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Ways to make your boring office job fun #1. Blatent animal cruelty.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by britboy4321, Mar 26, 2010.

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  1. britboy4321


    Joined: Dec 10, 2008

    Posts: 4,080

    Location: London

    Bored at work? Got 2 like-minded friends that sit close (and a boss thats nice)? Don't mind a bit of blatent cruelty to make the day pass quicker? Ultra geek/nerd? Got about £20 each to burn?



    Here's the operational parameters:

    Buy 3 ants farms, ideally in 3 different colours.

    Ensure you get the type with 'expandability' sections so you can put piping in and connect multiple farms together.

    http://kidsscienceclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/vintage-ant-farm.gif no hotlinking!

    Buy 3 different types of ants, each with a single 'queen'. You can buy them through the post off t'net, they are very cheap. They HAVE TO be different 'species' of ant. You want about 100 ants of each type, 1 queen each. You have to agree to three species with relatively similar 'stats' (so no 'African killer about 1 inch long' monsters!)

    Buy 25 metres of tubing, all see through (can you see where this is going yet :) ),

    Set up one ant farm on each desk, with the sand/gel, food, water etc. as specified in the instructions. Easy. If you're remotely inventive, label your with your 'base' name (I called mine 'Lord of the ants').

    Connect see-through tubing to all three farms, but not just direct, actually putting tubing round the most interesting places possible (in front of keyboard as 'wrist-rest'. Round the outside of monitors, through the internals of your PC and out the other side if you're feeling adventerous etc.) There should be multiple ways to get from each ant nest, to the other ant nest - so you may want to buy a couple of 'pipe dividers' frmo any DIY shop.. The RTS 'map' is complete.

    Add ants only to their own specific bases. They don't know each other exists at this point!

    Watch with childlike amazement and excitement as the ultimate incredible real life RTS occurs.

    Stage 1: At the start is base building stage. The ants will dig little tunnels in 'their nest' and create little caverns. Label these caverns things like 'War factory' and 'Barracks' for added pleasure (told you it was ultra-geeky). This stage takes about 3 weeks. Get over-excited each morning as you arrive to work and announce loudly to your mates 'Whoa, my boys have got themselves a level 3 barracks upgrade - they must have dug it last night' etc. Your mates may well answer 'I'm not worried mate, my biggest cavern, 'the monolith', has expanded by about 15%'

    Stage 2 (about 2 weeks later) is exploration. Watch as they take their first tentitive steps round the tubes, as you're typing on occassion you'll see the brave members of your 'tribe' pass under your wrists, or round your monitor - exciting stuff, you feel just so proud seeing the little fellas leave the base on those early reccy missions (at this point if you recognise any of your ants it is time to name them things like 'Corporal tenticle' and 'Captain insect-head' to aid in telling your mates - er - human foes where they have 'reached'. ('OMG Corporal Tentical has just reached intersection 'Delta 5' and is heading for .. wait for it .. WAIT FOR IT ... BLUE'S BASE! Whoa!)

    Stage 3 - WAR. Different types of ants when they meet DO NOT PLAY NICE, AT ALL! THEY FIGHT, TO THE DEATH! When they meet, basically, it quickly turns into a mad running hand to hand battle to the death. Experience the awesomeness the amazing long-term battle .. the hunting, the strategy (there are 3 bases, who attacks who? Does green take advantage of a poorly defended red base as most of red is attacking blue?) the running and hiding, the death, the destruction, different tactics used (including a huge 3 way battle that happened under my wrists (my anty wrist-rest) as I was typing some SQL script!! Madness.).

    Stage 3.5 Get told off by boss for not doing enough work and the constant 'WHOA counter-attack started on green' type comments flying between nerds.

    Stage 4 - END GAME. After about a month the 'green' army (Phil who works opposite) was in my base, busy having a huge PvP (AvA?) in my labelled 'barracks', when for the first time my 'Queen' ant entered the fray (perhaps the most exciting thing that has happened in my entire life to this point! ;) ). WHOA She was a mental character - an UBER-ANT with all UBER-SUPER-PINCER gear! , killing scores of greens enemy ants, at which point they retreated, because 'Blue', seeing their opportunity, was attacking their base.

