Wednesday's Joke

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John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
 
In breaking news, apparently there has been a huge explosion in Newcastle.

According to reports, the bubble has well and truely burst.
 
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but only had one Euro between
them. Murphy said "I have an idea." He went into the butcher's shop and
came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

"Follow me," said Murphy. He entered a pub and ordered two pints of
Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said "Now you've done it. We can't pay for these"

"Don't worry, Shamus. When we're finished, I'll stick the sausage through
my zipper. You go down on your knees and put it in your mouth." Shamus
did, and the barkeeper threw them both out.

This continued, pub after pub, as the two got more and more drunk...for
free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said, "Murphy - I don't think I can be doin' any
more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!"

"How do you think I feel? I lost the bloody sausage in the third pub!"
 
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