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What film did you watch last night?

Discussion in 'Music, Box Office, TV & Books' started by Richeh, Sep 2, 2009.

  1. Steedie

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Jun 29, 2004

    Posts: 17,265

    Location: Oxfordshire

    Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

    What? What did I even watch? The story just seemed...well there was one and that's about all I can say about it. I normally like these films as a switch off and enjoy kind of film, but this was just awful.

    4/10
     
  2. Evangelion

    Capodecina

    Joined: Dec 29, 2007

    Posts: 16,858

    Location: Adelaide, South Australia

    The Great Wall.

    Matt H. Damon stars as Matt H. Damon in Zhang Yimou's controversial 'white saviour' action flick.

    Willem Dafoe drags himself through the exposition scenes and phones in a half decent performance. Andy Lau also makes an
    inexplicable
    appearance, and spends most of his time looking
    apologetic or confused.
    Tin Jing delivers a reasonably
    convincing
    performance as
    That Girl With the Hair.

    The plot is simple. Damon and his friend Pero Tovar are
    mercenaries
    who have travelled to
    China
    in search of
    black powder.

    The Chinese
    capture
    them and explain that the
    Great Wall
    was built to protect the empire from a horde of
    green aliens
    that landed on a
    nearby mountain
    several thousand years ago and attack every
    60 years
    because
    of reasons.

    At first the
    Chinese
    want to
    kill
    Damon, but they change their minds because
    he is white.

    Damon doesn't want to hang around but changes his mind after realising
    That Girl With the Hair
    is better looking than
    most of the East European prostitutes he's slept with
    so he decides to stay and
    help
    with the expectation of
    getting his leg over in the penultimate scene.
    The Chinese are OK with this because
    he is white.

    The aliens attack several times but the Chinese manage to hold them off thanks to the presence of Damon, because
    he is white.

    Yada yada yada, turns out the aliens were
    burrowing towards the capital all along, and the attacks on the wall were just a diversion
    so now there's a mad scramble to stop them before they
    eat the emperor.
    Because apparently they want to
    eat the emperor.

    The Chinese reach the capital with the aid of
    hot air balloons that could not possibly fly
    but Damon
    manages to fly one because he is white.

    Yada yada yada, Damon manages to
    kill the alien queen because he is white.

    The aliens
    all die instantly

    because

    of reasons.

    Roll credits, throw popcorn.

    I was surprised and somewhat alarmed by the unrealistic number of Chinese people in every scene. It seems to me that there were even more Chinese people than you would expect to find in a movie about Chinese people in China. Fortunately the presence of Damon balances this out a bit,
    because he is white.

    I rate The Great Wall at 19.98 on the Haglee Scale, which works out as a disappointing 6/10 on IMDB.

    :/
     
  3. Steedie

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Jun 29, 2004

    Posts: 17,265

    Location: Oxfordshire

    Summer Camp

    Horror showing on Sky at the moment, don't bother

    4/10
     
  4. MoDe

    Hitman

    Joined: Feb 2, 2012

    Posts: 659

    Location: Newcastle UK

    Battle Royal.

    Daft action packed fun.

    5/10.
     
  5. Vonhelmet

    Suspended

    Joined: Jun 28, 2005

    Posts: 44,065

    Location: On the hoods

    I think that's pretty much the logical conclusion of the
    spoiler tag
    reached.
     
  6. Vonhelmet

    Suspended

    Joined: Jun 28, 2005

    Posts: 44,065

    Location: On the hoods

    Battle Royale? The iconic Japanese film? 5/10? You be illin'.
     
  7. Raymond Lin

    Capo Crimine

    Joined: Oct 20, 2002

    Posts: 55,565

    Location: Wish i was in New York

    The Handmaiden

    What a beautifully shot movie from the director of Old Boy (Korean). The culture, the intrigue, the characters, the performance, the style and story is just wonderfull capture and made.

    So good! Although I would not go watch this with your family...at times it is like a full on porno.
     
