was i justified in what i said?

[Moredhel]

Way I look at it is this: You barely know her, hadn't seen her since 2001 and most likely won't see her again for a few years.

What you said was funny, especially as she ended up crying.

In my mind the combination of not knowing them and it being funny more than justifies the comment.

 

[jakeke]

He pretty much said that she had her first husband and their first 2 kids in the 20's and then one from her 30's.

Sounds like repeating the same mistake she did with the first 2.

Are you always so judgemental?

Very strange for you to act like you know so much about her when all you know about her is a few lines from here.

What if both fathers died from accidents/illness? You know nothing.

 

[matthab]

Thats great 100+ man points for spelling it out for her. I hate people like that!

This threads a lot better than the one a week agao where he tried to get his ex to care he had a car crash. Then cried about it on here .

 

[snowdog]

Are you always so judgemental?

Very strange for you to act like you know so much about her when all you know about her is a few lines from here.

What if both fathers died from accidents/illness? You know nothing.

Yeah, right ...

i didn't start to criticise her lifestyle choices until she criticised mine, and that's what she was doing; criticising. i know it may sound a bit tit for tat but i felt she had no right to do it. i live a humble life, i only have to look after myself and i am quite happy with that. i don't want to be in her position when i'm in my late 30's (drinking in pubs) so i will do it now at an age i feel comfortable with. essentially she screwed up, has 3 kids by 2 different men and a marriage under her belt, all before she is 40. bottom line is, this happened because she did it too young. now, i would have quite happily kept these opinions to myself but her attitude prompted me to tell her a few home truths. i'm sure her crying was a sign of the truths hitting home, i just with i'd have got the ''who's looking after your kids right now'' comment in. harsh i know but screw it, i owed it to myself to speak up for myself.

The op would have worded his post differently if it was a different situation. the point is, she ****ed up her life, and thinks she has the right to criticism OP's lifestyle, while he has done nothing wrong, in fact he has done everything right but the woman stupidly thought he did not.

I also feel strongly about the whole kids thing, I definitely do not want kids before 32-35, and I completely detest it when people are trying to convince me otherwise, saying that's too late. I want to earn some money for myself and spend it on myself for at least a decade after uni... After that it's the kids stage, but before that comes, no way in hell I want to be responsible for a little kid, I'd probably fail as a dad, I can barely care for myself well ( as in healthy) let alone a kid.

 

[DAnDan]

Are you always so judgemental?

Very strange for you to act like you know so much about her when all you know about her is a few lines from here.

What if both fathers died from accidents/illness? You know nothing.

The chance of that happening is very small, even without the way the OP worded it, so I think people are safe to assume the most likely situation is the one that happened.

 

[[ASSE]Hinchy]

Which one did happen by the way? Because I'm yet to see anything describing what did happen with her exes other than "she did it too young", which doesn't actually give ANYTHING away.

As for "people are safe to assume", why? Why can you assume that it was all her own fault. For all you know, she could have been ridiculously happy and then had the two guys screw her over..

I'm actually shocked so many responses are so positive for the OP when he STILL hasn't even said what she said to provoke such an aggressively defensive response.

 

[DAnDan]

Which one did happen by the way? Because I'm yet to see anything describing what did happen with her exes other than "she did it too young", which doesn't actually give ANYTHING away.

As for "people are safe to assume", why?

I'm actually shocked so many responses are so positive for the OP when he STILL hasn't even said what she said to provoke such an aggressively defensive response.

If you don't know which one happened, out of a choice of a few, your best bet is to pick the most likely one. Statistics .

 

[[ASSE]Hinchy]

Ok. My best bet is that the OP completely overreacted to a harmless joke and ended up looking a ****, hence the response he got from her and her friends.

That is based on what we KNOW he said, and not what we're assuming she did..

 

[snowdog]

I'm actually shocked so many responses are so positive for the OP when he STILL hasn't even said what she said to provoke such an aggressively defensive response.