    It was bizarre - when ants killed opposition ants, they were dragging them back to their queen to feed on! It was minging. Also 'dead ant's mates' were trying to save his corpse and take it back to their base for honourable buriel in a cavern I labelled 'the Mortuary' (they didn't eat their own).

    It was, quite frankly, an awesome month odd.. highly recommended. And of course incredibly cruel. Red ended up winning. We've just put £4 in each to buy the 'next species' for 'Operation: Office WAR - Ant Attack 2 - When worlds collide'' (With different map configuration as well)! Silly? yes. Makes dull work about 10 times better? Yup..

    And of course, I am the saddest guy I know!!

    (All threads like this always get loads of insults, here's my predicted ones:

    1) Britboy are you like, 5?
    2) That is so cruel you're an idiot
    3) Your workplace must be very boring, glad I don't work there
    4) Sounds lame can't believe I just bothered reading that
    5) OMG I thought I was a nerd but that is the saddest thing I have ever read ..
    6) Pics or it didn't happen/I call BS/Blah blah

    Lets see how we go .. :)
  2. robgmun


    Joined: Apr 30, 2006

    Posts: 13,457

    7) All the ants go on strike for unfair treatment and tries to setup a socialist party. Nothing gets done and they all strave to death
  3. Tom0


    Joined: Aug 29, 2003

    Posts: 9,623

    Location: South Wales

    8) I'm a troll
  4. Cosimo

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Jan 9, 2007

    Posts: 163,197

    Location: Londinium

    I’d say 7. :p

    Don’t forget that they will come after you when they escape. ;)
  5. Lamo


    Joined: Apr 14, 2006

    Posts: 681

    Location: Scotland - North Ayrshire

    Amazing great work...........
  6. Morgoth


    Joined: Dec 1, 2003

    Posts: 5,128

    Location: West Lothian, Scotland

    This sounds like the most stupid...ly awesome idea!
  7. Guru


    Joined: Jun 8, 2005

    Posts: 4,924


    /it's not that I don't believe you at all... just wanted to the the map.
  8. Marine Iguana


    Joined: Sep 25, 2008

    Posts: 6,768

    Location: Orsett, Essex

    I want to do this can we setup a mass trantsit system so we can have cross country wide battles with forum members :D
  9. Rainmaker


    Joined: Aug 18, 2007

    Posts: 7,527

    Location: Liverpool

    Ant LAN frag party. :D This is so dumb it's actually awesome. Post some pics. :cool:
  10. Paramount

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jul 6, 2003

    Posts: 2,078

    I loled, this is awesome.
  11. Peño

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jun 17, 2005

    Posts: 1,075

    Location: London

    Seriously needs pics!
  12. deus3x


    Joined: Nov 25, 2009

    Posts: 857

    Location: UK

    haha, this is one of the best posts of read this year. Really exciting stuff lol
  13. oneale90


    Joined: Nov 19, 2008

    Posts: 661

    This does sound like a good laugh! I just don't think i'd be able to wait that long lol!
  14. Marine Iguana


    Joined: Sep 25, 2008

    Posts: 6,768

    Location: Orsett, Essex

    Just need to train some ants to carry remotely detonated fireworks and I am done :D
  15. deus3x


    Joined: Nov 25, 2009

    Posts: 857

    Location: UK

  16. PardonTheWait


    Joined: Aug 26, 2003

    Posts: 23,755

    I refuse to believe that if you had made this you wouldn't have taken pictures.

    Post them immediately or be forever branded a liar
  17. Teknobry

    Wise Guy

    Joined: May 1, 2007

    Posts: 1,540

    Location: Manchester. UK

    I am inspired. This needs to be done. Really want to see pics of your setup!
  18. GinG


    Joined: Jul 22, 2006

    Posts: 6,325

    Sounds pretty amazing, great idea. Shame I can't do it here :(
  19. SamG


    Joined: Nov 28, 2004

    Posts: 896

    This reminds me of the Outer limits - Sandkings. They will rise up and turn against you!
  20. Marine Iguana


    Joined: Sep 25, 2008

    Posts: 6,768

    Location: Orsett, Essex

    Do they do a kevlar armour upgrade for ants :D
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