal representation simply due to the fact the family courts do not like F4J at all.]
If you feel it will be a more amicable split, I'd still recommend getting advice from somewhere like Families Need Fathers just to aid / advise you through process. They may recommend mediation which is a much cleaner way of proceeding.
**** lawyers. Complete money scrounging ***** that don't give a damn about any impact their shoddy work or blatant lies have on your children. If you do go to court prepare for things to drag, cost **** loads, and not change much initially, so get legal aid or whatever whenever you can -just don't waste your money on those bottom feeding pricks.
Stay strong, stay positive, look forward. There is help and advice out there to facilitate a much more equal split than you think. All the best, everyone.
Man of Honour
You've had some bad luck
Out of 1000s of people I know I don't know of any bad break ups and all were amicable involving kids etc.
I've obviously seen Facebook friends dishing the dirt on there.
My Mum gave my Dad rights to see my Sister anytime but when she was 16 she took him to Court to say she wanted nothing to do with him.
My Sister in Law will entertain her ex (my ex music partner) and sometimes her new husband and his wife will go for meals.
My Nephew gets on with his ex wife and can have the kids anytime he wants however his new wife doesn't like him seeing her.
Her Mum and Dad are divorced but they often turn up at the same parties & meals with their new husband/wife.
A work colleague had a terrible controlling marriage but when she got out also gave him full rights even though she had a right to be a bitch.
To be honest I could name at least 10 more who are close but it digs deep when I see a Facebook Friend saying they haven't seen their kids for 3 years or can only see them once a month for two hours supervised - there's some evil women out there.
You've had some bad luck
Out of 1000s of people I know I don't know of any bad break ups and all were amicable involving kids etc.
I've obviously seen Facebook friends dishing the dirt on there.
My Mum gave my Dad rights to see my Sister anytime but when she was 16 she took him to Court to say she wanted nothing to do with him.
My Sister in Law will entertain her ex (my ex music partner) and sometimes her new husband and his wife will go for meals.
My Nephew gets on with his ex wife and can have the kids anytime he wants however his new wife doesn't like him seeing her.
Her Mum and Dad are divorced but they often turn up at the same parties & meals with their new husband/wife.
A work colleague had a terrible controlling marriage but when she got out also gave him full rights even though she had a right to be a bitch.
To be honest I could name at least 10 more who are close but it digs deep when I see a Facebook Friend saying they haven't seen their kids for 3 years or can only see them once a month for two hours supervised - there's some evil women out there.
Evil is a total understatement for pieces of **** like the ex in my case. I do see amicable splits too but they're the exception rather than the rule it seems.
I honestly believe in my case, this battle as she sees it is the only thing in her life that holds any meaning. If she "won" and turned my daughter against me, so I wasn't seeing either child. She would get bored and start demanding I be an active father. She tries this every so often over my son, problem is she's done such a good job of warping his mind he won't even speak to me, let alone show me utter disrespect and tirades of verbal abuse. The saddest thing is, my son is special needs. He has adhd, attachment disorders and other learning difficulties. His therapist marked that is very easily misled etc so I don't believe he'll ever see the truth and remember the real me. It has also been confirmed that a lot of his difficulties have presented because of the crap his mother is proven to do. Yet as his father I get no support.
Some sad stories here and best of luck to those affected.
Just saw what @SexyGreyFox posted and it reminded me of a colleague from a few years back. Her Dad and Step Dad (current partner of the Mum just to be clear) would go on 2 week motorbiking tours of Europe together every year. Still haven't got my head around it and do wonder wtf they discussed...
Just saw what @SexyGreyFox posted and it reminded me of a colleague from a few years back. Her Dad and Step Dad (current partner of the Mum just to be clear) would go on 2 week motorbiking tours of Europe together every year. Still haven't got my head around it and do wonder wtf they discussed...
It's honestly nice when things can be like that, putting the needs of the child first. Co parenting properly etc. It's just unfortunate most people aren't like that.
All I wanted was to stay in my kids lives, yes I've made some mistakes that haven't helped matters but I've tried time and time again to be civil for rhe sake of the kids and to be as flexible as possible but it's never worked. So it's the court order or nothing in my case. Some people just can't be reasoned with.
Accidentally walked past a girl I was attracted to today, I happened to look straight at her and she immediately turned her head sideways. I know this means she’s not attracted to me and I feel kind of sad about it but there’s plenty more fish in the sea. I know I’m just average looks wise, I wouldn’t be good enough for her.
She gets plenty of attention from men and can afford to be choosy. I suffer from mental health related problems too. Just a feeling of sadness at seeing her again and I wish I hadn’t.
She gets plenty of attention from men and can afford to be choosy. I suffer from mental health related problems too. Just a feeling of sadness at seeing her again and I wish I hadn’t.