  8. Nitefly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Sep 24, 2005

    Posts: 27,876

    I found it interesting conceptually but boring in execution. 6/10 from me.

    Currently watching the BFG, the recent version. Clearly aimed at young children as it's almost unwatchable as an adult. 0/10
     
  9. Raymond Lin

    Capo Crimine

    Joined: Oct 20, 2002

    Posts: 55,565

    Location: Wish i was in New York

    Battle Royal is great, it's the Hollywood copycat that stars J-Law which is the lite version. Sorry Nitefly!
     
  10. Vonhelmet

    Suspended

    Joined: Jun 28, 2005

    Posts: 44,065

    Location: On the hoods

    Battle Royale and The Hunger Games are fundamentally different, because the reasons for instating the games are totally different. They have different tones at the most basic level.
     
  11. G-MAN2004

    Caporegime

    Joined: Jul 4, 2004

    Posts: 27,457

    Life - 8/10

    Holy ****! It's been a while since a film has made me feel like that. So much tension throughout, it really is 'edge of your seat' type stuff. Everyone always talk about how exciting it would be to find another life form from a different planet, but this really highlights just how utterly disastrous it could be.

    People will of course compare to Alien, but I'll just say I never quite 'got' Alien/s. They did nothing for me, even as a kid. I enjoyed the films and they looked great, but they certainly didn't have that terrifying feeling like this did.
     
  12. w1lliam

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Dec 7, 2009

    Posts: 1,006

    I saw it the other day, easy 7/10. Really liked how it ended.


    Just finished watching Pan's Labyrinth. 10/10. This is the second time i have seen it, the last time was several years ago. I thought it was a masterpiece then, and it remains so today.
     
  13. MoDe

    Hitman

    Joined: Feb 2, 2012

    Posts: 659

    Location: Newcastle UK

    Feel like I've kicked a right debate off here :D

    It just screams more comedy to me rather than gritty action. Wasn't there a similar plot staring stone cold and Vinnie jones (lol).
     
  14. hyperseven

    Mobster

    Joined: May 1, 2013

    Posts: 3,502

    Location: M28

    The Guardians (2017) 2/10
    It's proper poo.
    The subtitles it came with were atrocious too.
    Gave it a 2 because I think they were trying really hard to do a Marvel-esque film but failed. So 2 for effort :D
     
  15. Evangelion

    Capodecina

    Joined: Dec 29, 2007

    Posts: 16,858

    Location: Adelaide, South Australia

    Oh, absolutely. Still one of my favourite films. The beautiful innocence of Ivana Baquero versus the ruthless insanity of Sergi López, what a stunning combination! :eek:

    My wife and I wanted to adopt Ivana at the end! :p
     
  16. IvanDobskey

    Soldato

    Joined: Feb 2, 2010

    Posts: 5,327

    Location: East Midlands

    Saw this with the mrs a couple of weeks ago at the cinema. Thought it was a fairly decent alien ripoff as far as they go.

    It really can't hold a candle to the original alien though which is an absolute masterpiece.

    I'd say it was a solid 6.5 though.
     
  17. IvanDobskey

    Soldato

    Joined: Feb 2, 2010

    Posts: 5,327

    Location: East Midlands

    Indeed pans labyrinth really is a fantastic film.

    One of my favourites too :)
     
  18. IvanDobskey

    Soldato

    Joined: Feb 2, 2010

    Posts: 5,327

    Location: East Midlands

    Saw this for the first time the other day and have to agree with you.

    Much better than hunger games.
     
  19. BillHicksRIP

    Hitman

    Joined: Jun 28, 2005

    Posts: 875

    Life - 7/10
    Most of that score comes from the ending. Bravo whoever pushed that one through.
     
  20. Surfer

    Capodecina

    Joined: Dec 31, 2005

    Posts: 10,550

    Location: Glasgow

    Dont say it Dont think it ;) 5/10

    Disregarding the inanity of the plot...it was alright...Its basically a horror film for those who are too scared of proper horror films.

    The Bye bye Man!!!!!!!!! oh noeesssss
     


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