She has critiqued the OP's life (for actually no reason, his life is probably great with no responsibility's and ****) while hers is a mess ( responsible for 3 kids). SHE was provoking him in an aggressive way, OP simply responded in the same way.

eg:

she seemed to think that as i'm 30 that this was a bit weird and did start giving me a bit of grief about it.

yes. i am uncomfortable with her taking it upon herself to criticise my lifestyle choice when she has made such a mess of hers.

i summised it by saying she said some very critical things and had a sharp tone.

i didn't start to criticise her lifestyle choices until she criticised mine, and that's what she was doing; criticising. i know it may sound a bit tit for tat

Give a guy crap about a lifestyle he loves and of course he is going to reply with crap to the offender.

hence the response he got from her and her friends.

She responded in tears because well, she knows it's true, it's a classic ( surprised you have so little experience with this, a lot of people do this), make your own life feel better for yourself by slagging/criticizing others, she got what she deserved because of an eye for an eye.
Her friend(s) should be in prison if he was wanting a fight outside because OP retaliated verbally to the way she critiqued him. Sounds like an aggressive ''Gorilla'' type. ''Take it outside'', ridiculous... No doubt he has done it before and been in fights.

She critiqued his lifestyle whist being in no position to do it, if she was rich, successful, with a husband and 3 kids, then yeah, go ahead. Single mother with 3 kids from 2 fathers none of which are still with her, fix your own damn problems before commenting on others

 

[[ASSE]Hinchy]

But you don't know what she said though. I know people that take serious offence to even the most light hearted comment, and see it as an attack on them. They then respond with a stabbing comment designed specifically to hurt the other person, even if the other person was only trying to have fun with them.

I'm not saying that she is innocent as I wasn't there either, but for everyone to automatically jump on the girls back and praise this guy when we have no idea whether or not what she actually said deserved it. In my opinion of course.

 

[[ASSE]Hinchy]

She responded in tears because well, she knows it's true, it's a classic ( surprised you have so little experience with this, a lot of people do this),

I went out with someone like that for two years, but that has also shown me the way she reacted to people trying to have a laugh with her which is what I'm suggesting could have happened to the OP, so I have more than enough experience of it thanks

 

[snowdog]

I went out with someone like that for two years, but that has also shown me the way she reacted to people trying to have a laugh with her which is what I'm suggesting could have happened to the OP, so I have more than enough experience of it thanks

I was referring to the bit after it not the bit before it ( admittedly I could have worded it better):

it's a classic ( surprised you have so little experience with this, a lot of people do this), make your own life feel better for yourself by slagging/criticizing others,

People try to get other people to talk about their problems, or are finding/pointing out problems, only to make themselves feel better because of theirs.


To me it sounds like:
Woman feels bad about her life, finds people who have done it differently and slags them off to feel better.
''people'' (OP) React actively.
Woman feels even worse and learned a lesson to not critique peoples lives.

 

[[ASSE]Hinchy]

Yeah, she did that too

Plus the question of the thread is "Was I justified in what I said?".

No-one can answer that fairly without knowing EXACTLY what he was responding to! This is the only point I am trying to make here. For all we know she was having a laugh, not slagging off/criticising him.

 

[snowdog]

Yeah, she did that too


Plus the question of the thread is "Was I justified in what I said?".

No-one can answer that fairly without knowing EXACTLY what he was responding to! This is the only point I am trying to make here. For all we know she was having a laugh, not slagging off/criticising him.

Ah fair enough, from the OP's posts it sounds like she said something inappropriate to him as he was clearly offended by it. And I can certainly find myself in his response.

 

[cm1179]

Yeah, she did that too

Plus the question of the thread is "Was I justified in what I said?".

No-one can answer that fairly without knowing EXACTLY what he was responding to! This is the only point I am trying to make here. For all we know she was having a laugh, not slagging off/criticising him.

fair point, i suppose if i am asking if i was 'justified' i could have given a bit more info but i can't remember the complete conversation but i wouldn't have reacted like this if i didn't feel the need to. she was essentially saying that at my age, i should be in a relationship at the least, preferably (in her view) i should be married and reproduced by 30! that was what she was saying and was extremely shocked to find why i found this a little strange. i don''t know why her husband left her but she said about the second fella who gave her a 3rd child ''how was i supposed to look after 3 children and him, i can't'' so that would leave me to believe he was more interested in going out as opposed to being a dad. this is what i like to do, i like to have no responsibility but myself and will do the whole marriage and children thing if or when i am ready and with the right person. then, i will stop going to the pub, stop buying luxuries and essentially kiss any disposable income goodbye but right now, this is not something i am ready to do.