Thursday morning "joke"

Raumarik

Raumarik

Raumarik

Soldato
Joined
14 Jul 2003
Posts
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A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and he looks into his small bowl. It is empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells,
"For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you
idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first......
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house......
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee......
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away......
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants......
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table......
It was Mummy Bear who put the bloody cats out, cleaned the litter boxes, gave the cats their food, and refilled their water.
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear- ***** downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....

I HAVEN'T MADE THE ******* PORRIDGE YET !!!!"
 
ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say.""Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads."
 
doubt.gif
...

Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Irishman glanced around behind in and said ....

"Oh my, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax"
 
Ken said:
doubt.gif
...

Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Irishman glanced around behind in and said ....

"Oh my, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax"
Click to expand...

OMG.
 
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