Uh-oh a girl thread...

[GordyR]

If you want to keep her in your life as a friend, go for it. Don't listen to the majority of posters here spouting clichés, there's every chance the friendship could work out. If you can put your romantic interest aside and the feelings subside, it can work. But if your feelings only grow, then maybe it's time to consider cutting her out of your life for your own benefit.

I genuinely don't mean this in a derogatory way whatsoever but are you female Kazz?

If so, you will see the problem from a very different point of view, which of course is as valuable as the rest of ours.

However, when it comes to these matters women tend to have an inability to realise what it is they actually do and what it is they actually respond to. As an example, how many times have you heard a girl say "ohhh I just want a guy to treat me right" then every time she finds one she kicks him to the kerb calling him clingy or boring etc and heads straight for the nearest guy who treats her like crap all over again.

It's nature I suppose... Wanting what you can't have. While this only has loose relevance here it is indicative of my point, women often do not realise just what they are doing or why they are doing it.

Being 'friends' with the girl will push her further away. It is a simple fact. Certainly from a romantic perspective.

 

[Dj_Jestar]

I genuinely don't mean this in a derogatory way whatsoever but are you female Kazz?

If so, you will see the problem from a very different point of view, which of course is as valuable as the rest of ours.

However, when it comes to these matters women tend to have an inability to realise what it is they actually do and what it is they actually respond to. As an example, how many times have you heard a girl say "ohhh I just want a guy to treat me right" then every time she finds one she kicks him to the kerb calling him clingy or boring etc and heads straight for the nearest guy who treats her like crap all over again.

It's nature I suppose... Wanting what you can't have. While this only has loose relevance here it is indicative of my point, women often do not realise just what they are doing or why they are doing it.

Being 'friends' with the girl will push her further away. It is a simple fact. Certainly from a romantic perspective.

The very same is true of men..

 

[rypt]

However, when it comes to these matters women tend to have an inability to realise what it is they actually do and what it is they actually respond to.

Trying to read women and what they actually want is freaking impossible, and I'm generally half decent at it!

 

[rypt]

will try to cockblock you when you're flirting with another girl in her presence, even if she isn't attracted to you, she will resent losing out to another girl.

I have a feeling I'm going to be facing this tonight, a girl invited me out to what should be a pretty decent party - but I'm not really interested in her beyond being friends (but I'm pretty sure she is interested in me).
I need her tonight though because if I go alone to the party I'd feel out of place but that is only because it's an oriental night (the girl is Japanese) so I'm going to be like only of a handful of white guys or girls there, and none of my buddies were interested in going

 

[GordyR]

The very same is true of men..

I dont disagree, but the advice of a woman not in the girls situation in this instance is likely to be more skewed to how she feels things 'should' be rather than how they actually are. The same could be said for if the op was a girl asking about advice regarding a bloke. Other women with experience on how to handle those men would probably be better positioned to offer advice.

I'm well aware I will probably get some flak for this... And my intention is certainly not to offend. But there is an important differentiation between using your head and your heart.

To a woman on the outside, the problem is simple, you just continue being friends. It seems logical and makes sense.

But to any guy with any experience in dealing with these situations, he knows it is the worst possible thing you can do if you actually have feelings for someone. Because those very same women that are using their head right now will actually rely far more on their hearts when it comes to actual decision time.

The simple truth is... What seems logical to a girl outside the situation is usually completely at odds with what a girl in the situation feels.

Lastly, i'm finding it very difficult to articulate my point here in writing and I apologise if it hasn't come across as intended.

 

[NeverWinter]

Haha, i'm kind of waiting for you to publish a book Gordy

 

[GordyR]

Haha, i'm kind of waiting for you to publish a book Gordy

LOL...

 

[Kazz]

I genuinely don't mean this in a derogatory way whatsoever but are you female Kazz?

Nup, although the long hair could be deceiving I guess .

As an example, how many times have you heard a girl say "ohhh I just want a guy to treat me right" then every time she finds one she kicks him to the kerb calling him clingy or boring etc and heads straight for the nearest guy who treats her like crap all over again.

It's nature I suppose... Wanting what you can't have. While this only has loose relevance here it is indicative of my point, women often do not realise just what they are doing or why they are doing it.

Oh yes, I had a very good friend like that . Unlike the OP there was no romantic interest between us, but she picked some right pillocks that fitted that bill. Some people just have poor taste in a potential partners.

Being 'friends' with the girl will push her further away. It is a simple fact. Certainly from a romantic perspective.

Not a fact in my books, you can predict human nature but you never know what the outcome will be in the end, in this case what the friend really thinks about the whole situation.

But yes, if the romantic feelings stay the same, she'll sense them and over time there's a good chance it will push her away.


Ahh...females. All fun and games ey? .

 

[Craig R]

I have a feeling I'm going to be facing this tonight, a girl invited me out to what should be a pretty decent party - but I'm not really interested in her beyond being friends (but I'm pretty sure she is interested in me).
I need her tonight though because if I go alone to the party I'd feel out of place but that is only because it's an oriental night (the girl is Japanese) so I'm going to be like only of a handful of white guys or girls there, and none of my buddies were interested in going

So you feel you need to use this girl in order to create racial balance at a party?

WTF

 

[NeverWinter]

So you feel you need to use this girl in order to create racial balance at a party?

WTF

I think he's using the girl to create a racial balance in his sex life...

 

[Surfer]

If you want to keep her in your life as a friend, go for it. Don't listen to the majority of posters here spouting clichés, there's every chance the friendship could work out. If you can put your romantic interest aside and the feelings subside, it can work. But if your feelings only grow, then maybe it's time to consider cutting her out of your life for your own benefit.

I've been over her for months (actually in another mind game battle with another woman - better prospect though!)

So anyway yeah i was willing to keep her in my life as a friend. In my view that though turned out to be a bit of a sham...and i dont see the point in continuing some kind of text/email/online friendship when real friendship never got off the ground...