The worst situation in the world....

bloodiedathame · 2 Nov 2010 at 14:51

Call the police.

jp_bl_68 · 2 Nov 2010 at 14:53

Waddle around the house, trousers around your ankles, until you find a box of tissues.

I have done this before.

Morbius · 2 Nov 2010 at 14:55

Ahleckz said:
Unscrew the shower head, squat in shower and squirt water up your bum.

Showers don't have filters in so that method stands a good chance of contaminating the water supply. You're also liable if that happens.

randal · 2 Nov 2010 at 14:58

I pop out clean cutters, any wiping is just a courtesy.

mrk · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:01

I once had to emergency poop while on the road so managed to hightale it to the nearest Tesco superstore and while I was pooping realised that the TP was not there in the roll holder.

I had to wait for some bloke to enter the cubicle next door and ask for a bundle of TP to be lobbed over the top, breaking the man-code for loo etiquette is only allowed during such a sh!tuation!

Pestilence · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:02

Confirm that there's loo roll before you squat and release? How hard is it? :confused:

The wife does this all the time...just charges in and plonks right on the bog. Part of the defecation routine is recon!

Cosimo · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:03

Flush you down the toilet. Next scenario please.

Cuchulain · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:04

I never pinch logs when I'm out, if I'm at home I can just wander around the house sans pants until I find something suitable to wipe with.

Pestilence · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:07

Tractor like a dog.

mrk · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:08

Cuchulain said:
I never pinch logs when I'm out, if I'm at home I can just wander around the house sans pants until I find something suitable to wipe with.

Even when you have a slightly drippy one?

:-o

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Journey · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:09

Use a lota?

In other words wipe your backside with your hand and some water from the sink, then wash hands. Hardly a disaster, believe me the parents on here will tell you a babys nappy is way worse that this.

DRZ · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:10

Morbius said:
Showers don't have filters in so that method stands a good chance of contaminating the water supply. You're also liable if that happens.

What?

antijoke · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:11

If all else fails, socks.

GJ02 · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:12

i bet this thread gets locked by mods
mine did, and i only asked what do you do on the bog ( read, laptop, games, or quick on off )

Pestilence · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:13

GJ02 said:
i bet this thread gets locked by mods
mine did, and i only asked what do you do on the bog ( read, laptop, games, or crack one off )

Fixed.

Dutch Guy · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:19

Use the three seashells (guess what movie this is from)

mrk · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:20

Teddy Bear.

That film

J1234 · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:21

ALWAYS look and see if there is enough roll left. Luckily I've never run out at a time like that. There's always tissues in a bedroom or something.

Skidder · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:22

call my wife and make her get me some (for about the 50th time)

Morgoth · 2 Nov 2010 at 15:26

Morbius said:
Showers don't have filters in so that method stands a good chance of contaminating the water supply. You're also liable if that happens.

Mesa no understandy!!